Make an effort to be more fair

A recent Newsweek article, "Getting Away With It", by Raina Kelley, summarizes research results that show that parents are indeed tougher on firstborns than on younger children. The articles says:

"As a result, the theory predicts that last-born and only children, knowing that they can get away with much more than their older brothers and sisters, are, on average, more likely to engage in risky behaviors," says University of Maryland economist Ginger Jin, one of three coauthors of the study.

This can spell trouble for your younger children as they become teens. The article continues:

As parents, you care about the welfare of your pregnant teenage daughter so you're going to help her out no matter what. You're not going to throw her and the baby out of the house. To a teen that looks like reward not punishment. So if your daughter can predict that you're going to help her, she is less likely to engage in safe behavior... But if there are lots of children in the house and the children aren't perfectly sure what their parents will do, they are much less likely to engage in behavior that will get them punished.

The article says that parents tend to punish older children who are engaging in risky behavior partly to set an example to the younger children, but that by the time the younger children reach that same age parents tend to fix the problem for the child instead of punishing. So make an extra effort with younger children to treat them consistently. If you've been overly harsh with older children, make an extra effort to be more fair instead of simply making examples out of them. Seek Godly counsel about your parenting decisions - there are a number of good parenting skills books out there for every phase of life; talk with your spouse before acting; bounce your ideas and frustrations off of mature Christian friends who can help you see other perspectives.

Obviously we need balance here. In what ways could you show that you love the person, but not their behavior? In what ways can you show that you disapprove of sex outside of marriage, but that you don't want your grandchild aborted? That you love your pregnant daughter, but that there are also consequences to every action in life? If your teen or college-aged daughter is having sex, what consequences have you imposed on her for this risky behavior? Or are you rewarding her for her risky behavior by protecting her from consequences? In what ways are you attempting to help her deal with negative peer pressure, and the influence of friends and media to engage in risky behavior?