Alicia's Story

In a report from the Family Research Council, titled "A Passion To Serve", Alicia tells her story:

Before I tell you my story, I want you to know that I take full responsibility for my actions. I’m not blaming anyone but me for the choices I made in my life. But that wasn’t how I felt that April night when I came home from work.

I came home that night feeling as if something was not right with my body. I continued questioning myself, “What could it be?” I sat down in the living room and just cried. I felt as if it really did not matter what was wrong because I did not have anyone to listen to me. Out of habit and without even thinking about it, I turned on the TV. And almost as soon as I did, a commercial for a home pregnancy test came on.

Hearing this ad raised a question in my mind. “Could this be what was wrong with me? No, I could not be pregnant.” I did not want to even think about it. So I bought a kit with two pregnancy tests and took the first test ... pregnant. Hoping I’d done something wrong, I took the second test ... pregnant.

Feeling terribly alone and extremely guilty, my mind filled with questions. “How could I be a mother? How could I provide a home for a baby?” I had to get out of my apartment. I left and went to talk to a friend. I know that my friend meant well. However, he was too busy working on his jeep to really have anything to say about my situation. He just kept saying, “Are you sure? Do you know who the father is?” Talking with him only made things worse.

I turned the TV back on. And that’s when I heard a young woman’s voice saying: “If you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy, you have options. You don’t have to be alone. Call 1-800-395-HELP. Our services are totally confidential and free. If you’re pregnant, call now. There is help.” I couldn’t believe my ears. It was as if God had arranged things just so I heard that ad at the very moment when I most needed some hope.

Grace. That’s what moved me to respond to that young woman’s voice.

The name of the woman at the Option Line contact center who took my call was Megan. But for me that night, Megan was an angel from heaven.

She understood what I was going through because she’d had a crisis pregnancy herself. She was kind and not in the least judgmental. And she gave me the information and encouragement I needed...especially about adoption since that’s the option Megan chose for her baby. But most of all...Megan gave me hope. So when she asked if I wanted her to connect me to a local crisis pregnancy center’s 24-hour hotline, I said yes...and a moment later I was talking with a trained volunteer and making an appointment to come in for a consultation the very next day.

I met with a volunteer named Peggy and I talked for a long time. I poured out my heart to her. I was so afraid. I was sure that neither my father nor my boyfriend would support me. I told Peggy I would probably lose my job because my company has a “no fraternization” policy, and my boyfriend and I work for the same company. I talked for what seemed like forever...and Peggy listened.

Finally, after I’d talked myself out, Peggy took my hands in hers, looked me in the eye and told me she was there to help me. You can’t imagine how I felt at the sound of those words. It was as if a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

Peggy assured me that I was not alone. She said she would be with me every step of the way. And then she prayed with me. After that, Peggy said that before she and I could address the changes I needed to make in my life, the first thing I needed to do was make sure I was pregnant. So I agreed to come back to the center’s medical clinic for an ultrasound.

Almost immediately after leaving the clinic, I called my mother at work. I just straightened my voice and said, “Mom, please don’t hate me...I’m pregnant.” As soon as the words came out, the tears started flowing again. All I could hear my mom say is that everything would be okay and that she was my mom and she was here to support me.

I am grateful to God for my mom. She did not abandon me. In fact, she came with me when I went in for my [second] sonogram. I am so thankful she did. I saw my baby’s heart beating on the screen, and my mother and I began to weep. Then the nurse showed us the images of my baby.

This past December – thanks to God – I gave birth to my baby girl. Her name is Alexis Jean...and she is the light of my life. If it hadn’t been for Heartbeat, I don’t know how I would have gotten by.

---

You and your pregnant daughter do not have to succumb to pressure to have an abortion either. Do your research on all options carefully. Pray about it. Get counsel from a mature Christian who does not have a stake in the decision. Talk to someone at your local pregnancy resource center. You may find our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" a helpful resource to help you discuss all the decisions that must be made.

Mallory's story

In a report from the Family Research Council, titled "A Passion To Serve", Mallory tells her story:

My story of survival is one that I often take for granted. My life was ill conceived and what some would call illegitimate. I am the child of the hard case, the case used to justify abortion.

The night of my conception my mother made the unfortunate mistake of running to a false friend for emotional comfort during a personal crisis. Another man was there, and using the situation to his advantage, he and her “friend” managed to get her drunk, leaving her no possibility of getting home that night. She was shown to a spare bed, in which this stranger would also be sleeping. With the alcohol impairing her judgment as well as her strength, she became the unwitting victim of a rape.

When she realized she was pregnant, she turned to Living Alternatives for help. They counseled her through the pregnancy and gave her information about the positive aspects of adoption. Fortunately, my birthmother made the heroic decision to provide me with a loving mother and father, wonderful people that I am blessed to call my parents. I have never once felt unloved, unwanted, or out of place in my adoptive family. My parents make it a point to tell me that my adoption was the perfect answer to their infertility. They rejoice to see me spread my wings as a college student.

In the midst of simply enjoying life and looking forward to the future, it is sobering to think that had my birthmother not turned to the pregnancy center for help, I might not have left her womb intact. I am glad to be alive and I feel an obligation to let people know that pregnancy centers are good for America because they really do help women and children. Currently, I see myself fighting for the lives of other babies much like me. With the gift I have received, that would be perfectly legitimate.

I am currently enjoying life as a student at Regent University.

---

You and your pregnant daughter do not have to succumb to pressure to have an abortion either. Do your research on all options carefully. Pray about it. Get counsel from a mature Christian who does not have a stake in the decision. Talk to someone at your local pregnancy resource center. You may find our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" a helpful resource to help you discuss all the decisions that must be made.

Tia's story

In a report from the Family Research Council, titled "A Passion To Serve", Tia tells her story:

When I found out I was pregnant, I had no idea what I was going to do. I thought there was no way I could provide for a child and decided that abortion was my only option. I went to the City Health Department looking for an abortion referral, but they suggested I go to the Pregnancy Care Center, a local Care Net center in Rocky Mount, North Carolina. At first I was scared they were going to judge me because of my situation, but when I walked through the doors I was accepted with open arms. My peer counselor offered me hope and assurance and told me that God has a plan for everyone, and that included me and my child. She told me that God would take care of both of us if I would let Him. That day, I gave my life to Jesus Christ and chose life for my child.

The center arranged for me to have an ultrasound, which revealed that I was having twins! Excited but a little anxious, this news motivated me to begin parenting classes at the center as well as to attend a Bible study. Through the parenting classes, I learned how to take care of myself, as well as my children. Through the Bible study, I learned how to draw closer to God and how to make positive decisions for my future. I realized that I’m worth waiting for and have made a new commitment to remain abstinent until marriage.

Today I am the proud mother of twins, a boy and girl, who I named Ma-chi and Ma-chiya. I plan on completing a degree in nursing and will soon begin classes.

If I could give advice to other girls that find themselves in a similar situation, I would tell them to never give up and to put all their faith in God, because with Him, anything is possible!

---

You and your pregnant daughter do not have to succumb to pressure to have an abortion either. Do your research on all options carefully. Pray about it. Get counsel from a mature Christian who does not have a stake in the decision. Talk to someone at your local pregnancy resource center. You may find our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" a helpful resource to help you discuss all the decisions that must be made.

Tina and Isabella's Story

In a report from the Family Research Council, titled "A Passion To Serve", Tina tells her story:

My boyfriend said there was only one option: abortion. After all, what would our parents say? What would the people at our church think?

I obediently scheduled an appointment, but before the date arrived, I was overwhelmed with doubts. I knew I couldn't do it. Desperate for help and options, I turned to the phone book and found the Care Net Pregnancy Center of Cochise County.

I scheduled an appointment to meet with a peer counselor. They sat down with me and helped me go over all of my options, and they really listened to my needs. I didn't feel judged; I just felt cared for.

After meeting with my counselor, I knew that I wanted to keep this baby. I still had fears about how this decision was going to affect my future, but the staff from the pregnancy center was there for me throughout my pregnancy. They offered me parenting classes as well as ears to talk to, shoulders to cry on, and ready prayers.

And now, I have a beautiful little daughter, Isabella. When I look at my daughter, I still cannot believe that I almost considered abortion. Life as a single mother is not a bed of roses, but the love that I have for my daughter and the love that she gives to me make it all worthwhile.

I am so thankful for the love and support I received at the Care Net center and for their continuing friendship and prayers!

---

You and your pregnant daughter do not have to succumb to pressure to have an abortion either. Do your research on all options carefully. Pray about it. Get counsel from a mature Christian who does not have a stake in the decision. Talk to someone at your local pregnancy resource center. You may find our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" a helpful resource to help you discuss all the decisions that must be made.

Megan and Ava's Story

In a report from the Family Research Council, titled "A Passion To Serve", Megan tells her story:

When I found out I was pregnant, I was scared, confused, and believed everything I had been told. "Having a baby will ruin your life." "Abortion is the only way out." "Young single mothers cannot make it in this world." The fears I felt toward confronting the pregnancy, and having such drastic changes take place in my life, confirmed my decision. An abortion was the only way to "save" my life as I knew it.

I made an appointment for the next week for a medical abortion, where I would take the medication/pill regimen known as RU-486. The thought of "surgical abortion" made me queasy, and the clinic staff made the pill sound so simple - like taking a Tylenol for a headache. It seemed like the perfect solution had fallen right in my lap. But what I first thought was the answer to my prayers soon came with its own set of worries. I couldn't shake the nagging thoughts in the back of my mind, those unsettled feelings that I was sure would disappear since I had made the appointment to take the RU-486.

My anxiety worsened as the date for the abortion grew closer. I crept slowly through the days, wishing that I could stall the abortion appointment until I felt 100% confident about my choice. It was the biggest decision of my life, and I needed, I craved some conviction that it was the right decision. One day, as I was riding on the bus I saw a sign that read, "Considering Abortion? Pregnancy Care Centers: Caring, Confidential, Trusted." It gave me a sense of comfort I hadn't felt in weeks. I decided to call the number... I figured at that point, what did I have to lose? Maybe I did have one more chance to talk to someone before the abortion.

When I called the Help Line phone number, I was nervous - I didn't want to be judged or pressured. I just wanted to hear something hopeful. The woman on the other end of the line listened, and didn't judge. She gave me information, and set me up with an appointment. I don't know what prompted me to go. But I knew that I couldn't go in and get the abortion without some sense of affirmation that whatever choice I made, it would be a well-informed decision.

The visit to the pregnancy care center changed my life. For the first time, I saw my situation for what it really was - a blessing, a miracle of life. I saw my baby on the ultrasound as a real person. I could see her as a newborn baby... a little girl... and a grown woman who would do amazing things in this world if I would just give her the opportunity. Seeing Ava opened my eyes to everything I couldn't see before. I was able to see past my fears and my worries, and experience the excitement and joy of a new life. I felt a renewed sense of purpose, and an overwhelming responsibility to myself as a woman, and my capabilities of being a mother. The support and love the center showed me gave me the validation I was searching for all along.

The center wasn't about fixing a "problem" or telling me what to do - it was about the undeniable, unselfish celebration of life... and not just my baby's life, but mine as well. It was about empowerment, guidance and support. They were my reminder, when I was too scared to remind myself, that I didn't need to succumb to pressure just because I was afraid, and that I could choose the life I wanted. For the first time, I felt like I had choices and that I could make a genuine, confident decision.

When I left the clinic, I realized that the pit in my stomach was gone. I no longer had that nagging feeling of dread I had while I was waiting to have the abortion. I finally understood that the dread was not just a result of my current situation. It was really a preview of the regret that I would feel living the rest of my life knowing I had made a decision that I didn't have any information about. It was regret in a decision which would have stolen those qualities of joy and unconditional love that I experience in my life every day now.

---

You and your pregnant daughter do not have to succumb to pressure to have an abortion either. Do your research on all options carefully. Pray about it. Get counsel from a mature Christian who does not have a stake in the decision. Talk to someone at your local pregnancy resource center. You may find our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" a helpful resource to help you discuss all the decisions that must be made.

Paula's story

In the September/October 2009 issue of "Celebrate Life" magazine, you can read the true story of Paula, a cadet at West Point Academy who found herself pregnant.

The campus health providers said that "West Point was prepared for cadets in her condition. First, there was the “weekend option.” “We will write you a special pass,” she explained. “We have a list of clinics. You can go, and when you come back, nobody has to know why you went or what you did.” “No,” Paula said, unwilling to go that route. “Are you sure?” the doctor asked, not pressing, but confirming what she was hearing. “Yes,” Paula answered, “don’t even give me that list. I could never do that.” “Okay,” the doctor replied. And without further discussion, she wrote a prescription for prenatal vitamins and sent Paula on her way."

"Choosing to carry her pregnancy to term, Paula had three options: (1) She could place the
baby for adoption and resume her career at West Point, graduating one semester behind her peers; (2) a family member could temporarily adopt the child until she graduated, at which point custody would revert to her; or (3) she could withdraw from West Point. Brian proposed, and together the two of them weighed each option. Brian opposed permanent adoption, and Paula felt the temporary adoption route was too disruptive for a child. That left her with option 3. “It was a tough pill to swallow,” Paula reflected later, but swallow it she did. The decision made, they set a date for their wedding after Brian’s graduation, at which point their child would be two."

Read the full article to see how her parents reacted and how the story turned out!

Resource: Southern Nevada Children First

Las Vegas TV News 3 has a video and article about Southern Nevada Children First, a program that helps "young mothers who don't have a home....[and] gives young mothers a place to stay while helping them to receive an education or search for a job." Up to seven young mothers and their babies can stay in the central Las Vegas home associated with Southern Nevada Children First. The two-year program gives 17 to 22-year-old homeless mothers a place to stay and a plan to get on their feet.

One 17-year-old mother, who asked to not be identified, knows what it's like to be homeless.
"My boyfriend had beat me and I had nowhere to go. I've been on the streets multiple times for multiple lengths of times." She still fears for her safety even though she's in a better place now.
"It really feels like a home; it doesn't feel like a shelter or a place you are staying because you don't have anywhere else to go. They helped me get into college so I am officially a college student. I want to get a full-time job and then transition to my own apartment and have my own place."

If your pregnant daughter can not live with you after the baby is born, where will she live? With other family? With friends? Does she need your help to find a program like this that will help her get on her feet? Call your local pregnancy resource center to see if they have referrals for housing. You may find it helpful to read our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" because it discusses the many decisions that you and your pregnant daughter are facing about housing during pregnancy, finishing her education, legal issues, medical issues, skill building and life options after the baby is born.

HELLP Syndrome

A recent news story titled "Miracle baby born months early survives against tremendous odds" tells the story of 24-year old mother Tira and her baby (Brianna) who was born at about 24 weeks of pregnancy. When Brianna was born at about 24 weeks of gestation, she weighed 13 ounces. She stayed in the hospital for nearly five months until she weighed about 5.5 pounds.

Tira, the mother, explained "I was having really bad pressure in my chest and pains, and I let it go for about two or three days and then we went to the hospital and they told me that was my liver shutting down, my blood pressure was skyrocket and if I would have waited 12 more hours they would have lost me and her both."

The symptoms of HELLP include:
Headache
Nausea and vomiting that continues to get worse
Upper abdominal pain
Vision problems
For more information on HELLP, click here.

Conditions like this are why your pregnant daughter needs to get prenatal care as early in her pregnancy as possible and to continue with prenatal care throughout her pregnancy. We talk about the importance of prenatal care in the chapters titled "First steps to take" and "The doctor appointment" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

Monitoring your kids online

A news article titled "Houston teen's Myspace page reveals sex with adult, pregnancy fears" tells the story of a mother of a 14-year-old girl. The mother "often checks her daughter's page to check for risky behavior or contact with strangers, and it's even more amazing to her that such information was found on the main page for anyone to see. The mom always figured she'd find trouble in the "sent messages" or "inbox" where messages are sent privately between two Myspace users."

Monitoring your teen's online activities is a very good idea. Let your teens know that you will be checking their blog or other accounts. Discuss rules about online behavior with them (what kinds of information they post, what kinds of pictures, etc.) and rules about meeting online contacts in real life. We posted about "Sex and Technology" previously, giving tips and statistics. MySpace offers parents a few safety tips here.

The mother called the teen home from a friends house and sat down to talk with her. "The two had never even discussed the girl becoming sexually active, and the mom says she was convinced her daughter hadn't reached that point yet."

Talk with your kids early and often about your values about alcohol, drugs, smoking, and sex. In a previous post called "Teen Sex: The Parent Factor", we said: "In a study of 700 teens in Philadelphia, 58% of teens reported being sexually active, while only 1/3 of their mothers believed they were." Have you directly asked your teens if they are sexually active? What activities do you include in this... for example, many young teens mistakenly believe that oral sex is not sexual activity. So be specific in your questions and conversations!

The news article continues, "The girl started to cry as she detailed for her mom that she was given alcohol while visiting a friend in Chambers County, east of Houston. She met a man from across the street and ended up crossing the street to talk with him, and the girl said the two ended up having sex." The mother then took her daughter to the police in order to file charges against the man but was shocked that the officer did not appear concerned and kept asking if the girl had agreed to the sexual activity. The article points out that, "In Texas, state law does not recognize that a child can give consent for sex with an adult. Statutory rape charges, felony charges of Sexual Assault of a Child, can be filed against an adult regardless of whether the child was coaxed or tricked into agreeing to sex." The article closes by saying that the mother hasn't been able to get the police to file charges.

If your underage daughter has been exploited by an adult, definitely pursue legal charges against the man. In addition, get your daughter medical attention and also counseling to help her process the situation.

Real Story: Mahogany

ABC Primetime ran a series of articles featuring teen moms. This article is the story of Mahogany.

"Mahogany became pregnant between the eighth and ninth grades, and gave birth to her son Khaesyn just two weeks before her 15th birthday." Mahogany's mother was also a teen mother and had been raising Mahogany as a single mother. The father of Mahogany's child is only occassionally involved with his child. When Mahogany discovered she was pregnant at 14, she considered abortion, but her mother would not give her the permission she needed in her state of Kentucky. Mahogany is now glad that she didn't get an abortion.

Mahogany attends a special school program that provides educational, medical and daycare support services to the 320 girls enrolled. This program helps 96% of its teen moms to graduate from high school. Mahogany intended to go to college and she has a career goal.

What are your pregnant daughter's dreams for her education? Does she have a career goal? Would an adoption plan help her achieve her goals? You may find it helpful to read the chapters "Completing school", "Should she parent alone?", "Should we adopt the baby?", and "Should she make an adoption plan?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

Real Story: Hannah

ABC Primetime ran a series of articles about teen moms. This article is the story of Hannah. Hannah was the homecoming queen, a cheerleader, played volleyball and was involved in lots of school activities. In the fall of her senior year of high school, she discovered she was pregnant after she and a friend went to buy a pregnancy test one night at a school basketball game. Hannah's first reaction was to cry and ask "What do I do?" When she told her boyfriend about the positive test, "he was surprised and he didn't take it well at all."

Hannah had a sonogram at about 7.5 weeks of pregnancy and discovered that she was carrying triplets. "As a church-going Christian whose faith is vitally important to her, she thought it was God's plan and never considered abortion. But at her next appointment, Hannah learned that one of the babies had stopped growing, and there would be just two babies, both girls."

The gossip at Hannah's school spread quickly. What gossip has your pregnant daughter faced as her pregnancy became known? Get her counseling help to deal with all the emotions she is facing.

Hannah's high school has about 20 pregnant students each year and has a support program to help the teen parents graduate. Does your pregnant daughter's school have a program to help her finish her education?

Hannah gave birth to her twin daughters two months early, but one of them died 12 days later. Help your daughter learn about premature birth and talk to her doctor to see if there are things your daughter should be doing to help minimize the risk of her child being born early.

Hannah is not in a relationship with her child's father currently, but he says he wants to be involved with his daughter as she grows up. Is your pregnant daughter still in a relationship with her child's father? How does he want to be involved in the life of his child? You may find it helpful to read the chapters "Where does the baby's father belong in all this?", "Forgiving the baby's father", and "The importance of a father" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

Real Story: Stephanie

ABC News recently ran an article and video featuring Stephanie, a teen mom. Stephanie was a 15-year old cheerleading sophomore in high school when she got pregnant. When she was able to tell her mother that she was pregnant, her mother was angry and told her to leave the house. So Stephanie stayed with her sister for a few days. Her mother "eventually calmed down and allowed Stephanie to return home, under one condition: she had to do her own chores. The tasks would be a homework assignment in preparation for her new life as a mother." Her mother's "anger quickly giving way to grandmotherly adoration." With support from her family and from a school program for teen mothers, Stephanie graduated from high school.

Watch this video segment where Stephanie tells about her day as a teen mom.

What chores can your pregnant daughter who lives with you do around the house to prepare her for independent living as a parent? Does her school have any programs that can help her finish her education? You may find it helpful to read the chapter "Completing School" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".

Real Story: Monica Aramburu

The Washingont Post ran an article titled "Breaking the Cycle" (by Michael Alison Chandler) which featured the story of Monica Aramburu.

Monica gave birth to her first child when she was in 8th grade, and her second child when she was in 12th grade.

Monica hopes to finish her high school diploma this summer. She has been going to school at a public high school (Bryant Alternative School) that has a special program for teen mothers.

The article says, "The Bryant program offers flexible schedules, parenting classes, mentoring, transportation and job counseling before and after graduation. Key to Bryant's success, Link said, is a partnership with the on-campus day-care center run by United Community Ministries."

Does your county have a program like this that could help your pregnant daughter finish her high school diploma?

Olympic Hero Tasha Danvers-Smith

Tasha Danvers-Smith was one of Britain’s most promising prospects for bringing home the gold medal in the 400-meter hurdles at the 2004 summer Olympics. She had recently married her trainer, Darrell Smith, and life was good...except that she discovered she was pregnant.

All of a sudden, Tasha’s world was turned upside down! The pressure to have an abortion was enormous, and Tasha admitted that she briefly considered it. She was the breadwinner of the family. Continuing the pregnancy would jeopardize their financial well-being. Not only that, the winners of Olympic gold frequently receive lucrative endorsement offers. These generate large amounts of income for the athlete. By having the baby, she and Darrell would be giving up a lot. In spite of the pressures, abortion didn’t linger in Tasha’s mind very long. She kept thinking of Matthew 16:26, “What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?” Tasha and Darrell knew a gold medal wasn’t worth their souls, and it wasn’t worth the life of their baby. They decided against abortion. (Life Issues Connector, July 2004)

Tasha was heavily criticised for choosing life for her baby instead of abortion so that she could compete in the Olympics. Her son was born in December, 2004, and Tasha resumed training for the Olympics.

Fast forward to the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing, China. Tasha once again was competing against the best in the world in the 400 meter hurdles event. On August 20, 2008 she ran her personal best to claim the bronze medal! With this tremendous victory, Tasha has demonstrated to women the world over that they don’t have to sacrifice their unborn children to fulfill their dreams. Tasha’s three-year-old son, Jaden, was an inspiration to her Olympic goals. The very thing critics said would destroy and derail her hopes was central to helping her fulfill them. (Lifelines)

What dreams and goals will be delayed because of your daughter's pregnancy? Would choosing a family to raise her child via adoption be a good option for her? Talk with your daughter about creating a plan that can get her back on track to meet her goals after her child is born. You may find it helpful to read the chapters "Where will we be in a year?", "Our hope for the next five years", "Beauty from ashes", and "Should she make an adoption plan?" from our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

Michelle's story

Michelle Hall, a blogger for Examiner.com, told briefly of her two pregnancies when she was a teen:

Absolutely becoming a teen mother was the most difficult, stressful thing I have ever been through. I nearly died and my daughter as well. Here’s a little glimpse into my teen pregnancy: due to my age my pregnancy was complicated, I had a petite frame and upon finding a problem was put on bed rest and serious restriction. Out of fear, they chose to deliver her via cesarean section a month early. She was stuck between my ribs and my pelvic bone and they struggled to get her out, once they did her breathing was not strong and they wisked her away, I did not even get to hold her. As I went into recovery, the medications wore off and the hospital somehow ran out (stormy day, supplies didn’t come in) and I began bleeding to death, and screaming from feeling the pain of the c-section and delivery just hours prior. As they resolved that issue the staff wheeled my little tiny baby girl in (in an incubator) and informed me she would be flown by helicopter to children’s hospital to be better cared for, but I would have to remain in the hospital for the next three days. Not exactly an after-school special on teen pregnancy is it?

She talks about how it is important for parents to start talking to their kids about sex early in life and to keep talking about as they grow, going into more detail as they are ready for it. To be ready for these multiple talks, you need to have accurate information yourself, you have to be available to talk to, and you have to be aware of what is going on in their entire life.

Michelle also wrote a blog entry about how teen pregnancy is not an issue only for girls...there's a boy involved, too! In that entry, she says "If your family believes in abstinence, make sure your son is on the same page and talk to him seriously about the repercussions of even a onetime choice to have sex. Talk to them about STD’s, HIV and AIDS, they need to truly understand that one time can change their life-long plans. ... Make sure your son knows that he can come to you for anything, any question, and any time. Don’t be the judge and the jury, be the one they trust. You don’t have to agree, but you do need to protect and love them unconditionally."

"God, Why?"

Yesterday we blogged about the possible dangers of a teen daughter dating someone who is several years older than herself. Earlier in the week we blogged about warning signs of an abusive relationship.

Here's a real-life example that appeared in "The Elliot Institute News" from the Leader in Post-Abortion Research, Vol. 8, No. 6 -- April 16, 2009.

"God, Why?"
One Woman Shares Her Personal Story

I was living in Texas, with my mom, dad, and four brothers. My parents divorced when I was 13. My mother was sick most of my childhood life, in and out of hospitals and mental institutions.

Then in the eighth grade I met someone who was 19 years old (I was only 14 years old.) I think I leaned on him for support because my dad had moved to another state for job reasons and my mom was sick. In some ways I was a little mother for my four brothers.

My boyfriend abused me by slapping me and controlling everything I did. I was just a child. I didn't realize then how serious my situation was. We started having sex and I got pregnant.

My mother decided I should have an abortion and my boyfriend gave me the money to go. My oldest brother took me to Dallas to have the abortion. I was only four weeks pregnant.

When I walked into the abortion clinic, I remember seeing so many young, scared faces just like mine. …. I remember waking up in a room all alone and scared. I went home and little did I know that my trouble and pain were just beginning.

I was still being abused by my boyfriend and then my mother was sick. I had to live with an aunt I did not know.

My two younger brothers lived with different aunts and I and my older brothers stayed in Texas. I had lost my family and until then hadn't realized how my abortion affected me.

Time went by and I met new friends but I was still a very hurt and confused teenager. I was watching TV one evening and a show came on about conceiving a baby and how it grows inside the mother's womb. Then it talked about abortion.

For the first time in my life I realized what I had done. I started crying and screaming. I ran into my bedroom and hit the walls with my fists. I was sobbing, “God, why?” I cried for hours.

I am 33 years old now and still there are days when I cry. Every day of my life I have pain inside of me.

I think it should be a law for women, especially teenagers, to see a film on abortion before they decide to have one. I know it would have saved my baby's life.

I don't blame my mother because she still saw me as a child … I carry the responsibility and the pain.

~~~

Learn more: For more personal stories of abortion, including coerced, forced and unwanted abortions, visit www.TheUnchoice.com.

More personal stories and a reflection on the personal and social obstacles women often face before, during and after abortion, can be found in the book Giving Sorrow Words: Women's Stories of Grief After Abortion, by Melinda Tankard Reist.

Parking for Pregnant College Students

If your pregnant daughter is a college student, she should check to see if there are any accomodations that her school can make to help her park closer to the buildings where her classes are located so that she has less distance to walk. The school may be able to help her with "temporary disability" accomodations. But be aware that the policies of her school may be tricky to navigate.

Take, for example, a recent article in the Daily Collegian which tells the story of University of Massachusetts undergraduate Michele Copeland. She is 36 weeks pregnant and had great difficulty with the policies of that school while trying to get parking that was closer to her classes.

My Clock Was Already Ticking

Margaret Gunther wrote an interesting essay/testimony in the New York Times recently, titled "My Clock Was Already Ticking." Here are a few especially powerful quotes from her true story.

When she discovered she was pregnant at 34, she told her boyfriend. He told her to get an abortion.

"From the moment I told him I was pregnant, it became my “problem,” as in “What are you going to do about the problem?”"

"The truth, which came out after I’d expressed my desire to keep the baby, was more simply stated: “If you go through with this,” he said, “I want nothing to do with it.”"

She did it, even though she didn't want to, in order to save the relationship. "But I still wanted something to do with him, and I thought if I were to deal with “the problem” the way he wanted me to, we could go back to the way we were. "

Instead, he immediately gave her a clock as a gift and broke up with her.

She says, "It isn’t very often that you’re called upon to make a decision that you know will affect the rest of your life, a decision that is irrevocable and defining. I chose to end the pregnancy for what I thought were good reasons, chief among them being my boyfriend’s emphatic unwillingness to be a father. Although his initial reaction to the news was muted, he came out strongly against it once I announced my desire to keep the baby."

She continues, "I argued weakly with him that we could make it work. Without him, I didn’t see a way forward. I had no savings, and no family around to support or encourage me. I was terrified, and not just about being a single parent. I was afraid that with a baby I’d be off the market for good. And I wanted a husband as much as I wanted a baby, if not more. Maybe I knew instinctively that I wasn’t cut out for single parenthood. And I wanted what I wanted: husband, home, baby, in that order."

"What he didn’t have was an appetite for a family, at least with me. I was desperate and deluded enough to think I could change his mind."

"The payoff I’d hoped for, that we’d stay together and the [abortion] wound would be healed by his love and devotion, never came. I raged and wept and raged and wept for my stupidity, my failure, the betrayal of myself."

Later, she moved out of Los Angeles and married another man, who wanted to start a family right away. "The family did not come right away. In fact, the pregnancy I terminated at 34 turned out to be the last that would occur naturally. And none of the expensively produced pregnancies I managed after lasted longer than three weeks."

Margaret is one of the approximately 5% of women who will only conceive ONE child on their own in their entire life. If that ONE child is aborted...then how must she feel! "The children I did not bring into this world are ghosts, and they are symptoms. I’ve learned to live with them the way you do with the phantom pain of missing limbs."

The stories of Zoe, Demi, and Becky

The Guardian, a news outlet in the U.K. recently told the stories of three young teen moms. Zoe got pregnant at 15, Demi got pregnant at 14, and Becky got pregnant at 13. Each of them says that what they miss the most is going out of the house to hang with friends and have fun. Read these stories with your pregnant daughter and brainstorm with her about the life changes that the baby will bring. If she is not willing to cope with these changes, help her explore adoption to see if it would be of benefit to her and the baby.

Proudnana's story

"Proudnana" on Bukisa.com wrote her beautiful story "How to survive a teen parent" about her pregnant teen. Under the Creative Commons copyright, her story is copied here (edited for punctuation, grammar and capitalization).

----Begin Article----

When the Doctor came into the room, I was not expecting those four words to come out of his mouth. "Your Daughter is Pregnant." I was dumb founded. I just sat there. All of a sudden tears just started flowing down my face and I could not stop it. I started down memory lane. I remembered the day she was born.

I was devastated. I had all these emotions: devastation, anger, bitterness. I must of cried everyday for a long time. I cried till I could not cry anymore. Then all of a sudden I thought, "Okay she is pregnant. Its not the end of the world. She is not dying she is having a baby."

I needed support through this but no one would listen. My daughter did not want me to talk to anyone about it. But I had to. You're going to have to do the same thing. If you are going through this just tell your daughter, "Look, I have to talk to someone about this and you are gonna have to trust me enough to know that I would never do anything to hurt you."

I finally realized that it was not my fault. My daughter did not set out to get pregnant to hurt me. I was not there when they had sex. I could not be with her 24 hours a day or 7 days a week. It was not my fault. If I knew about [it] I would have stopped it. Everyone thought it was my fault. I lost a lot of friends over this and so did my daughter. Those friends were not really our friends.

I was devstated. I thought my daughter's life was over. My husband and I really thought that our daughter was not mature enough to handle this. To us she was still a baby. She wanted to keep her baby so we talked about it and decided to let her keep him. He was hers. No matter what she would always be his Mom. I knew the change in her eyes to look for. If you are a Mom you know the look I am talking about it. I knew what to look for. So when my grandson was born, I handed him to my daughter and immediatly she had that look of a Mother. She started to count his fingers and his toes. She kissed him and just held him in her arms. At that moment I knew she was going to be fine.

I felt like sometimes I was on a roller coaster and I wanted to stop to get off but it would not stop. Everytime I thought it was going to stop it just got faster and faster. Then other days I felt as though I was on a row boat without the paddles in the middle of a sea storm with the waves crashing down on the boat. I felt all alone. Like I was the only one going through this. No one would listen to me. No matter what I said to my daughter she did not want me to talk to anyone about it.

My husband -- well he is another story. He just acted like nothing was wrong. I thought at one time I was going to have slap him to see if he was still here with me. But when our grandson was born something changed within him... it was amazing. Something wonderful was finally coming from this world of darkness. I could finally see the light. It just dawned me one day to support my daughter.

To us we had no choice but to support our daughter. We took on that responsibility the day she was born. We were parents through bad times as well as good times. Every parent is there for their kids when they get good grades or bad grades, when they scrape their knees, when they get their heart broken. Being a parent is a 24 hour 7 days a week job. Yes, it's a thankless job at times. But sometimes it's a rewarding job.

Every child is a gift from God. You don't choose your parents or your children -- God does. You don't choose when your children are born, God does. I know we do stuff all the time that God does not like. But does he turn us away when we do those things. No! He loves us regardless of what we do! I have been judged for supporting my daughter. I guess everyone thought I should have sent her away to give up her child or make her get an abortion. But it was not my choice to make. I was not the one who was pregnant, she was.

You as a parent to your teen parent have to realize that your teen is scared too. She feels like she is all alone during this. She is worried that no one will accept her or appreciate the decision she has made. It takes a strong person to go through something like this. Your daughter's or my daughter's life has not ended, it is just beginning a new chapter. Her dreams or your dreams for her has not died -- she will just to have to work harder for them and she will have to take her baby along with her. It will take her longer but she will get there. Telling her that she has just ruined her life or that her life is going to change now -- that is just ruining her self esteem. She will never do anything if you keep doing that. She knows her life is going to change. She is not stupid. You raised her to be a loving, generous person so show that to her. Practice what you preach. Take it slow, one day at a time. It will get better with time.

I read a book one time called "Daughters Gone Wild Dads Gone Crazy". Get it and read it and see if your daughter will read it too. You read the part for the dad and let her read the part for the daughter. It is amazing. It taught me a lot. Rev. Charles Stone and his daughter Heather Stone wrote the book together. In that book Charles Stone says to Remain Calm. Talk to your daughter and realize that the first thing you say to your daughter during a Major problem is what she is going to remember. Act like she is not your daughter but one of her friends that has just come to you with a problem. What would say to her. It takes one day at a time to handle this situation.

---- Article finished ----
All of the emotions Proudnana describes as she discovers her daughter's pregnancy are part of the grief cycle, which we discuss in the chapter "Hearing the Shocking News". Proudnana learned who were true friends, and we discuss "Forgiving Unkind Acquaintances". Proudnana's husband reacted quite differently from her, and we discuss this in "Talking with My Husband". Proudnana talks about her daughter's feelings, which relates to the chapter "What Is My Daughter Feeling?" The advice to remain calm and pay attention to the first words out of your mouth is exactly what we recommend in the chapter "The Importance of First Words" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

Dana's story

This real story (names changed) is exerpted from "Dana's Delight" written by Jeff Meredith, from the Care Net Report, Winter/Spring 2009. Copyright is held by Care Net.

When Dana found herself lost in Utica, New York, one night, the man who offered to help seemed nice enough. But it was a trap. He brutally raped her on the side of the road. It was a new low for a woman who had endured abuse and hardship her whole life. Yet in her darkest moment, God sowed the seeds of her redemption.

Dana suffered almost unimaginable cruelty growing up. By her early 30s, Dana had been married three times: including an adulterer, and an alcoholic who persuaded her to move to Alaska with him only to be devastated when he turned up in jail after a drunk driving arrest. The day he was scheduled for release, he was rearrested for a prior DUI and extradited to New York. Dana followed him to Utica, where she spent most of her lonely days at the jail waiting for visiting hours. It was just after a long day at the jail that the rape occurred. She had just moved to a new apartment and didn't know how to drive home. Police never caught the rapist.

Without friends of support, Dana suffered severe anguish. She would cry for days, entertain suicidal thoughts, and wash herself with bleach to "deal" with the rape. Two months after the rape, Dana received the biggest shock of her life. She was pregnant. Her husband urged her to abort the child, and her doctors also insisted abortion was her "best" option. So did her therapist. It seemed like circumstances couldn't get worse. But then a woman she had never met before called and said she was her husband's wife. That seemed utterly impossible. But when she confronted him, he admitted it was true.

With her "marriage" in tatters and pressure building on all sides to end her pregnancy, Dana felt lost. She wasn't sure what she needed, but she thought she might find it at a church. So one night, she decided to drive until she found one. When she stumbled into Calvary Gospel Church, she introduced herself to the pastor and met his wife. That kind, gentle woman listened to Dana's story and she told her she knew people who could help.

The very next day, the two of them went to a pregnancy center. For the first time in months, Dana felt safe and relaxed. Dana spoke to a peer counselor named Amy, unloading all of the conflicting questions plaguing her: "What if I can't love the baby? What if it looks like the rapist? Is it wrong to want to keep this child?" Amy listened and offered unconditional support. In the weeks and months ahead, Dana spoke repeatedly with Amy. She was always encouraged, but she still felt unsure. Three times she scheduled and missed abortion appointments. The first time, she came down with a cold. The second time she was rear-ended on the way to the appointment. Finally, on the third try, Dana realized the abortion clinic workers just didn't care about her. That's when she chose life.

Overjoyed, Dana told Amy about her decision. They rejoiced with her and helped her receive maternity clothes, baby clothes, and a bassinet. These wonderful gifts - strengthened by prayer, counsel, and friendship - finally helped Dana realize that out of that horrible rape and her anguished life, "God was creating something good."

The day her daughter was born, Dana felt overwhelmed with joy. As her labor ended and new life began, she suddenly understood what Amy had been sharing with her about God's unconditional love. Shortly after giving birth, Dana sent a note to Amy saying, "Thank you for sticking with me. I love my baby so much. If I had gone through with the abortion, I would be feeling so much despair. Instead I have so much love. I have never been happier."

Less than a year after her daughter's birth, Dana met a man who not only loves her but her daughter too. They've been married for four years now and he's adopted Dana's daughter. Today, Dana can say with total certainty that despite the unbelievable difficulty of her life, "I would do it all again for my baby."

Click here to watch a video of Dana sharing her story.

Dana's Story from Care Net on Vimeo.

Lydia's story

The following real story (names changed) is exerpted from the Winter/Spring 2009 Care Net Report, copyright by Care Net.

She was so poor, Lydia couldn't even afford electrical power for her tiny apartment. When she learned she was pregnant, she feared abortion was her only "realistic" option.

While searching the phone book for help, she discovered Care Net's OptionLine ad. A trained phone consultant encouraged her, and set up an appointment for her with a local pregnancy center.

When she arrived, a counselor began to show her that she had positive options. The pregnancy center helped her prepare for the practical issues of caring for another baby. And they referred her to a ministry that helps need families with utility bills.

It took time and payer, but Lydia finally chose life. Today she is the proud mom of a beautiful baby.

If you want to talk to a peer mentor, or you need help, call OptionLine at 800-395-HELP.

Jennifer's story

The following real story is exerpted from "Wanted: Someone to share the truth", an article written by Jeff Meredith, in the Care Net Report, Winter/Spring 2009. Copyright is held by Care Net.

Jennifer Dobbs is passionately pro-life because she understands firsthand the devastating emotional consequences of abortion. They almost destroyed her life. "When I was just 15," she says, "I learned I was pregnant. I didn't know what to do, so I asked several of the adults in my life for guidance. Every one of them told me to get an abortion, because my child wasn't really a baby." I knew that wasn't true," she adds. "But how could I argue with grownups?" Not long after, she terminated her pregnancy. But that was never the "choice" she wanted to make. "What I wanted was the truth. I knew my baby was alive. But there was no one there to share that with me."

One year later, Jennifer found herself pregnant again. This time, she refused to have an abortion. She married the child's father and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. But the joys of motherhood – while genuine – were overwhelmed by the emotional pain and guilt she carried from the abortion. But in the midst of those struggles, God moved. When her daughter was four years old, "The Lord met me where I was, in my sadness and sin. He washed away the guilt and shame I couldn't deal with," Jennifer says. Then the Lord spoke clearly to her: "He wanted me to help others receive that same forgiveness for past abortion – and speak the truth about that procedure no one had shared with me."

Pushed to the limit

This real story is exerpted from an article titled "Pushed to the limit" by Jeff Meredith, in the Care Net Report, Winter/Spring 2009. Copyright is held by Care Net.

Childbirth is stressful under the best of circumstances. But when a family is struggling with extreme poverty and other hardships, the prospect of raising a child can seem overwhelming. Two years ago, Yvonne Aguero's life was spiraling out of control ... fast. First, her husband lost his job. Then, on her way to work one day, she was in a bad car wreck. With finances already tight, they couldn't afford to fix the car – and she could no longer commute to work. As a result, Yvonne says, "We were living at a motel – and we were not getting along at all. There were a lot of fights." Then Yvonne discovered she was pregnant.

Yvonne didn't want an abortion, but as her husband said, "I can't see having a baby in these conditions." The young couple didn't know what to do. Yvonne didn't want an abortion, but she already had two children she couldn't take care of who were living with her mother. And as her husband said, "I can't see having a baby in these conditions." Yvonne's family offered to help ... but only if she agreed to abort her baby. Yvonne knew abortion was wrong. But how could she argue, when she could hardly take care of herself – let alone the children she already had? "It was the most hopeless feeling I've ever had in my life," she says. "I wanted to die. I didn't see any way out." Even at her darkest moments though, Yvonne was certain "I can't live with an abortion. This child is mine and it's a blessing."

Yvonne found a pregnancy center in the yellow pages. When Yvonne discovered these resources were available for her, she called to make an appointment right away. Despite the crushing stress in Yvonne's life, that first meeting gave her the confidence she needed to choose life. The day after that meeting, Yvonne's situation already began to improve. That's when she and her husband were accepted to a shelter for families, and they were reunited with her two older children. When Yvonne gave birth to her daughter, it helped heal the rifts with her husband and family. "She's brought all of my family back together. She's been a blessing to her dad. It's just amazing."

Mary's Crisis Pregnancy

The following devotional was written by Cyndi Philkill, and appeared in the book "From the Field", Edited by Linda Perry and Cyndi Philkill, 1989.



"How will this be," Mary asked the angel, "since I am a virgin?"

The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God...For nothing is impossible with God."

"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." (Luke 1:34-38)

This is the beginning of the most awesome crisis pregnancy of all time, as well as a wonderful example of the sanctity of human life and a servant heart. It is the story of the incarnation, God in flesh, Jesus Christ. Why did Jesus come into this world as a baby born of a woman? Why didn't God just zap Him down as a grown man, in the same manner He fashioned Adam? Jesus had to fulfill the Old Testament prophecies about the Savior coming from the line of David. He had to be fully human, to fulfill His mission. In order to be fully human, His life had to begin as all human life begins, at the moment of conception, not after He was "viable" outside the womb, or took His first breath or responded to external stimulus, but at the moment of conception.

What about Mary and her crisis pregnancy? Can you imagine what it would have been like 2,000 years ago to face a pregnancy outside marriage in a strict Orthodox Jewish community! Not only was she pregnant, but who would believe she was pregnant by the Holy Spirit and not by her betrothed Joseph? Young Jewish women were told the prophecy of the Savior of Israel, who would be born to a virgin. They had been waiting for hundreds of years. Why should they believe Mary was the mother of the promised Messiah? The scriptures don't go into much detail, but we can imagine how Mary must have felt. Even Joseph initially turned his back on her and wanted to end their engagement privately (Matthew 1:19).

An angel had given her words of encouragement before he announced her formidable mission. "Greetings...The Lord is with you...Do not be afraid. You have found favor with God...You will be with child...He will be great...His kingdom will never end." (Luke 1:25-33)

The angel verified her own wondrous experience by sharing the miracle of the pregnancy of her aged cousin, Elizabeth. When Mary visited Elizabeth, she received immediate acceptance and confirmation that she was a handmaiden in a miracle: "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear!" (Luke 1:42b)

Elizabeth provided a safe harbor, full of love and encouragement to Mary as she prepared her servant heart for the difficult life she faced. Mary was able to say: "My soul praises the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant." (Luke 1:46-47)

It is said that you can find out if you have a servant heart by the way you respond when you are treated like a servant. Mary accepted her servanthood and praised God that He had ordained her for a life of service. May her example be an inspiration to us as we love our pregnant daughters.

Jamaican Woman Shares Regret Over Forcing Daughter's Abortion

A Jamacian woman has testified before members of her country's parliament about her pain and regret over pushing her daughter into an abortion 20 years ago.

Anne Arthur, now a grief counselor, testified during a debate over whether to legalize abortion in Jamaica. LifeSiteNews.com quoted her as saying that she "drove [her] daughter like a lamb to the slaughterhouse, against her will."

Arthur testified that, "I pressed my views on her and convinced her that she would be unable to care for the child while studying and an abortion would be the best thing to do, offering her no other solution or help …" She said that after the abortion, she knew she had "made the greatest mistake" of her life.

Arthur said her daughter is now married but has had trouble conceiving because of damage from the abortion, which was carried out legally in Germany. Arthur said she no longer supports abortion.

As reported above, many women and teens frequently face pressure, coercion or even force to get them to abort. And families and friends are often deceived into thinking that abortion is the only solution.

Legalization of abortion has made it easier for others to insist that a woman abort rather than giving her authentic support. And while some abortion advocates argue that legalizing abortion in countries like Jamaica will decrease the death rate from illegal and unsafe abortions, a pro-life doctor testified before parliament that illegal abortions make up a small part of the overall maternal death rate. Dr. Doreen Brady West testified that she believes that providing better health care for women during and after pregnancy, not abortion, is the solution.

Further, studies in the U.S. and Finland have found that women who abort face a 3.5 times higher death rate compared to women who give birth, while the suicide rate among women who had abortions was 6 times higher.

~~~

For more research on abortion risks, including coercion and trauma, visit www.theunchoice.com/pblresearch.htm.

This article is courtesy of

The Elliot Institute News
From the Leader in Post-Abortion Research
Vol. 7, No. 22 -- November 26, 2008

Visit them online: www.AfterAbortion.org

UnChoice Campaign: TheUnChoice.com

Birthmother's story

This is the true story of a real person, brought to you by the National Council For Adoption.

I chose adoption because, while I loved my daughter with all of my heart, I felt she deserved a better life than I could offer her. I was only a freshman in college when I became pregnant, and my relationship with the birthfather was not good. When I told him I was pregnant, he pressured me into getting an abortion. When I said I wanted to make an adoption plan, he threatened me by saying he wouldn't sign the papers. Although he ultimately agreed to place our daughter for adoption, his resistance in the beginning was significant. I knew that any man who would try as hard as he did to end my daughter's life didn't deserve to be a part of it.

In spite of his opposition, I continued the pregnancy. I had to leave school for two semesters, though I later returned. It was an extremely challenging time, but as my daughter grew inside of me, I knew I had made the right decision.

As I researched homes in which to place my daughter, I felt a tremendous sense of empowerment. I knew that the "perfect family" didn't exist, but there were some wonderfully committed couples who would do their best to raise my daughter in a loving environment, one in which she would flourish.

I was giving my daughter a chance in life, and as her birthmother, that was the greatest gift I could give.

======================

You may find it helpful to read the chapters titled "Should She Make an Adoption Plan?", "Should We Adopt the Baby?", "Should They Marry?" and "Should She Parent Alone?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

November is National Adoption Month. Take time to research adoption with your pregnant daughter, along with single parenting and marriage. Then, no matter which of these roads she chooses, she can feel confident that the decision was made with care and thought instead of off-handedly. When things are tough in the future (because life can be hard no matter what we choose), she can remind herself that she actively chose her road instead of saying "I wish I had considered ______."

Rita, birthmother

This is the true story of a real person, brought to you by the National Council For Adoption.

Rita's story: In most situations, a woman carrying a child does not have to grapple with the decision of adoption. In most situations, a child is born into a family ready and prepared to raise the child. And in most situations, from the time the child is a newborn, parents make difficult decisions and tremendous sacrifices out of love for their children every day.

In my situation, the decision to make an adoption plan for my child was no less an act of sacrificial love. The decision came from that same desire to give my child the very best that I could, to ensure her well-being, to give her both a mother and a father, and a chance for a good future in an uncertain world. My decision was both an act of love and an act of hope; because in my situation, the best for her meant separation from me.

Parents have a duty and obligation to raise the children entrusted to them in the best way possible. And my decision to place came from the deep and powerful understanding of the awesomeness of my duty and responsibility. I did not reject her. I did not “get rid” of her. And I did not “give her up.” Rather, I lovingly created a family for her so that she could have the security, permanency, and stability that I could not guarantee.

I placed my daughter for adoption because I refused to have her grow up in the circumstances in which I was living, circumstances that I could not change at the time. Authentic parenthood requires a heroic, selfless love. I loved my daughter, I love her still, and that is why I chose adoption.

--Rita

==================

You may find it helpful to read the chapters titled "Should She Make an Adoption Plan?", "Should We Adopt the Baby?", "Should They Marry?" and "Should She Parent Alone?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

November is National Adoption Month. Take time to research adoption with your pregnant daughter, along with single parenting and marriage. Then, no matter which of these roads she chooses, she can feel confident that the decision was made with care and thought instead of off-handedly. When things are tough in the future (because life can be hard no matter what we choose), she can remind herself that she actively chose her road instead of saying "I wish I had considered ______."

Janelle, birthmother

This is the true story of a real person, brought to you by the National Council For Adoption.

I had just turned 18 when I found out I was pregnant. Although I was young and it was unexpected, I felt an unbelievable amount of love for my unborn child. My parents pushed for adoption, especially since I was adopted myself, but I dismissed the idea because of the overwhelming connection I felt with the child inside of me. I made the decision to parent my child, even though I knew that the father wasn’t going to stick around.

In July of 1996, my son was born. He was everything I had envisioned him to be. He was my pride and joy. Then reality set in: I was responsible for giving this little human being the best life possible, and I had to do this as a single parent. I started to think about all of the things I had growing up with two parents – things he would not have. I wanted to go to college and better myself for him, but that would mean limiting the activities that he could participate in as well as limiting our time together. To raise him by myself meant that he would not have a dad to show up at his Little League game to watch him and cheer him on. All of these thoughts made me cry daily.

One day, when my son was about three months old, I broke down in front of him. He looked up at me and just smiled and giggled out loud. I will never forget that little face smiling up at me. I knew then and there that he deserved a better life. He deserved the life that my biological mother so selflessly gave me when she placed me for adoption.

Now, more than ten years later, I look back and smile at all of the happy memories that I hold. I think of the indescribable joy on the faces of his adoptive parents when they realized they finally had a child. I hold close to my heart the pictures and stories they have shared with me over the years. I remember, most of all, the unsurpassable amount of love that I felt for my son – a love I still feel – that led me to choose adoption.

--Janelle

You may find it helpful to read the chapters titled "Should She Make an Adoption Plan?", "Should We Adopt the Baby?", "Should They Marry?" and "Should She Parent Alone?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

November is National Adoption Month. Take time to research adoption with your pregnant daughter, along with single parenting and marriage. Then, no matter which of these roads she chooses, she can feel confident that the decision was made with care and thought instead of off-handedly. When things are tough in the future (because life can be hard no matter what we choose), she can remind herself that she actively chose her road instead of saying "I wish I had considered ______."

Julia Thornton, birthmother

This is the true story of a real person, brought to you by the National Council For Adoption.

Driving home from school one afternoon my birthdaughter turned to her mother and said, “Mom, if Julie gets married, do you think she’ll have me in her wedding?” Her mom smiled and said, “I don’t know. We’ll have to ask her.” Her mom later shared the conversation with me and we had a good laugh. Joking about my single status, I said my birthdaughter shouldn’t hold her breath, to which her mother replied, “It will happen one day, Jewel.”

When I chose to place my daughter into the loving arms of her parents, I knew she was going to a wonderful family who could give her the life I knew she deserved. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was gaining the friendship and love that her parents have never failed to show me. They have so generously shared their daughter’s life with me through pictures and regular phone calls. They have treated me with respect, and have given me a great sense of peace about having placed my daughter for adoption. They have never perceived me as a threat to their family, but rather an extension of it.

Placing a child is an incredibly difficult sacrifice. The immediate pain of separation is significant. But when a woman is called to place for adoption, the process is nothing short of sacred. To choose a family and entrust them with the care of your child takes a tremendous amount of faith: faith in yourself that you have made the right decision for your child and yourself; faith that the family who has come into your life will treat their responsibility with the utmost reverence; and faith that the hurt will subside and will one day be replaced with joy.

Many women I’ve counseled during their unplanned pregnancies have told me they could never “give their baby away.” Their language choice is unfortunate, but I understand their feelings. To a woman carrying a child to term, the idea of adoption can seem anathematic, especially when it is not what they desire. Sadly, many women throughout history have been pressured to relinquish their children against their will, suffering an injustice no human being should ever experience.

But when a woman freely chooses adoption as the best option for her, it can be an extraordinarily positive, life-affirming decision. Adoption is not an act of abandonment; it’s not a form of rejection; and it’s certainly not for lack of love. It comes from love, a force unlike any other, and it is pure.

When I discovered I was pregnant, there was pressure to get an abortion and certain circumstances made parenting an unlikely option. Fortunately, I was raised in a family that viewed adoption positively. There was no stigma or shame in making an adoption plan, and without that reinforcement, I might not have made the choice I made. Although the path has been difficult, I wouldn’t change a thing about my decision. I could not have found better parents for my birthdaughter, and I learned a lot about life and love in the process. And, most importantly, I gained the joy of knowing that there’s a little girl in the world who occasionally drives around daydreaming about my wedding day.

--Julia

You may find it helpful to read the chapters titled "Should She Make an Adoption Plan?", "Should We Adopt the Baby?", "Should They Marry?" and "Should She Parent Alone?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

November is National Adoption Month. Take time to research adoption with your pregnant daughter, along with single parenting and marriage. Then, no matter which of these roads she chooses, she can feel confident that the decision was made with care and thought instead of off-handedly. When things are tough in the future (because life can be hard no matter what we choose), she can remind herself that she actively chose her road instead of saying "I wish I had considered ______."

Jessica O’Connor-Petts, birthmother

This is the true story of a real person, brought to you by the National Council For Adoption.

In the summer of 1996, shortly after graduating from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, I went to Atlanta to work at the Summer Olympic Games. In August, I became pregnant. The birthfather and I were not in a serious relationship, and I did not feel we would develop one. I faced two choices: becoming a single parent, or placing my child for adoption.

My first real challenge was telling my parents. I knew that they would be disappointed, but I also knew that I needed their love and support. Upon returning home to Charlotte, I began researching the adoption option through the local chapter of a national faith-based adoption agency. I wanted to have something constructive and positive to offer my parents along with the shocking news.

My parents had raised me to feel a strong sense of personal responsibility, coupled with strength and resilience. To me, adoption had always seemed a natural solution to an unplanned pregnancy, if birthparents were not ready, for whatever reason, to become parents. When I finally worked up the courage to tell my parents that I was pregnant, they were indeed upset, but they also made clear their unconditional love and support for me and for my choice, whether I decided to parent or to place my child for adoption.

Before graduating from college, I had planned to move to Washington, D.C., where I could pursue an interest in public policy and also continue rowing competitively. I saw no reason to change these plans, so I continued my job search and moved to D.C. in October 1996 after accepting a position with a nonprofit organization.

Other young people I met in the city did not know I was pregnant, and it wasn’t something I wanted to share with them. Later they told me they just thought I was a very quiet stay-at-home, since I constantly went to bed early or turned down opportunities to go out at night. It was in many ways a lonely period, despite frequent phone calls to my parents and close friends, but I did feel a sense of peace, knowing that I was taking care of myself and my child and doing the right thing.

My new job meant that I had insurance to cover my prenatal care; however, the combined pressure of starting a new position and not being able to tell my employer that I was pregnant was very stressful, particularly as I was arriving late every morning due to morning sickness. With each month that passed I struggled to hide the physical evidence of pregnancy, wondering when would be the right time to inform my boss, and worrying about what the response would be. Eventually I wrote a letter, informing my employers of my pregnancy and my intent to place my child for adoption. To my relief, they were more than supportive. They also confirmed that I was entitled to the same maternity leave as a woman who planned to parent.

Another worry I had was whether a medical provider would treat me differently, knowing my adoption plan. However, I worked with a fantastic group of midwives who were a crucial part of my support network and became my friends during pregnancy. I developed a birthing plan, which included keeping my child with me for several days after the birth, allowing me to breastfeed my child while giving me and my family a chance to know him or her before we parted. My adoption counselor fully supported me in this plan, despite any doubts she had over whether I would go through with the adoption, because it was an important part of my decision-making process; she knew that if I felt options were being closed to me, I would not feel empowered, and would not feel at peace with my ultimate decision.

Over the fall and winter months I worked with my adoption counselor to make sure I had thought through my decision carefully. She asked me to develop a parenting plan, just in case I changed my mind. I was at first reluctant to do so, not wishing to be dissuaded from my adoption plan, but this proved to be a valuable exercise. As I researched child care, transportation, costs of living, etc. and developed a budget, I saw that I could afford to parent. I was not being pushed financially into placing my child for adoption. However, I also saw how tight that budget would have been; there would have been nothing left over for piano lessons, swimming lessons, vacations, or many of the other valuable experiences which I had growing up and which I wanted my child to have. Most importantly, there would not have been a father truly present in the day-to-day life of my child, and my child would not have the chance to witness a loving adult relationship.

My parents also offered me a third option, letting me know that they could care for my child while I pursued a career, helping me to provide him or her with a loving family. I knew that their offer to take on a parenting role at a time in their life when they had already raised two children was a generous one, which comes only from true love. However, they also understood my concerns about what would happen when I eventually met and married someone, and what that would mean for continuity in the life of my child.

My birthson was born on May 15, 1997. My mother came to D.C. for the birth, and we subsequently traveled to Charlotte, where I spent the next two weeks with my parents, my little sister, and my birthson. This time was special to all of us because we were able to take him out to meet family and friends, and to acknowledge and celebrate him. When he was two weeks old I went back to work in D.C. and my mother came with me, caring for him during the day and bringing him to my office at lunchtimes.

The adoption placement ceremony took place when my birthson was four weeks old. I remember crying during the ride to the ceremony in the back seat of my parents’ car, and I remember my parents’ anguish at seeing my pain. I also remember the smiles on everyone’s faces as we watched him sleep peacefully in his new mother’s arms.

During the days and weeks that followed I experienced peace, punctuated by periods of intense pain. I missed my birthson’s smell and his little toenails scratching me in bed and his wide-eyed expressions. I felt guilty for having deprived my parents of their first grandchild, even though I knew they fully supported my adoption decision. I also struggled with depression later on when I was confronted with the sense that my activities and pursuits, which had seemed so valuable to me before I became pregnant, now paled in comparison with the joy and satisfaction of raising a child. I would see other young mothers with children the same age as mine and wonder what my life would be like in their shoes.

But as the years have passed and my life has followed its own full course, my family’s relationship with my birthson and his family has blossomed, and my confidence that I made the right choice has never wavered. When I speak with him and hear the excitement in his voice as he relays his latest accomplishments in swimming, or Odyssey of the Mind, or county choral society auditions, I know that he has a wonderful life. When I speak with his parents and hear the warmth and honesty of friendship in their voices as they describe their summer family vacation, I am grateful to have found such perfect parents for my birthson. When I see him and his little sister, also adopted, bounding around together in their living room while their parents watch amused, I am reminded of the joy that is adoption.

When I married in 2003, my birthson was our ringbearer, his little sister our flowergirl, and both his parents were presenters. My husband and I are now expecting a baby, and my 10-year-old birthson and his family are sharing our joy and looking forward to welcoming another child into this growing family.

Adoption has enabled me to provide a wonderful life for my son while giving me the opportunities to pursue my own aspirations, and I will always feel that my own life has been made richer through choosing adoption.
--Jessica

You may find it helpful to read the chapters titled "Should She Make an Adoption Plan?", "Should We Adopt the Baby?", "Should They Marry?" and "Should She Parent Alone?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

November is National Adoption Month. Take time to research adoption with your pregnant daughter, along with single parenting and marriage. Then, no matter which of these roads she chooses, she can feel confident that the decision was made with care and thought instead of off-handedly. When things are tough in the future (because life can be hard no matter what we choose), she can remind herself that she actively chose her road instead of saying "I wish I had considered ______."

Courtney Lewis, birthmother

This is a true story of a real person, brought to you by the National Council for Adoption.

Finding out I was pregnant my senior year of high school was devastating. I did not want to believe it – it took three positive pregnancy tests to convince me that I was really pregnant. I had planned to go away to college in the fall, and I knew that having a baby would change everything.

First I told my boyfriend. He became very distant and cold. He asked whose child it was, and who else I had been with. It was obvious to me that he was not going to allow himself to believe that I was pregnant with his child. It was then that I realized we were no longer a couple, and he was not going to be a part of our child’s life.

Without the support of my baby’s father, and knowing that my divorced parents were not in a position to help me, I considered my options. I thought parenting my child would mean I had to throw away my dreams of going to college, and felt I was in no position to provide the kind of family and stability my child would need.

I considered abortion, because I thought it would allow me to continue on with my life as I had planned. I also considered adoption. Then I had a scary fall down a flight of stairs when I was just six weeks along, and my doctor conducted an ultrasound to find out if the baby had been affected by the fall. The monitor showed a blinking light, the baby’s heartbeat. It was then that my thoughts were transformed from “I’m pregnant” to “I’m carrying a child.” The heartbeat made it clear to me, this was life. At that moment, I made my decision to choose life – for myself and for my child. At that moment, I chose adoption.

Being seventeen and pregnant was hard. Four months into my pregnancy my mother remarried, unbeknownst to me and my siblings, and shortly after, she moved across the country to be with her new husband. I still felt that I needed her help, and she was gone. I had no idea what to expect in a pregnancy, how to care for myself and my child, and I knew I couldn’t do it alone. I moved in with my father, who became my rock, supporting me emotionally, helping me reason through difficult decisions, showing me unconditional love.

Going out in public was difficult. The common opinion of pregnant teenagers is not always forgiving. I began attending counseling sessions, both one-on-one and in a support group. Additionally, I had my dad and my younger siblings around, who allowed me to cry and laugh, pulling me through the hard times and praising me for the choice I had made. Without them, I may not have been able to plan for the adoption, and for my life afterwards without my son.
I began my search for the perfect couple to raise my son. Certain criteria were very important to me, certain things I felt were necessary of the adoptive parents. These criteria focused my intentions and helped me to identify an amazing couple. Shortly after reading their “Dear birthmother” letter, I contacted the adoption lawyers to let them know I had found the right couple. It was important for me to build a relationship with the adoptive parents, so that I could gain trust and appreciation for them. I was able to meet them for dinner, where I learned more about them and determined that yes, this was the couple I wanted to raise my son. We continued to talk on the phone throughout the remainder of my pregnancy, and I updated them on the health of the baby and learned more about how they planned to raise him.

At last the day came when I gave birth to my son, and his adoptive parents met me at the hospital. It was a very emotional time for all of us. They were beginning their life as a family, and I began my life as a birthmother.

I said good-bye to them, and to my son, but not for long – my first visit to their home was when my son was six months old, and I returned for another visit a year later. Since then there have been many visits. We keep in touch by letter, email, and phone. I am so grateful to know that he is in good hands and has a life that is so near what I wanted to give him, but couldn’t at the time.
Since the adoption, life has been true to course – with ups and downs. My son and his parents welcomed another son into their family, also through adoption. I was able to obtain my college degree, a career I love, and a life path of which I am proud.

Nothing is easy when you are facing an unplanned pregnancy. A lot of difficult decisions have to be made, no matter which option you choose. But adoption gave me a voice, and showed me that while I may have been too young and inexperienced to parent my child, I was mature enough to make some tough but rewarding decisions regarding his life and his future. I am so grateful for my son, for his parents, and for the lives we all have today.
--Courtney

You may find it helpful to read the chapters titled "Should She Make an Adoption Plan?", "Should We Adopt the Baby?", "Should They Marry?" and "Should She Parent Alone?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

November is National Adoption Month. Take time to research adoption with your pregnant daughter, along with single parenting and marriage. Then, no matter which of these roads she chooses, she can feel confident that the decision was made with care and thought instead of off-handedly. When things are tough in the future (because life can be hard no matter what we choose), she can remind herself that she actively chose her road instead of saying "I wish I had considered ______."

The Blessing of Adoption

This miracle of God's grace was shared by the adoptive mother, called Caitlin*, and the baby's birthgrandmother, Gene*, at the Assist Pregnancy Center Fellowship Dinner in September, 2000.

*=Names have been changed but the story is true.

September 20, 1997
Gene: A phone call after midnight? Is someone hurt or dead? Our friend says his daughter told him Lisa* (our daughter) is pregnant and she plans to get an abortion in the morning. This must be a nightmare...

Caitlin: I can't believe how God has blessed us. Mary*, our daughter, is growing into such a beautiful child. Two years ago, I feared we would not have children. Now, when I look at here, I dream of adding to our family...Will God bless us with a second miracle?

September 21, 1997
Gene: A dear friend from church is a Crisis Pregnancy Center counselor and she met with Lisa this morning. Afterwards, Lisa agreed that abortion was not an option. She was so scared she simply fell into the choice and saw it as the only way out. Our friend offered hope for what was ahead. But how can my baby be having a baby?

September 25, 1997
Gene: Our special friend at Assist met with Lisa and me today. She listened to our dilemma with such compassion and understanding. She helped us see that we were not alone in this awful situation and that God is still in control. Assist has so many ways to help and comfort ... from prenatal classes and support groups to baby clothes and equipment. Lisa will meet with a counselor regularly for a while. They may even put me in touch with other parents who have faced this. But how will our family survive this?

January, 1998
Caitlin: We decided to begin our search for another child. But where do we start?

Gene: Lisa's pregnancy is in the 5th month. It feels like 5 years. So many "foggy" days, filled with emotional turmoil. Assist has continued to work with us, offering love and support. Helping us think through the choice before us: Should Lisa choose to parent or to make an adoption plan for her baby? Assist gave us a workbook that we completed together. It forced us to talk through how we would support Lisa if she chose to parent. What does that cost? How would she earn money? Who would care for the baby while she worked or continued to study? We kept asking God to reveal His plan. We try to learn how others have responded to these circumstances. Oh, Lord, why did this happen to our family?

February, 1998
Caitlin: In February we felt a strong leading that God had a child for our family, but where was he? We spoke with a number of adoption agencies and sent out some pictures of our family to an adoption attorney, but we still had no clear direction.

Gene: Lisa keeps changing her mind. One day she thinks she will parent, the next day she wants to look at profiles of couples seeking to adopt. She insists that she will place only if she can have an open adoption and continuing relationship with the baby and family. This kind of arrangement is growing more common, say the counselors. I am losing hope after looking at profiles from more than 100 families. The due date is only 8 weeks away. Lord, what do you want us to do? Is there a couple who would want to share their lives with us this way?

Caitlin: We met with some wonderful people who assist couples to adopt orphans from Russia. The pictures were amazing, the children are so beautiful. Who do we pick? How do we find the child that God has selected for us? With these difficult decisions before us, Bill fasts and prays over the weekend, seeking a clear signal of God's will. If we receive no clear signal we have decided to commit to adopt a Russian orphan.

March, 1998
Gene: We met with a Christian attorney today to talk about legal implications of Lisa choosing to parent. What rights will the father have and what child support can she expect? As we ended the meeting, the attorney gestured to a stack of profiles, sent to her by people who are seeking children to adopt. The photo on top caught Lisa's eye and she noted the name of the family. Where will this lead us? Was that a "divine appointment," Lord?

Caitlin: March 16. I received a phone call. It looks like God has answered our prayers with a clear signal. The girl on the other end asked how I would like a brother for Mary. She saw a picture of Mary yesterday and fell in love with her. We will meet her and her family.

Gene: I am rejoicing, Lord! We met the most wonderful couple tonight. They visited us with their adorable 2-year-old daughter. It could only be described as love at first sight! They love the Lord and love children. Caitlin worked as a labor and delivery nurse before they had Mary. Lisa really likes this fine young couple. They seem willing to consider our desire for an open adoption and ongoing relationship. We feel like the Lord confirmed this family immediately as we are all in agreement.

Caitlin: Another miracle appears to be in the works. Lisa is a wonderful and beautiful girl. She is seeking the best for the child she is carrying and the thought that that may mean that we be his parents fills us with awe. How can we be worthy of such a blessing?

September, 2000
Nearly three years later, it still overwhelms me when I pause to think about it. This beautiful child before you is a miracle on so many levels.

Gene: Dear Lord, I can't believe it has been three years since we first learned of the pregnancy. How You have redeemed this painful situation and blessed all of us! Our grandson's adoptive parents have adopted our whole family! Our kids and their kids get along so well. Lisa visits and baby-sits for them when she is home from college and talks often with Caitlin by phone. Sometimes it seems like they are sisters. I still can hardly believe the amazing way You demonstrate Your love for us, Jesus. Thank you, Lord, for the gift of life.

---------------------
November is National Adoption Month. Take time to research adoption with your pregnant daughter, along with single parenting and marriage. Then, no matter which of these roads she chooses, she can feel confident that the decision was made with care and thought instead of off-handedly. When things are tough in the future (because life can be hard no matter what we choose), she can remind herself that she actively chose her road instead of saying "I wish I had considered ______."