Information about our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy: Advice for the Parents of a Christian Pregnant Single"

Topics in our book include:

  • -Hearing the shocking news
  • -The importance of first words
  • -Supporting my daughter as she makes decisions
  • -First steps to take
  • -The pregnancy resource center
  • -The doctor appointment
  • -Where will we be in a year?
  • -Restoring sexual integrity
  • -Completing school
  • -Trying to hide
  • -How will my church respond?
  • -Where is God in all of this?
  • -Talking with my husband
  • -Who is the pregnant single mother?
  • -What is my daughter feeling?
  • -Where does the baby's father belong in all this?
  • -Forgiving the baby's father
  • -Forgiving the young man's parents
  • -Sharing with family and friends
  • -Forgiving myself
  • -Forgiving my daughter
  • -Forgiving unkind acquaintances
  • -Beauty from ashes
  • -Should they marry?
  • -Teen marriage success
  • -The importance of a father
  • -Should she parent alone?
  • -Should we adopt the baby?
  • -Should she make an adoption plan?
  • -Our hope for the next five years
  • -Childcare responsibilities
  • -The baby is born
  • -Dedication service
  • -Single moms and church
  • -Parental authority over a minor
  • -Parental rights regarding abortion
  • -Discussion and decision checklist
Listen Online!
Hear author Linda Perry on "Beyond the Bandaide with Joyce Zounis" which aired on NPRL.net in May 2008. Listen & watch now by clicking here

Pregnant? Need help? Call OptionLine.

counter customizable free hit

Powered by Blogger
Blog Directory - Blogged

Friday, June 13, 2008

College and your pregnant daughter

Feminists for Life has a survey asking questions about services colleges provide to assist their pregnant students. See the survey results HERE in pdf format, or read them below. These are questions you should try to get answers for from your daughter's college.

Is there maternity coverage in my (student) healthcare plan?
Without healthcare coverage, a pregnant student will likely fear the cost of carrying a pregnancy to term.
77% of respondents did not know if their student health plan offers maternity coverage.
16% said maternity coverage is not available.
7% indicated that maternity coverage is offered as part of the student health plan.

What about a pediatrician?
Additionally, respondents were asked if insurance riders are available to cover the children of students.
79% said they did not know.
14% said students cannot obtain riders to cover their children.
7% said the school offers riders for student parents to obtain healthcare coverage for their children.
An analysis of the data yielded no statistically significant differences in the responses from students at state, religious, or private colleges on the questions pertaining to healthcare options and availability.

Where would I live?
46% said there is no housing available on campus for parenting students.
31% said they did not know if such housing is available.
22% said housing is available on campus for parenting students.

When asked who could benefit from this housing:
89% said this housing is open to graduate students.
87% said it is available for undergraduates.
73% said foreign students on an education visa would be eligible for residential housing.

What about off-campus housing?
74% of respondents indicated there is housing available near campus for parenting students.
15% said they did not know.
An analysis of the responses showed that students at private schools were less likely than those at state and religious schools to indicate that their campus had housing for parenting students.

Who will take care of my baby when I am in class?
Childcare is one of the most vital resources a college campus can provide for pregnant and parenting students.
45% said their colleges do not offer on-campus childcare.
30% said their schools offer on-campus childcare.
2% said plans are under way.
22% said they did not know if childcare is available.

Can I access on-campus childcare—or are some people’s kids more equal than others?
When asked who has priority access to on-campus childcare, respondents said:
faculty (87%),
administration and staff (83%),
graduate students (79%),
undergraduates (77%), and
foreign students on an education visa (55%).
Most students surveyed (66%) did not know if their school provides referrals to off-campus childcare.

Does anyone know if there is infant care, or how much it costs?
Another barrier to access to childcare for pregnant and parenting students is the issue of infant care, which entails additional staffing and other requirements.
27% of the respondents who affirmed that on-campus childcare is available said infant care is also available.
68% did not know whether their on-campus childcare center would accept infants.
5% stated that the childcare center has an expressed policy against accepting infants.

Who will watch the baby if we go to watch a game?
When asked if the college connects parents to volunteer or paid babysitters,
55% of respondents said they did not know.
27% said the college does not facilitate connections between student parents and babysitters.
17% percent said their college issues some kind of list of babysitters or otherwise facilitates connections between student parents and babysitters.
An analysis of the data showed that students at state schools were more likely than students at private and religious colleges to indicate that their campus offers childcare. Further analysis revealed that students at private colleges were more likely than students at state colleges to indicate that their schools help connect students with babysitters.

What about him?
When asked about child support,
46% of respondents said students are not generally aware of paternity establishment and child support enforcement laws that give fathers rights as well as responsibilities.
45% said they did not know if students are educated about these issues.
54% percent said they did not know if women on their campus are aware of the information they need to establish paternity if the father resists his responsibilities.
41% said they believed women on their campus are aware of this information.

You try walking to campus when you are eight months pregnant!
Ninety-one percent of respondents said their campus does not offer designated parking for pregnant women or parents with infants.
Only 1% said they had seen such designated parking on campus.

If I need to go across campus with a baby, how can we get around?
When asked if their campus is accessible for parents using strollers as well as people using wheelchairs,
87% of students said their campus has elevators, ramps, etc.
7% said their campus is not physically accommodating to those transporting children.
An analysis of this section showed that students at state schools were more likely than students at private schools to deem their college “stroller-accessible.”

And where could I go to change a diaper?
Respondents were also asked if diaper-changing stations are available in restrooms on campus.
23% said they are.
62% said they had not seen diaper changing stations in restrooms.
1 respondent said their campus has plans to install stations.

How would you like to nurse in front of fraternity row?
When asked if there is a private place for women to nurse or pump breast milk,
77% of respondents said “no.”
Only 3% said they knew of such a location on their campus.
20% did not know if their school provides a private place for nursing mothers.

What about flex time and telecommuting options?
Alternative scheduling is the most prevalent resource known or perceived to be available to pregnant and parenting students.
78% of respondents reported that their school offers flexible class times (evening, weekend classes).
53% said their school offers telecommuting or distance learning opportunities.
An analysis of the data based on the type of school indicates that more state schools offer flexible class times, telecommuting and distance learning opportunities.

I’ll be better able to take care of my child if I have a degree.
The financial affairs portion of the survey proved the most difficult for respondents to answer. When asked if loans or scholarships are made available specifically to parenting students,
69% of respondents answered, “I don’t know.”
25% said there are no such financial supports available.
6% said they knew of special loans or scholarships for parenting students.

When asked if loans or scholarships are made available to pay for family housing on or off campus,
67% of respondents said they did not know.
23% said that no such loans or scholarships are available.
9% said there is such financial support.
An analysis of the responses regarding financial aid showed students at state schools were significantly more likely than students at religious schools to indicate there are scholarships or loans available for family housing.

Respondents were also asked if student loans or scholarships are available for childcare costs.
70% said they did not know.
26% said there is no financial support for students seeking childcare.
3% indicated there are loans and scholarships available to cover the cost of childcare.

May I take a “time out”?
Respondents were asked if the athletic department has a protective “red shirt” policy for students on athletic scholarships who become pregnant, allowing them to avoid activities as needed for the duration of the pregnancy and still retain their scholarships.
79% said they did not know if there is such a policy.
4% said the red-shirt designation is applied to pregnant students,
16% said student athletes are not protected from loss of scholarship if they become pregnant.

So where’s our resident “know-it-all”?
When asked if there is a person or central office on campus responsible for helping pregnant and parenting students:
50% said they did not know.
33% said there is no central place for pregnant or parenting students to seek assistance.
16% said there is a person or office in charge of assisting these students.

When asked how they could find information about resources and support for pregnant and parenting students, respondents indicated there are few sources for such information.
40% said they could not find these resources on their campus website.
48% said they did not know if these resources are on the website.
62% said there had been no mention of pregnancy and parenting support in their first-year orientation.
45% said resources for pregnant and parenting students are not in the handbook.
45% did not know.

Educational materials and brochures are the most likely sources of information about resources and support.
17% of respondents said those sources were readily available on their campus.
42% did not know if their college provides educational handouts or brochures to pregnant and
parenting students.
38% said their university does not use educational materials and brochures.

The next most likely source of information about resources is ads and signs on campus.
15% of respondents said they had seen ads or signage on campus that provided information and support for pregnant and parenting students.
56% said they did not believe these materials are used on their campus.

Respondents were asked if resident assistants or residential advisers (RAs) were aware of the scope of pregnancy resources available on and off campus.
30% perceived the RAs to be unaware.
57% said they did not know if their RAs receive any information or training in this area.
In evaluating the differences in responses between students at state, religious, and private colleges, students at state schools were more likely than students at private or religious colleges to indicate that their school provided information for pregnancy support services on the
college’s website.

Feminists for Life encourages all colleges and universities to evaluate the resources available
for pregnant and parenting students on their campuses—as well as how they educate students about these resources—and begin to implement changes to better meet their students’ needs.

How does your college, university or alma mater rate? Take the Pregnancy Resource Survey for yourself!

Feminists for Life is committed to helping schools realize these goals and will continue to advocate for support for pregnant and parenting students across the nation. If you are a college administrator or student activist willing to help pregnant and parenting students on your campus, please contact Feminists for Life’s College Outreach Program Coordinator at coordinator@ffloncampus.org to tell us about the resources and support on your campus, to host a speaker, or to host a Pregnancy Resource Forum.

Labels: , ,

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Living Arrangements - Friends

Your daughter may desire to live with friends during her pregnancy, instead of family. If she is legally old enough to do this (not a minor), you may have little influence on this decision. But if possible, talk to her about the following:
  • Will the house/apartment be single-sex only? Or will males be staying the night or cohabiting?
  • Are her friends a good influence on her? Will they help her eat correctly, exercise, get enough sleep, get to her doctor's appointments or the hospital? Will they help her stay away from smoke (even second-hand smoke), drugs, alcohol, and other things that are harmful to herself and her baby?
  • Will she continue to live there after the baby is born? What do her roommates know about infants (how much they sleep and cry, for example)? Will her roommates be willing to learn about the correct ways to help bathe the baby, feed the baby, change diapers, etc?
  • Pregnancy can induce mood swings... how do her roommates currently handle the stresses of living together? How likely is it that she will be suddenly kicked out of the house during an argument?
  • What do her roommates think about her current plans (marriage, single parenting, adoption)...are they supportive? or will they be ridiculing or undermining her plans?
If your daughter is a minor, her parents or legal guardians are responsible for her care and living with friends (or a friend's family) will not be feasible unless a formal (and legal) guardianship relationship is set up. Talk to a lawyer about what kind of paperwork you and the other family will need for your situation.

Labels: ,

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Living Arrangements - Maternity Home

In other posts, we've talked about your pregnant single daughter living with you in your home, with relatives, and with friends. This post looks at maternity homes.

Yes, a few maternity homes actually do still exist! If your home and the home of relatives are not going to work (for whatever reason) during your daughter's pregnancy, she may be able to be admitted into a maternity home. Each maternity home is quite different in their admission requirements, programs offered, and rules, so you'll have to do some research. At the pregnancy resource center, we've provided information about maternity homes to hundreds of pregnant girls who request this information. It seems that few girls actually choose to apply to a maternity home once they see that they will have to do chores, keep their rooms clean, etc., but most maternity homes are full at all times anyway. A maternity home is not a free hotel room with maid service and room service. Some pregnant girls imagine that they will have complete freedom and be away from their family like a vacation, but this is not the case. A maternity home is often a great experience for those who need structure, supervision, and pregnancy counseling. However, please do not force your teen into a maternity home if she does not want to be there: this can cause many more problems in the long run than it solves in the short term.

Here are just a few maternity homes. Use your favorite search engine with the keywords "maternity home" and do some browsing. Or call OptionLine at (800) 395-HELP to see if they can help you find the maternity home nearest you. Note that these listings are for your education only, and in no way imply endorsement. Links and summary information were accurate as of June 2008.

Alabama
Lifeline Village (Pell City, Alabama) offers a residential program for pregnant girls between the ages of 10 and 18 who are making an adoption plan for their child.

Arizona
Jesus Cares Ministries (Chandler, Arizona)
Hope House (Show Low, Arizona)
Maggie's Place (Phoenix, Tempe, Glendale Arizona) for women aged 18 or more.

Arkansas
Hannah House (Fort Smith, Arkansas) for women aged 12-29.

California
Bishop Gallegos Maternity Home (Fair Oaks, California)
Casa de los Angelitos (Harbor City, California) for women aged 18 or more.
His Nesting Place (Long Beach, California) has room for 22 pregnant women and their children.
St. Anne's (Los Angeles, California)
Bethany's House (Modesto, California) for adoption-minded women aged 18 and over.
Casa Teresa (Orange, California) for pregnant women aged 18 and over.
Toby's House (Orange County, California) has a program for pregnant women aged 18 and older. Knotts Family Agency (San Bernadino, California) for women age 12-17.
Mary's Shelter (Santa Ana, California)
Villa Majella (Santa Barbara, California)
Siena House (Santa Cruz County, California)
Sarah's House (Simi Valley, California)
Angels Way Maternity Home (Woodland Hills, California) for pregnant women aged 18 and older. TenderLife Maternity Home (Ventura, California) has a program for pregnant women aged 18 and older.
Moses House Ministries (Victorville, California) for pregnant women up to age 25.

Colorado
New Beginnings (Aurora, Colorado) for pregnant women age 16 or more.
Mary's Choice (Baily, Colorado)
Bridgeway (Lakewood, Colorado) for pregnant teens.
Shannon's Hope Maternity Home (Wheat Ridge, Colorado) has a program for pregnant women aged 16 and older.

Connecticut
St. Agnes Home (West Hartford, Connecticut) for women up through age 18.

Florida
Solve Maternity Homes (Bradenton, Florida)
Lifeline Family Center (Cape Coral, Florida) for teens.
Ronda Coon Maternity Home (Fort Walton Beach, Florida) for pregnant women age 18-24.
Divine Mercy House (Jacksonville, Florida) for pregnant women aged 18 and older.
Sunlight Home (Naples, Florida)
Mary's Shelter (North Orlando, Florida)
BETA Center (Orlando, Florida)
Daybreak Maternity Home (Palm Beach, Florida)
His Caring Place (Pompano Beach, Florida ) for pregnant women between the ages of 12 and 24.

Georgia
The Living Vine (Savannah, Georgia)
Georgia Baptist Children's Home

Idaho
Maggie's Place (Coeur d'Alene, Idaho) for pregnant women aged 18 or more.
The Shepherd's Inn (Idaho Falls, Idaho) for pregnant women aged 18-26.

Illinois
The Refuge Home (Carterville, Illinois) for women aged 18 or more.
Angels' Cove (Mount Vernon, Illinois)
Cabrini Maternity Home (Peoria, Illinois) for pregnant women aged 12-21.

Indiana
Hannah House Maternity Home (Bloomington, Indiana)
A Friend's House (Bluffton, Indiana)
Childplace (Jeffersonville, Indiana)
St. Elizabeth Catholic Charities Maternity Home (New Albany, Indiana)

Iowa
Ruth Harbor (Des Moines, Iowa)

Kansas
Bethlehem House (El Dorado, Kansas)
Mary Elizabeth Maternity Home (Hayes, Kansas)

Kentucky
Mercy Maternity Home (Erlanger, Kentucky)
Lifehouse Center (Louisville, Kentucky)

Louisiana
Sellers Maternity Home (Louisiana) houses women under the age of 21.

Maine
St Andre Home (Biddeford, Maine)

Maryland
St. Ann's Infant and Maternity Home (Hyattsville, Maryland) has a program for pregnant girls aged 13 - 19.

Michigan
Father Pat Jackson House (Ann Arbor, Michiga)
Hannah's House (Kalamazoo, Michigan)

Minnesota
New Beginnings (St. Cloud, Minnesota)

Mississippi
The Christmas Village (Madison, Mississippi)

Missouri
Highlands Maternity Home (Kansas City, Missouri)
Lighthouse Maternity Home (Kansas City, Missouri)

Montana
Florence Crittendon Home (Helena, Montana) for women aged 12-21.

New Hampshire
His Mansion: New Beginnings (Hillsboro, New Hampshire)

New Jersey
Grace's Place (Toms River, New Jersey)

New York
Rachel's Joy Maternity Home (Brooklyn, New York)

North Carolina
Angel House Maternity Home (Charlotte, North Carolina) for pregnant women aged 15 and older.
Florence Crittenton Services (Charlotte, North Carolina)
Lois' Lodge Maternity Home (Charlotte, North Carolina)
Save the Babies House of Refuge (Fayetteville, North Carolina)
Room at the Inn of the Carolinas (Kernersville, North Carolina)
Christian Life Home (Raleigh, North Carolina) for women aged 10-23.
The Royal Home (Salemburg, North Carolina)
Refuge Enrichment Center (Winston-Salem, North Carolina) for pregnant women aged 12 and older.

North Dakota
Saint Gianna Maternity Home (Minto, North Dakota)
The Perry Center (West Fargo, North Dakota)

Ohio
Harbor House (Ohio) offers housing to pregnant girls aged 11-17.
Hannah's Home (northeastern Ohio) for pregnant teens under the age of 18.

Oklahoma
Holy Family Maternity Home (Oklahoma City, Oklahoma) for pregnant teens aged 12-17.

Oregon
Grandma's House (Bend, Oregon) for women aged 12-19.
Bethany House (Gresham, Oregon)
Safe Haven Maternity Home (Roseburg, Oregon)

Pennsylvania
House of His Creation (Coatesville, Pennsylvania) for pregnant women between the ages of 12 and 19.
Lourdeshouse Maternity Home (Enhaut, Pennsylvania)
Morning Star Maternity Home (Lansdale, Pennsylvania) for pregnant women between the age of 13 and 25.
Shepherd's Maternity House (East Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania)

South Carolina
Butterfly House (Blackville, South Carolina)

Tennessee
New Life Maternity Home (Cleveland, Tennessee)
Hope House (Kingsport, Tennessee)
Mercy Ministries (Nashville, Tennessee)

Texas
Promise House (Dallas, Texas)
Elizabeth Home (Denton, Texas)
Mercy House (Euless, Texas)
Annunciation Maternity Home (Georgetown, Texas) offers housing to pregnant women over the age of 14.
Hannah House Maternity Home (Glen Rose, Texas)
Lifehouse of Houston (Houston, Texas) for pregnant women age 12-24.
Methodist Mission Home (San Antonio, Texas)
Fatherheart Maternity Home (Tyler, Texas)
Living Alternatives (Tyler, Texas)

Utah
Benchmark Maternity Home (Woodland Hills, Utah) for pregnant girls aged 13-17.

Virginia
Liberty Godparent Home (Lynchburg, Virginia)

Washington
Life Services Maternity Home (near Spokane, Washington) for pregnant teens under the age of 19.
Hannah's House (Mount Vernon, Washington)
Special Delivery (Woodinville, Washington)

Wisconsin
Elizabeth House (Madison, Wisconsin)
Beth-Birei (Wisconsin Rapids, Wisconsin)

For more posts about housing, click the label "Housing" below. There you'll find posts about your pregnant daughter living in your home, and about her living with relatives.

Labels: ,

Monday, June 9, 2008

Living Arrangements: Relatives

Does your pregnant single daughter need to live somewhere besides your own home during her pregnancy? Maybe she needs to get away from the baby's father for her own safety (physical, mental, etc.)? You have a few options to examine carefully, depending on your daughter's age and your resources (financial resources being the primary factor). We discuss these options in chapter 27 "Should She Parent Alone?" of our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy: Practical Advice for the Parents of a Christian Pregnant Single".

First, your daughter could go live with someone in your family (her grandparents, aunts & uncles, etc.). Other alternatives will be discussed in separate posts later this week.

Which relatives should you approach with the idea of your daughter staying with them during her pregnancy? There are a lot of factors to discuss, and you'll probably want to have a solid agreement with the other family (maybe even in writing).

For example, the relatives MUST have accessible prenatal care for your daughter. Do the medical practitioners there accept the medical insurance that covers your daughter?

Which relatives are able to provide the level of supervision appropriate for your daughter?

Though the world is rarely ideal, it would be beneficial if the relatives have opportunities that are an improvement over your daughter's current situation: Are there educational opportunities for your daughter that are not available at your own home? Are there part-time jobs available? Is there a pregnancy resource center near their house that can provide pregnancy education, adoption education, parenting education, and peer mentoring?

What rules and privleges will your daughter have to follow at the relatives' house? How will the relatives enforce these? What will be the consequence if your daughter just will not follow the rules?

For example, what rules are there about her access to the Internet, or to the phone? Will she have her own transportation or need to be driven around? What will she need to contribute to household chores or even household expenses? Will your relatives charge rent?

Where will your daughter give birth? When will your daughter return to your home?

Talking about these issues up front will help to avoid misunderstandings and hard feelings later.

For more posts about housing issues, click the label "Housing" below. There you'll find posts about your pregnant daughter living at your home, and about her living in a maternity home, among other topics.

Share with us in the comments (anonymously if you prefer): Has someone in your family housed a pregnant relative? What were the benefits and the hardships? What tips can you share?

Labels: ,

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Your pregnant daughter in your home

The topic of a daughter moving back in with you has been on the minds of readers recently, with queries such as "dealing with daughter with baby moving back in" and "living arrangements for pregnant teens".

CNN recently had an article about ways to cope when family needs to move in with you. You might encounter this situation when your daughter who was living away from home becomes pregnant and needs to move back in with you for any reason. So in addition to the stresses you and she face in making decisions about her pregnancy with your grandchild, you both now have the stresses of adjusting to a new housing arrangement. If she is moving back in with you because a relationship ended, or she lost a job, or some other emotional trauma, there is also that tension to deal with.

The CNN article gives some tips on coping. First, both sides should talk openly about their feelings about the new living situation. There is likely to be resentment on both sides, and feelings that personal freedoms have been invaded. If you can both recognize your feelings and share them openly yet politely, you can all be aware that everyone is making a sacrifice.

Second, while you may not decide to make a formal contract with your daughter, you should at least discuss and agree on several things ahead of time, such as the following. We discuss these issues in the chapter "Should She Parent Alone?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy: Practical Advice for the Parents of a Christian Pregnant Single."
  • Will your daughter pay you rent? How much?
  • Will she share part of the expenses for utilities? How much?
  • Will she buy her own groceries, or will she contribute to a grocery fund?
  • Your daughter should not be considered a guest, and you are not her maid service. Thus she should do her own laundry (does she need to provide her own soap, or just pay you for soap used?), wash her own dishes (or take turns where you each wash ALL the dishes), pick up after herself, and help with household chores and errands.
  • Schedule a regular family meeting time where you can have a "preventive, proactive conversation, which changes the whole tone from frozen no-talk to 'we're teammates and we want this to work.'" Don't let small complaints mushroom...talk about them quickly and brainstorm ways to change the situation.
  • Talk regularly to plan an exit strategy. Talk about what housing options are available to her and how she could afford them to return to more independence. This exit may be several years down the road, and that's okay as long as you all keep talking about it and moving towards the goal in practical steps.
  • Know that you're not alone. We mention this in nearly every post, related to nearly every topic. You are not the only family going through these trials. If you need someone to talk to, see if there is a support group at a local church, join a small group Bible study and get prayer support, get counsel from a pastor or Christian counselor, and reach out to your own extended family.

Don't allow hardships to destroy your family... be proactive in drawing the family together for mutual support. You can come out of this closer and stronger instead of wounded, if you make the choices to do so.

If your pregnant daughter is not able to live in your home for any reason, we've also blogged about her living with relatives, friends, and at a maternity home.

What problems have you found when your pregnant daughter moved back in with you? What tips do you have to share with other readers?

Labels: