What did you say?

Parents are often not prepared to hear their single daughter announce her pregnancy. Hearing "Mom, Dad, I'm pregnant" can feel painful and make you feel confused about how to respond. On one hand you love your daughter and your grandchild, and on the other hand are many questions, emotions, worries, and fears for them both and the rest of your family. You may feel bewildered and overwhelmed, unsure of how to process your feelings and unsure of how to respond to your daughter.

Keep your perspective. It may be difficult, but remain as calm as possible. Remind yourself that God has a plan for each person including you, your daughter, and your grandchild, and that nothing catches Him by surprise. Focus on responding, not reacting.

Focus on listening. As painful as it was for you to hear this news, it was probably just as painful for your daughter to deliver the news. She has probably been agonizing over this moment, fearful of your reaction. Focus on listening, on staying present in the moment, and hearing her story. Try not to make assumptions or jump to conclusions while she tells her story. Let her open her heart to you. Try not to take control of the conversation or your daughter, but give her time to share.

Communicate your feelings. Take the time to collect your thoughts before you speak. Your daughter needs to hear about your feelings, and you need to try to share them in a way that is not intentionally hurtful or inflamatory. Share your feelings as calmly as possible. Avoid making accusations. Avoid condemnation and rejection (which is what your daughter is likely expecting and fearing from you). Your daughter probably already knows about your beliefs or what the Bible says about sex and pregnancy outside of marriage. Quoting Scripture which specifically address her behavior generally is not constructive at this time. Shouting an angry lecture about morals will likely only build a defensive wall between you. Try to focus on compassion for her situation. You can hate your daughter's sin without hating your daughter and your grandchild.

For more information about how to handle the news of your single daughter's pregnancy, see chapters 1 and 2 ("Hearing the Shocking News" and "The Importance of First Words") in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy: Practical Advice for the Parents of a Pregnant Christian Single".