Motherhood means....?

In a recent opinion editorial titled "Teens not ready for reality of parenting: Those who think that a baby will provide love have an awful lot to learn" by Elizabeth Davies, Ms. Davies presents her thoughts on the realities of parenting. Read her opinion article with your kids and discuss it with them. How much did your experience of motherhood match Ms. Davies' list of reality? How was your experience of motherhood different?

In the article, Ms. Davies says:

• "Some teen girls -- perhaps including those in Gloucester -- want to become pregnant. They do it on purpose. They see that child as a symbol of adulthood, as someone who they can rely on for love and devotion." Talk with your kids about the meaning of adulthood. What makes someone an adult? Are there shortcuts to being an adult? Does everyone over a particular age automatically become an adult? Talk to your kids about relationships: Is there a guarantee that all children will always show love and devotion to their parents? Is there a guarantee that married people always show love and devotion to each other?
• "Babies aren't capable of looking out for anyone but themselves. They are inherently selfish and incomplete. ... Besides, babies aren't all frills and giggles. They're messy, defiant, frustrating and exhausting." Talk to your kids about these descriptions of babies. In your experience, how accurate is this list? Is this list realistic, or negative? Does this list represent the entire picture of babies, in your opinion?

Ms. Davies also lists what Motherhood means to her:

• "Never sleeping in" and "Waking up at 5 a.m. if that's the time your little angel decides her day will begin." (Maybe the pain of this could be reduced somewhat by going to bed earlier? Or designing caretaking shifts with spouse or family?)
• "Cleaning up vomit, even on your birthday." (Maybe the pain of this could be reduced by having a support system such as a spouse, family members, friends, or support group?)
• Not going out to party on special occassions because no babysitter is available. (Maybe some advance planning would help, or have a party at your house with friends instead of going out?)
• Buying only clearance-priced clothes for yourself while splurging on designer clothes for the baby. (Maybe skip the designer clothes for baby, who can't appreciate them anyway and grows out of them after wearing them only once?)
• "Trying in vain to get your skinny jeans to fit again." (You may have to adjust your body image mentality a bit. Celebrities with nannies and personal trainers are apparently able to effortlessly regain their super-skinny body. For regular people, breastfeeding has been shown to aid women in losing weight after baby is born.)

Being a mother means that life changes. Motherhood is not all roses..there are definite challenges! But with some creativity and help from spouse and family, see if you can brainstorm ways to overcome these challenges.

Ms. Davies says, "The thing about kids is, you don't spend a whole lot of time being actively loved. Rather, you spend much of your day being needed: kissing battle scars, soothing hurts, filling bellies, fixing toys, driving the car and washing clothes. There are, of course, hugs and kisses and giant, sloppy grins. To a mother who has the time, energy and maturity to appreciate them, those are priceless. But if you're doing it right, motherhood is about giving 100 times more than you can ever receive in return. Once your children are grown and you have the wisdom to look back on their lives, the pride of raising quality adults is payment enough. Because getting pregnant isn't really about wearing maternity clothes and having a baby shower. It's not even about nursing a baby or shaking a rattle. It's about demonstrating honor, modeling love, teaching patience, building compassion. It's about raising someone who can change the world."

Talk to your kids about this quote. Ask them to write a job description for a Mother. What would be her duties? What would be her salary? Share with your kids the challenges and rewards you have experienced being a Mother.