Single Moms Often Poor

Children in father-absent homes are five times more likely to be poor.

In 2002, 7.8% of children in married-couple families were living in poverty, compared to 38.4% of children in female-householder families.

Source: U.S. Census Bureau, Children’s Living Arrangements and Characteristics: March 2002, P200-547, Table C8. Washington D.C.: GPO, 2003.

Talk with your daughter about the issues revealed in the statistics above.

• What are her dreams about a present and involved father for her child?
  
• What qualities of a good father can the baby's father provide currently?
  
• If the baby's father is not a good candidate for an ongoing relationship, what male(s) can step in to provide a healthy father figure?

Our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy: Practical Advice for the Parents of a Pregnant Christian Single" has several chapters about the father of your daughter's baby: "Where Does The Baby's Father Belong In All This?", "Forgiving The Baby's Father", "Forgiving The Young Man's Parents", and "The Importance Of A Father."

As you and your daughter talk about an involved father for her child, try to determine who will play this role. It may be the child's father. If he is a safe person and has the potential to provide for his family and to learn parenting skills, your daughter should seek counseling about whether to marry him. I strongly recommend that any couple get good pre-marriage counseling that teaches them about managing expectations, communication skills, and gives the basics of financial skills such as budgeting and balancing a checkbook. In addition, the couple will need to be attending parenting skills classes so that they both participate in caring for the needs of their child. You may find it helpful to read the chapters "Should They Marry?" and "Should She Parent Alone?"

If the child's father will not be involved for whatever reason, who in your current family could play this crucial role of father figure?

If no father-figure is available or acceptable, spend some time considering an adoption plan where the child would have the advantages of a father as the child grows.

If your daughter is determined to be a single mother, what job skills does your she currently have? How can you help your pregnant daughter improve her job skills? What kind of career could she train for quickly? What financial help for living expenses or career training expenses are available in your family? Where can she get quality childcare while she is at work? You may also want to read the "Childcare Responsibilities" chapter in our book .

Not guaranteed to fail

In a recent opinion piece called "Odds are against teen marriage", the author, Carrie Stetler says that "marriage among couples in their 20s and 30s is far less likely to end in divorce." This makes it sound like teen marriages are practically guaranteed to fail, which just isn't true. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Health Statistics released a report in December 2005 which was called "Fertility, Family Planning, and Reproductive Health of U.S. Women: Data from the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth."

This statistical report from the government says that for people who marry under the age of 18, that 93% of those marriages are still intact one year later, that 76% are still going 3 years later, that 65% are still working 5 years later, and that 52% are still married after 10 years!

For teens aged 18-19 who get married, 90% are still married a year later, 80% are still married 3 years later, 72% are still married 5 years later, and 61% are still married after 10 years!

So teen marriages are by no means guaranteed to fail.

Even if a teen marriage ends in divorce, "marrying before the birth of a child may lead to greater paternal support, even if the marriage doesn't last. If couples marry, the male partner is likely to be a resident parent and have greater access to the child. Even if the couple eventually divorces, this early contact may lead to greater levels of financial support from the father." (Naomi Seiler, "Is Teen Marriage A Solution?" April 2002. Center for Law and Social Policy.)

ANY marriage, at ANY age needs the same thing: the physical, emotional, and spiritual support of their families. ANY person who marries at ANY age needs to be a responsible, safe partner.

If your teen daughter is pregnant, you may find it helpful to read the chapters titled "Should they marry?" and "Teen marriage success" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy." There are also other posts about marriage on this blog, just click the label "Marriage" below or in the right-hand column.

Examining Relationships

Family & Consumer Sciences at Michigan State University Extension created a free program called "Caring for My Family." One of the lessons in this program is called "Making Your Choice" and it focuses on examining the realtionship between the pregnant woman and the baby's father. Consider printing out this lesson and discussing it with your pregnant daughter and her baby's father. Help your daughter and the baby's father to get outside counseling about their relationship and its future. Some of the main points from this lesson are as follows.

The lesson asks some questions to help each person look at their relationship. These questions should be answered on paper, by your daughter and the baby's father separately. As a parent, write your own answers to some of these questions twice: once about your pregnant daughter and once about the baby's father [as you'll see, not all of them apply to you. For example, 'would you consider marrying this person?' However, you could rewrite them to work for you (for example, 'do you think your daughter should consider marrying this person')]. After everyone is finished writing their answers, get together (possibly with an outside counselor) and discuss everyone's answers. These also make good thought questions for your other children who are in dating relationships (some questions will have to be reworded to match their dating relationship instead of a parenting relationship).

• When you think of the baby’s father/mother, what are the major feelings you have?
• Would you consider marrying this person? Why or why not?
• What do you think marriage to this person would be like?
• What attracted you to him or her to begin with? Do the same things still attract you?
• Has the baby’s father or mother been a good or bad influence in your life?
• Do you love each other?
• What do you like best about him or her? Least?
• Who puts more into the relationship?
• Do you get along with his/her family and friends?
• How would you change him/her?
• Do you talk enough? Do you listen to each other when you do talk?
• Do you argue too much or not enough?
• Has the baby’s mother/father hurt you or your baby in any major way? If so, was it deliberate? Were his/her intentions good?
• Have you hurt him/her or your baby in any way?
• Does he/she limit you in any way? If so, how?
• What interests and friends do you share?
• How would you describe him/her as parent? Is he a good father or is she a good mother?
• What would you miss if you stopped seeing each other? What do you miss, if have already stopped seeing each other?
• What would you be glad about if you broke up? Or what are you glad about since you broke up?
• How does your relationship compare to the one you’d like?
• How do you see your relationship with him/her five years from now? 18 years from now?
• Are your present actions taking you there?
• What other concerns do you have about the baby’s father or mother?

Now that you have examined the relationship between your pregnant daughter and the baby's father a little bit, you can start to examine the options for their relationship going forward. There are a number of options which should be considered carefully. Make pro/con lists for each of these options. Then spend time thinking and praying about which choice to make. Basically, your pregnant daughter has the following choices for the relationship with the baby's father:

• Marry the baby's father 'soon' (within a year)
• Marry the baby's father at some point much later (years in the future)
• Have no contact/involvement with the baby's father: either be a single parent, marry someone else (at some later point), or choose an adoptive family for the baby
• Not marry the baby's father but he will be involved in parenting with you to some degree
• Not marry the baby's father at this time (and maybe never) and choose an adoptive family for the baby

You may find it helpful to read the following chapters from our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy": "Where does the baby's father belong in all this?", "Should they marry?", "Teen marriage success", "Should she parent alone?", and "Should she make an adoption plan?".

Episode 8 - The Secret Life of the American Teenager

Thanks for stopping by our blog! You can read about previous episodes of "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" by clicking the label "Media" here or at the end of this post. You can watch some of the episodes online here (click the tab called "Full Episode"). Here are a few points from Episode 8, with some items to discuss with your teens.

Amy's grandmother, "Mimsy," arrives and greets Amy in the kitchen. When Amy looks embarrassed by Mimsy mentioning the baby, Mimsy says, "No shame. Not a moment of shame. Not with me, anyway, because I'm so proud of you. You are a wonderful girl! So, you're going to have a baby, so what? Who cares? Life must have wanted another beautiful creature on this planet. Who knows Life's plan? We don't know how this is all going to turn out...whether this is going to be a good thing or a bad thing, so don't worry about it, not a bit!" Talk to your kids about these sentiments. Are they in line with what they wish a response to pregnancy would be? What do you think of these thoughts?

At school, Ricky is talking to Adrian. He says he's been learning about babies. He says he cares about the baby. Adrian counters with, "Or, you just think you should care, so you're acting as if you care." Ricky replies, "What's the difference?" Talk to your kids about the difference. How could they tell if a boy was just pretending to care about them? If your daughter is pregnant, does she think the baby's father really cares about her and the baby or is justing pretending to care?

Next Ricky is talking to Grace and he tells her that Amy is going to her grandmother's house to live. He sneers, "She's running away like a child. It might be a good time to grow up. There are schools for girls like her." If your daughter is pregnant, what does she want to do about finishing school? How does she perceive school programs for pregnant teens? What does she think about the possibility of living with relatives during her pregnancy -- is it running away to do so? Being pregnant does mean that you have to grow up, regardless of what age you are when pregnant. What areas of life do your kids think need to become more adult when someone is pregnant?

At Amy's house, Mimsy has brought Amy a sweater that Amy's mom wore when she told Mimsy she was pregnant herself. Mimsy says she remembers telling Amy's mom (just as she has now told Amy) that "Adoption is not an option. We're a big family. We can take care of this baby. You and George and me and even Ashley. We can take care of the baby!" Amy's mom replies, "Well, mom, I don't know about that. We still have lots of time to think about what's right for Amy and the baby." Mimsy says, "Oh, well we don't need any more time. Amy and I have decided. We don't want adoption. We want to keep the baby." A wonderful benefit of not rushing into an abortion is that you have plenty of time to figure out how to overcome the challenges of parenting and adoption. Acknowledge to yourselves that you can change your mind about adoption and parenting many times during the pregnancy, and even for some period of time after the baby is born. But the fact that there is time to think doesn't mean you should wait until the last minute to become educated about both adoption and parenting. One teen we worked with had put this self-education off for later but she suddenly went into labor and gave birth nearly 2.5 months early. Amidst the scary birth of the premature baby, she wasn't prepared to make decisions about parenting and adoption because she assumed she had plenty of time to think about them "tomorrow." So start the process of learning and decision making as soon as possible. Talk to your kids about Mimsy's reaction that they whole family would help take care of the baby and thus adoption shouldn't be chosen. What does your whole family think about your daughter's pregnancy? What does each of them wish she would choose? Are they truely willing to help with middle of the night feedings? or babysitting while your daughter is in school? If your family is not available or not able to help with raising the baby, does that encourage you to examine adoption more closely?

Amy says that she wants to keep the baby, and "Mimsy agrees that Ben and I should get married, and possibly go on a honeymoon to Paris... a little wedding gift from Mimsy." Amy's mom is stunned and points out that Mimsy hasn't even met Ben and that they are both just 15 years old. Mimsy says, "Who cares how old they are?" This topic of teen marriage has come up in several episodes, so see our other posts about this show to find discussion questions about marriage. In this post, let's talk about weddings and honeymoons. What are your kid's dreams about their eventual wedding? Have them do research on the cost of their dream wedding. How would your family pay for it? Then have your kids develop ideas for a wedding that would be nice but the budget would be something that is easily affordable instead of needing a second mortgage or huge loan. We have worked with several women who had weddings that were so expensive that the loan wasn't even paid off when the couple divorced a few years later, in part due to the economic stresses they were unable to handle. Next talk about their dream honeymoon, and a honeymoon that would be nice but more affordable. If your daughter is pregnant, would it make more economic sense to save up for a five-year wedding anniversary trip instead of an extravagant wedding and honeymoon?

In the show, we start to see that maybe Mimsy is suffering from Alzheimer's, because she pulls out the silverware drawer and says the baby can stay in there for the first year or two, and then they can find something bigger like a dresser drawer. Later in the show, we learn that Mimsy has already moved into an assisted living facility and she will be touring Europe for a few months while she still can. Families often face stresses from multiple directions, just like this show. As a parent, you may have to cope with the stress of a pregnant single daughter at the same time as the stress of your own parent with failing health. Make sure that you too get any support or grief counseling you need to help you cope with all parts of your life as a parent.

At Grace's house, Ricky and Grace's brother have a talk because Grace's brother was adopted into Grace's family because his mother died. Ricky had told Grace earlier that he wasn't sure about adoption for his child because he didn't know what adoption was like. While you and your daughter are educating yourselves about adoption in order to cover all the bases, see if you can talk to a person who was adopted into a family. Make up a list of questions to ask them, including the things you are afraid of. For example, are you afraid the adopted person feels rejected by their first mother? Don't let myths and misconceptions rule your mind as you learn about all of your options regarding the baby.

Amy & Madison are talking about how they both wanted someone to desire them, even though they knew that Ricky was a horrible person. Lauren and Madison both admit they feel desparate to get a boyfriend. Talk to your kids about this natural longing to belong and to be loved. Ask them to describe how they feel. What do they imagine a perfect loving relationship would be like? What do they think the realities of relationships are like? Ask them to brainstorm all the different paths their longing for love could lead them down. Some of these paths may end up in a good place, and others will not. Ask them to describe the differences between infatuation, lust, and real love. There are lots of books that talk about these emotions..perhaps you could discuss one with your teens.

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy also has a discussion guide for episode 8 (pdf).

"Is Marriage In Our Future?"

The topic of marriage has been on the minds of some of our readers recently, with queries such as "should pregnant christian people get married?", and "when daughter does not have blessing of marriage", among others. There is no single answer that fits all situations. Choosing to marry the baby's father is a decision that should be made with careful consideration, prayer, and outside counseling.

Family & Consumer Sciences at Michigan State University Extension created a free program called "Caring for My Family." One of the lessons in this program is called "Is Marriage In Our Future?". Consider printing out this lesson and discussing it with your pregnant daughter and her baby's father. Help your daughter and the baby's father to get outside counseling about their relationship and its future. Some of the main points from this lesson are as follows.

The lesson first lists a few facts about marriage:
"In 2000, 58% of all men and 54% of all women over the age of 15 were married. For people age 35 through 44, 69% of men and 71% of women were married. In 2000, 8.3% of all men and 10.2% of all women over age 15 were divorced."

"Many people have studied the effects of marriage on people and society. These experts found that people who are married:
• Are healthier, in general
• Live longer
• Tend to have more money and more financial security

They also found that children who live with their married parents:
• Get more education
• Have better marriages when they grow up
• Feel better about themselves and their lives

But healthy marriages are important. People with marital problems tend to be:
• More depressed
• Get sick more often
• Have children who get sick more often
• Have children who are not well adjusted

And if people divorce, their health suffers. For example:
• Divorced adults have a greater chance of dying earlier
• Children whose parents divorce live an average of four years less"

The lesson makes a good point that not everyone is a good candidate for marriage. You should not automatically get married just because you are pregnant. If your partner is abusive, you should get help to get away from them, not marry them. The lesson suggests these "yellow flags" as areas to get counseling about when considering a potential marriage partner:

Yellow Flags About Marriage:

• If your partner is often very depressed, unsure of himself or herself, and very anxious.
  
  
• If either of you ask over and over again, “Are you sure you love me? Do you really care about me?”
  
  
• If you spend most of your time together arguing and disagreeing.
  
  
• If your partner overreacts to simple problems or situations.
  
  
• If you keep thinking, “Things will be better when we get married.”
  
  
• If your partners wants to make all the important decisions and you resent it.
  
  
• If you are feeling pressure to get married but don’t want to.
  
  
• If you spend a day alone with your partner (not watching television), and you find you can’t stand it.
  
  
• If your partner does things you cannot stand but you are afraid to tell him or her because he or she will get mad.
  

The lesson also suggests a few "red flags" and encourages you not to marry a person with these challenges until they have been resolved:

"Red Flags"

• If your partner is an addict and not in recovery.
  
  
• If your partner physically or verbally abuses you or your children.
  
  
• If your partner is very controlling and you are fearful of him.
  
  
• If your partner demands that you drop all your friends and not see your family.
  
  
• If your partner gets angry easily and can’t control his or her temper.
  
  
• If your partner takes money that is needed to buy food and other necessities.
  

With your daughter, each of you write out a list of the positive traits a good marriage partner should have, and a list of the negative traits they should not have. Compare your lists. Then discuss how your daughter matches these lists and how the baby's father matches these lists. No one is perfect and each person will have a mix of positive and negative marriage traits. Try to be realistic and thorough.

The lesson suggests some questions to ask yourself:
• Do you believe that your future husband or wife will change if you get married? The facts show that most of us do not change very much or very quickly.
• Do you believe that you will be different when you get married? Do you hope that getting married will give you a fresh start and you can leave your problems behind? Most of us bring “baggage” with us into our marriages. If we had unhappy childhoods or don’t get along well with our parents, we will carry these problems into our marriage.
• Do you struggle with depression, anxiety, anger, being overly sensitive to criticism, or having frequent mood swings? Get help with these problems before getting married. Work on building your relationship with your own parents.
• Are you closing your eyes to your own or your partner’s faults? Most of us tend to not see our partner’s faults before we get married. Then after we are married we notice every fault.

Finally, the lesson suggests a three things that help make a marriage more successful:
"1) A marriage lasts when couples are able to solve the disagreements and conflict that are a part of every relationship.
2) A marriage must have at least five positive moments for every negative moment between the couple. In other words acts of kindness need to outweigh criticism and other negative behavior by a ratio of five to one.
3) But it is not a matter of just being nice. Instead, it is learning to calm oneself, to listen and respond nondefensively, and to stick together even when the going gets rough.
So, a healthy marriage involves more than marrying the “right person.” It also involves learning to manage conflict, to talk to each other and to stay committed during the tough times. It means becoming friends."

You may find it helpful to read the following chapters in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy": "Should they marry?", "Teen marriage success", "Should she parent alone?", "Where does the baby's father belong in all this?", "The importance of a father", and "Single moms and church".

Episode 2 - Secret Life of the American Teenager

Episode 2 of "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" had very few statistics in it. A lot of the plot circles around the rumors that are circulating about Amy & Ricky. You can watch the two most-recent episodes online here. Here are a few points from the show, followed by some items to discuss with your teens.

• Amy hasn't told her parents that she's pregnant yet, and is planning to pretend it never happened. She says she figures she has two options: Tell her parents she's pregnant and "ruin the rest of her life", or pretend it never happened.
• Grace's mom talks to Grace about how many women blame themselves when their partner cheats on them, making excuses for his behavior.
• Grace's dad says the reason they gave Grace the promise ring isn't because they don't trust Grace, but because they don't trust the boys she might date. He says that teenage boys in high school are only interested in one thing: sex.
• Ben's friend says that the younger people are when they marry, the more likely the are to divorce, but she doesn't give any numbers.
• Ben tells Amy he doesn't want to know about her past relationships.

Talk to your kids:

• If they needed to tell you they were pregnant, what do they think your reaction would be? What do they wish your ideal reaction would be? What do you think your reaction would be? What do you wish your ideal reaction could be? If your teen needed to tell you they were pregnant, how would you like to be told?



• So far, Amy has been pretty unemotional about being pregnant. In this episode we see that she is firmly planting herself in denial, repeating "Never happened!" If your teen daughter is pregnant, ask her what emotions and thoughts she was having when she was at this point in her pregnancy (about 6 weeks). If your teens are not pregnant, ask them to imagine what they might be feeling and thinking if they were 6 weeks pregnant. When you first became pregnant with your child(ren), what were your thoughts and feelings?



• What do your kids think about being unfaithful in a relationship? Is Jack right that "just one kiss" should be quickly forgiven? (even though we know he's lying about this) What does faithfulness involve? How about "just looking, not touching" - is that cheating? Who is to blame when one partner cheats? Does lack of sexual activity make cheating excusable?



• Stereotyping all high school boys as being interested only in sex may be taking it too far. How is this fictional high school similar to the school your teens attend? How is it different? Are there predatory boys (like Ricky) or girls (like Adrian) in their high school that are looking for sexual conquests?



• What kinds of rumors circulate at your teen's high school? In a previous post, we summarized a recent research study that showed that one of the ways that abusive dates control their partner is by threatening to spread rumors about them. Do your teens know anyone who is being threatened this way? Has anyone ever threatened your teens by saying they will spread rumors about them?



• Thinking forward to when your teens get married some day, will they want to know the complete sexual history of their spouse? Will they want to keep anything hidden themselves? Do your teens think they will care about their spouse's previous sexual experiences? Does the idea of explaining previous sexual experiences to their future spouse cause them to reconsider any of their current activities?



• In our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" we have a chapter titled "Should They Marry?" which has a lot of facts about teen pregnancy and teen marriage. Here's a small excerpt: "Teen marriages generally have a bad reputation as leading to a guaranteed divorce. However, this reputation is not based completely on the facts. Data from the 2002 National Survey on Family Growth* shows that 48% of first marriages by girls under 18 years of age had dissolved by the 10th anniversary. This means that 52% of young teen marriages were still intact after 10 years! To balance the fact that waiting until the age of 23 to marry improves the chance of the marriage lasting 10 years, we have the fact that women who bear a child without marrying the father of the child have a 40% lower likelihood of ever marrying.**" What do your teens think about these statistics? Do they think that considering marriage when pregnant is a good idea or a bad idea? Under what circumstances do they think considering marriage when pregnant would be a good idea and when would it be a bad idea?



• Amy's best friends know she is pregnant and that she hasn't told her parents. If your teens knew their best friend was pregnant in high school, would you want your kids to tell you? How about if your kids knew their best friend was struggling with alcohol - would you want your kids to tell you? How about if your kids knew their best friend was taking drugs, or being beaten up by their date, or being hit by their parents?



• We've seen Amy go to her pediatrician in episode one. Where do your teens think they would go for medical help if they thought they were pregnant? Where would you want your teen to go for help if they thought they were pregnant? Is there anywhere you would not want your teen to go for help if they thought they were pregnant? What are the privacy rules regarding pregnant minors at your kid's primary physician? Would your minor's doctor be required to keep a pregnancy secret from you because of patient confidentiality? Do you know anything about the teen pregnancy related beliefs your teen's doctor holds? If you live in a state where there is no parental notification law and no parental consent law, would your teen's doctor offer your teen an abortion without your knowledge or consent? What about contraceptives?

References:

* "Fertility, Family Planning, and Reproductive Health of U.S. Women: Data from the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth." Vital and Health Statistics, Series 23, Number 25, December 2005. U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Health Statistics.

** Daniel Lichter and Deborah Roempke Graefe, "Finding a Mate? The Marital and Cohabitation Histories of Unwed Mothers," in Lawrence Wu and Barbara Wolfe (eds.), "Out of Wedlock: Trends, Causes and Consequences of Non-marital Fertility." New York: Russell Sage Foundation, 2001.

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy has a discussion guide for this episode too (PDF file).

Fathers: Their Impact on Teen Pregnancy and Education

When talking about pregnancy in the teen and college population we often focus solely on the pregnant young mother, neglecting the father. So let's spend this week looking at fathers a little bit, and think and talk about how the baby's father impacts your daughter, her child, and your family.

The National Fatherhood Initiative reports the following statistics:

Father Factor in Teen Pregnancy

Being raised by a single mother raises the risk of teen pregnancy, marrying with less than a high school degree, and forming a marriage where both partners have less than a high school degree.
Source: Teachman, Jay D. “The Childhood Living Arrangements of Children and the Characteristics of Their Marriages.” Journal of Family Issues 25 (January 2004): 86-111.

- Separation or frequent changes increase a woman’s risk of early menarche, sexual activity and pregnancy. Women whose parents separated between birth and six years old experienced twice the risk of early menstruation, more than four times the risk of early sexual intercourse, and two and a half times higher risk of early pregnancy when compared to women in intact families. The longer a woman lived with both parents, the lower her risk of early reproductive development. Women who experienced three or more changes in her family environment exhibited similar risks but were five times more likely to have an early pregnancy.
Source: Quinlan, Robert J. “Father absence, parental care, and female reproductive development.” Evolution and Human Behavior 24 (November 2003): 376-390.

- Researchers using a pool from both the U.S. and New Zealand found strong evidence that father absence has an effect on early sexual activity and teenage pregnancy. Teens without fathers were twice as likely to be involved in early sexual activity and seven times more likely to get pregnant as an adolescent.
Source: Ellis, Bruce J., John E. Bates, Kenneth A. Dodge, David M. Ferguson, L. John Horwood, Gregory S. Pettit, and Lianne Woodward. “Does Father Absence Place Daughters at Special Risk for Early Sexual Activity and Teenage Pregnancy.” Child Development 74 (May/June 2003): 801-821.

Father Factor in Education

- Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school.
Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. National Center for Health Statistics. Survey on Child Health. Washington, D.C.: GPO, 1993.

- Father involvement in schools is associated with the higher likelihood of a student getting mostly A's. This was true for fathers in biological parent families, for stepfathers, and for fathers heading single-parent families.
Source: Nord, Christine Winquist, and Jerry West. Fathers’ and Mothers’ Involvement in Their Children’s Schools by Family Type and Resident Status. (NCES 2001-032). Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Education, National Center for Education Statistics, 2001.

- Students living in father-absent homes are twice as likely to repeat a grade in school; 10 percent of children living with both parents have ever repeated a grade, compared to 20 percent of children in stepfather families and 18 percent in mother-only families.
Source: Nord, Christine Winquist, and Jerry West. Fathers’ and Mothers’ Involvement in Their Children’s Schools by Family Type and Resident Status. (NCES 2001-032). Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Education, National Center for Education Statistics, 2001.

- Students in single-parent families or stepfamilies are significantly less likely than students living in intact families to have parents involved in their schools. About half of students living in single-parent families or stepfamilies have parents who are highly involved, while 62 percent of students living with both their parents have parents who are highly involved in their schools.
Source: Nord, Christine Winquist, and Jerry West. Fathers’ and Mothers’ Involvement in Their Children’s Schools by Family Type and Resident Status. (NCES 2001-032). Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Education, National Center for Education Statistics, 2001.

- In 2001, 61 percent of 3- to 5-year olds living with two parents were read aloud to everyday by a family member, compared to 48% of children living in single- or no-parent families.
Source: Federal Interagency Forum on Child and Family Statistics. America's Children: Key National Indicators of Well-Being, 2002. Table ED1. Washington, DC: U.S. Government Printing Office, 2003.

- Kindergarteners who live with single-parents are over-represented in those lagging in health, social and emotional, and cognitive outcomes. Thirty-three percent of children who were behind in all three areas were living with single parents while only 22% were not lagging behind.
Source: Wertheimer, Richard and Tara Croan, et al. Attending Kindergarten and Already Behind: A Statistical Portrait of Vulnerable Young Children. Child Trends Research Brief. Publication #2003-20. Washington, DC: Child Trends, 2003.

- In two-parent families, children under the age of 13 spend an average of 1.77 hours engaged in activities with their fathers and 2.35 hours doing so with their mothers on a daily basis in 1997. Children in single parent families spent on .42 hours with their fathers and 1.26 hours with their mothers on daily basis.
Source: Lippman, Laura, et al. Indicators of Child, Family, and Community Connections. Office of the Assistant Secretary for Planning and Evaluation. Washington, DC: US Department of Health and Human Services, 2004.

- A study of 1330 children from the PSID showed that fathers who are involved on a personal level with their child schooling increases the likelihood of their child's achievement. When fathers assume a positive role in their child's education, students feel a positive impact.
Source: McBride, Brent A., Sarah K. Schoppe-Sullivan, and Moon-Ho Ho. "The mediating role of fathers' school involvement on student achievement." Applied Developmental Psychology 26 (2005): 201-216.

- Half of all children with highly involved fathers in two-parent families reported getting mostly A's through 12th grade, compared to 35.2% of children of nonresident father families.
Source: National Center for Education Statistics. The Condition of Education. NCES
1999022. Washington, DC: U.S. Dept. of Education, 1999: 76.

Our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy: Practical Advice for the Parents of a Pregnant Christian Single" has several chapters about the father of your daughter's baby: "Where Does The Baby's Father Belong In All This?", "Forgiving The Baby's Father", "Forgiving The Young Man's Parents", and "The Importance Of A Father."

Talk with your daughter about the issues revealed in the statistics above.

• Have you raised your pregnant daughter as a single mother yourself? If so, talk to your daughter about her thoughts and feelings of being raised without a father present. Does she think this may have contributed to her sexual activity?
• What are your daughter's plans for marriage? Does she hope to marry the baby's father? If not, what are her ideas for finding a spouse who will accept her child as his own?
• Is your daughter considering dropping out of school because of the pregnancy?
• What ideas does your daughter have for how she will spend more than 1.26 hours with her child each day?
• What male could currently provide a positive male influence on her child when the child goes to school?
• What are your daughter's dreams for a father figure for her child? How realistic are these dreams? What steps can she and your family take to have an actively involved father figure in the life of her child?
  

As you and your daughter talk about an involved father for her child, try to determine who will play this role. It may be the child's father. If the child's father will not be involved for whatever reason, who in your current family could play this crucial role? If no one is available or acceptable, spend some time considering an adoption plan where the child would have the advantages of a father as the child grows.