Teen Sex: The Parent Factor

An article called "Teen Sex: The Parent Factor" by Christine Kim has some interesting statistics to discuss with your teens. The article has lots of references, so be sure to take a look at it!

• "About 7% of high school students report having had sex before the age of 13." Ask your teen how old they were when they first had sex.
• "By 9th grade, 1/3 of high school students have engaged in sexual activity"
• "By 12th grade, 2/3" of high school students have engaged in sexual activity. Note to your teen that even at the end of high school, NOT everyone has had sex!
• 60% of these teens who have had sex regret their first experience and wish they had waited longer. Ask your teens if they regret their sexual experiences. Do they wish they had waited longer? When would they have considered the ideal time to first have sex? How can they make plans to now abstain from sex until they are married?
• "Those who begin sexual activity at age 13 are twice as likely" get a sexually transmitted disease compared to those who remain sexually abstinent during their teen years. Has your teen been checked for sexually transmitted diseases? Do they know that some STDs may not have symptoms?
• "Nearly 40% of girls who begin sexual activity at ages 13 or 14 will give birth outside marriage, compared to 9% of those who remain abstinent until their early twenties."
• "Among women in their thirties, those who were sexually active during early adolescence are half as likely to be in stable marriages as those who waited until their early twenties to have sex." Is marriage important to your teens? If so, talk to them about waiting to have sex until they are married so that their marriage will have a better chance at success.
• 90% of parents believe they have had a "helpful conversation about delaying sex and avoiding pregnancy" with their teens. But only 71% of teens report having this conversation. Find ways to have small conversations about sex and values often instead of one big talk. Watch for opportunities based on the news, TV shows, music, and other events like prom.
• "In a study of 700 teens in Philadelphia, 58% of teens reported being sexually active, while only 1/3 of their mothers believed they were." Have you directly asked your teens if they are sexually active? What activities do you include in this... for example, many young teens mistakenly believe that oral sex is not sexual activity. So be specific in your questions and conversations!
• "Parental factors that appear to offer strong protection against the onset of early sexual activity include an intact family structure; parents' disapproval of adolescent sex; teens' sense of belonging to and satisfaction with their families; parental monitoring; and, to a lesser extent, parent-child communication about teen sex and its consequences." If your family is not intact (you are a single parent), then you'll have to take extra steps to influence your teens. Have you specifically told your kids that you do not approve of sex outside of marriage? Do you monitor your kids (where they are, what they are doing there, who they are with)? How can you improve your kids' satisfaction with the family?

The article gives a few tips on what parents can do: First, avoid sending ambiguous and mixed messages about teen sex. For example, if you don't approve of teen sex then do not say things such as "Don't have sex, but if you do you should use birth control". This is an ambiguous message. Be specific and direct in your statements, and express your values. Focus your sex talks on morals and values - simply discussing physiology and contraceptives is not enough. Strengthen your relationship with your kids by eating meals together more often, and being present when they listen to music or watch TV so that you can discuss it with them. Know where your kids are when out of school, and have rules about their behavior along with appropriate consequences.