Being a mother means...

A recent article "How To Really Help Pregnant Teens" in the Christian Science Monitor, by Jeannette Pai-Espinosa summarizes a few reasons that teens intentionally get pregnant, from the book "Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage" by Kathryn Edin and Maria Kefalas.

Edin and Kefalas interviewed 162 "single mothers living in poor neighborhoods at Philadelphia's urban core. They found that, to these women, being a mother meant:

• unconditional love;
• eliminating a sense of isolation;
• the ability to prove they are capable of maturity and high moral stature by being a good parent;
• and gaining control over their life.
• These mothers saw having a baby not as a burden, but as an opportunity."

Talk to your pregnant daughter about these points:

• What does being a mother mean to her?
• What emotional needs does she think motherhood will meet?
• How would she define unconditional love in general?
• What would unconditional love look like from an infant towards its mother? (How would an infant display unconditional love to its mother? Is crying a display that the infant does not love its mother?)
• What would unconditional love look like from mother towards child? (How would a mother display unconditional love to her child?)
• Does your daughter currently feel isolated or that she doesn't fit in?
• How would your daughter define maturity? What attitudes and actions are a part of maturity? What does she believe are the benefits of being an adult? What responsibilities come with those benefits, in her opinion?
• Ask your daughter to write a "job description" of a "good parent." What skills does a "good parent" need? What tasks will they perform? What education or experience would be beneficial? What qualities make a "good parent"?
• Ask your daughter if she thinks her life is out of control currently. What would she like her life to be like, instead? In what ways would a baby add to her control of her life? In what ways would a baby take away from her control of her life?

In our book, "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" we talk more about some of the reasons teens get pregnant in the chapter titled "The Importance of First Words". You can also read other blog posts about this topic by clicking the link below that says "Why".