Janelle, birthmother

This is the true story of a real person, brought to you by the National Council For Adoption.

I had just turned 18 when I found out I was pregnant. Although I was young and it was unexpected, I felt an unbelievable amount of love for my unborn child. My parents pushed for adoption, especially since I was adopted myself, but I dismissed the idea because of the overwhelming connection I felt with the child inside of me. I made the decision to parent my child, even though I knew that the father wasn’t going to stick around.

In July of 1996, my son was born. He was everything I had envisioned him to be. He was my pride and joy. Then reality set in: I was responsible for giving this little human being the best life possible, and I had to do this as a single parent. I started to think about all of the things I had growing up with two parents – things he would not have. I wanted to go to college and better myself for him, but that would mean limiting the activities that he could participate in as well as limiting our time together. To raise him by myself meant that he would not have a dad to show up at his Little League game to watch him and cheer him on. All of these thoughts made me cry daily.

One day, when my son was about three months old, I broke down in front of him. He looked up at me and just smiled and giggled out loud. I will never forget that little face smiling up at me. I knew then and there that he deserved a better life. He deserved the life that my biological mother so selflessly gave me when she placed me for adoption.

Now, more than ten years later, I look back and smile at all of the happy memories that I hold. I think of the indescribable joy on the faces of his adoptive parents when they realized they finally had a child. I hold close to my heart the pictures and stories they have shared with me over the years. I remember, most of all, the unsurpassable amount of love that I felt for my son – a love I still feel – that led me to choose adoption.

--Janelle

You may find it helpful to read the chapters titled "Should She Make an Adoption Plan?", "Should We Adopt the Baby?", "Should They Marry?" and "Should She Parent Alone?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

November is National Adoption Month. Take time to research adoption with your pregnant daughter, along with single parenting and marriage. Then, no matter which of these roads she chooses, she can feel confident that the decision was made with care and thought instead of off-handedly. When things are tough in the future (because life can be hard no matter what we choose), she can remind herself that she actively chose her road instead of saying "I wish I had considered ______."

Julia Thornton, birthmother

This is the true story of a real person, brought to you by the National Council For Adoption.

Driving home from school one afternoon my birthdaughter turned to her mother and said, “Mom, if Julie gets married, do you think she’ll have me in her wedding?” Her mom smiled and said, “I don’t know. We’ll have to ask her.” Her mom later shared the conversation with me and we had a good laugh. Joking about my single status, I said my birthdaughter shouldn’t hold her breath, to which her mother replied, “It will happen one day, Jewel.”

When I chose to place my daughter into the loving arms of her parents, I knew she was going to a wonderful family who could give her the life I knew she deserved. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was gaining the friendship and love that her parents have never failed to show me. They have so generously shared their daughter’s life with me through pictures and regular phone calls. They have treated me with respect, and have given me a great sense of peace about having placed my daughter for adoption. They have never perceived me as a threat to their family, but rather an extension of it.

Placing a child is an incredibly difficult sacrifice. The immediate pain of separation is significant. But when a woman is called to place for adoption, the process is nothing short of sacred. To choose a family and entrust them with the care of your child takes a tremendous amount of faith: faith in yourself that you have made the right decision for your child and yourself; faith that the family who has come into your life will treat their responsibility with the utmost reverence; and faith that the hurt will subside and will one day be replaced with joy.

Many women I’ve counseled during their unplanned pregnancies have told me they could never “give their baby away.” Their language choice is unfortunate, but I understand their feelings. To a woman carrying a child to term, the idea of adoption can seem anathematic, especially when it is not what they desire. Sadly, many women throughout history have been pressured to relinquish their children against their will, suffering an injustice no human being should ever experience.

But when a woman freely chooses adoption as the best option for her, it can be an extraordinarily positive, life-affirming decision. Adoption is not an act of abandonment; it’s not a form of rejection; and it’s certainly not for lack of love. It comes from love, a force unlike any other, and it is pure.

When I discovered I was pregnant, there was pressure to get an abortion and certain circumstances made parenting an unlikely option. Fortunately, I was raised in a family that viewed adoption positively. There was no stigma or shame in making an adoption plan, and without that reinforcement, I might not have made the choice I made. Although the path has been difficult, I wouldn’t change a thing about my decision. I could not have found better parents for my birthdaughter, and I learned a lot about life and love in the process. And, most importantly, I gained the joy of knowing that there’s a little girl in the world who occasionally drives around daydreaming about my wedding day.

--Julia

You may find it helpful to read the chapters titled "Should She Make an Adoption Plan?", "Should We Adopt the Baby?", "Should They Marry?" and "Should She Parent Alone?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

November is National Adoption Month. Take time to research adoption with your pregnant daughter, along with single parenting and marriage. Then, no matter which of these roads she chooses, she can feel confident that the decision was made with care and thought instead of off-handedly. When things are tough in the future (because life can be hard no matter what we choose), she can remind herself that she actively chose her road instead of saying "I wish I had considered ______."

Jessica O’Connor-Petts, birthmother

This is the true story of a real person, brought to you by the National Council For Adoption.

In the summer of 1996, shortly after graduating from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, I went to Atlanta to work at the Summer Olympic Games. In August, I became pregnant. The birthfather and I were not in a serious relationship, and I did not feel we would develop one. I faced two choices: becoming a single parent, or placing my child for adoption.

My first real challenge was telling my parents. I knew that they would be disappointed, but I also knew that I needed their love and support. Upon returning home to Charlotte, I began researching the adoption option through the local chapter of a national faith-based adoption agency. I wanted to have something constructive and positive to offer my parents along with the shocking news.

My parents had raised me to feel a strong sense of personal responsibility, coupled with strength and resilience. To me, adoption had always seemed a natural solution to an unplanned pregnancy, if birthparents were not ready, for whatever reason, to become parents. When I finally worked up the courage to tell my parents that I was pregnant, they were indeed upset, but they also made clear their unconditional love and support for me and for my choice, whether I decided to parent or to place my child for adoption.

Before graduating from college, I had planned to move to Washington, D.C., where I could pursue an interest in public policy and also continue rowing competitively. I saw no reason to change these plans, so I continued my job search and moved to D.C. in October 1996 after accepting a position with a nonprofit organization.

Other young people I met in the city did not know I was pregnant, and it wasn’t something I wanted to share with them. Later they told me they just thought I was a very quiet stay-at-home, since I constantly went to bed early or turned down opportunities to go out at night. It was in many ways a lonely period, despite frequent phone calls to my parents and close friends, but I did feel a sense of peace, knowing that I was taking care of myself and my child and doing the right thing.

My new job meant that I had insurance to cover my prenatal care; however, the combined pressure of starting a new position and not being able to tell my employer that I was pregnant was very stressful, particularly as I was arriving late every morning due to morning sickness. With each month that passed I struggled to hide the physical evidence of pregnancy, wondering when would be the right time to inform my boss, and worrying about what the response would be. Eventually I wrote a letter, informing my employers of my pregnancy and my intent to place my child for adoption. To my relief, they were more than supportive. They also confirmed that I was entitled to the same maternity leave as a woman who planned to parent.

Another worry I had was whether a medical provider would treat me differently, knowing my adoption plan. However, I worked with a fantastic group of midwives who were a crucial part of my support network and became my friends during pregnancy. I developed a birthing plan, which included keeping my child with me for several days after the birth, allowing me to breastfeed my child while giving me and my family a chance to know him or her before we parted. My adoption counselor fully supported me in this plan, despite any doubts she had over whether I would go through with the adoption, because it was an important part of my decision-making process; she knew that if I felt options were being closed to me, I would not feel empowered, and would not feel at peace with my ultimate decision.

Over the fall and winter months I worked with my adoption counselor to make sure I had thought through my decision carefully. She asked me to develop a parenting plan, just in case I changed my mind. I was at first reluctant to do so, not wishing to be dissuaded from my adoption plan, but this proved to be a valuable exercise. As I researched child care, transportation, costs of living, etc. and developed a budget, I saw that I could afford to parent. I was not being pushed financially into placing my child for adoption. However, I also saw how tight that budget would have been; there would have been nothing left over for piano lessons, swimming lessons, vacations, or many of the other valuable experiences which I had growing up and which I wanted my child to have. Most importantly, there would not have been a father truly present in the day-to-day life of my child, and my child would not have the chance to witness a loving adult relationship.

My parents also offered me a third option, letting me know that they could care for my child while I pursued a career, helping me to provide him or her with a loving family. I knew that their offer to take on a parenting role at a time in their life when they had already raised two children was a generous one, which comes only from true love. However, they also understood my concerns about what would happen when I eventually met and married someone, and what that would mean for continuity in the life of my child.

My birthson was born on May 15, 1997. My mother came to D.C. for the birth, and we subsequently traveled to Charlotte, where I spent the next two weeks with my parents, my little sister, and my birthson. This time was special to all of us because we were able to take him out to meet family and friends, and to acknowledge and celebrate him. When he was two weeks old I went back to work in D.C. and my mother came with me, caring for him during the day and bringing him to my office at lunchtimes.

The adoption placement ceremony took place when my birthson was four weeks old. I remember crying during the ride to the ceremony in the back seat of my parents’ car, and I remember my parents’ anguish at seeing my pain. I also remember the smiles on everyone’s faces as we watched him sleep peacefully in his new mother’s arms.

During the days and weeks that followed I experienced peace, punctuated by periods of intense pain. I missed my birthson’s smell and his little toenails scratching me in bed and his wide-eyed expressions. I felt guilty for having deprived my parents of their first grandchild, even though I knew they fully supported my adoption decision. I also struggled with depression later on when I was confronted with the sense that my activities and pursuits, which had seemed so valuable to me before I became pregnant, now paled in comparison with the joy and satisfaction of raising a child. I would see other young mothers with children the same age as mine and wonder what my life would be like in their shoes.

But as the years have passed and my life has followed its own full course, my family’s relationship with my birthson and his family has blossomed, and my confidence that I made the right choice has never wavered. When I speak with him and hear the excitement in his voice as he relays his latest accomplishments in swimming, or Odyssey of the Mind, or county choral society auditions, I know that he has a wonderful life. When I speak with his parents and hear the warmth and honesty of friendship in their voices as they describe their summer family vacation, I am grateful to have found such perfect parents for my birthson. When I see him and his little sister, also adopted, bounding around together in their living room while their parents watch amused, I am reminded of the joy that is adoption.

When I married in 2003, my birthson was our ringbearer, his little sister our flowergirl, and both his parents were presenters. My husband and I are now expecting a baby, and my 10-year-old birthson and his family are sharing our joy and looking forward to welcoming another child into this growing family.

Adoption has enabled me to provide a wonderful life for my son while giving me the opportunities to pursue my own aspirations, and I will always feel that my own life has been made richer through choosing adoption.
--Jessica

You may find it helpful to read the chapters titled "Should She Make an Adoption Plan?", "Should We Adopt the Baby?", "Should They Marry?" and "Should She Parent Alone?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

November is National Adoption Month. Take time to research adoption with your pregnant daughter, along with single parenting and marriage. Then, no matter which of these roads she chooses, she can feel confident that the decision was made with care and thought instead of off-handedly. When things are tough in the future (because life can be hard no matter what we choose), she can remind herself that she actively chose her road instead of saying "I wish I had considered ______."

Courtney Lewis, birthmother

This is a true story of a real person, brought to you by the National Council for Adoption.

Finding out I was pregnant my senior year of high school was devastating. I did not want to believe it – it took three positive pregnancy tests to convince me that I was really pregnant. I had planned to go away to college in the fall, and I knew that having a baby would change everything.

First I told my boyfriend. He became very distant and cold. He asked whose child it was, and who else I had been with. It was obvious to me that he was not going to allow himself to believe that I was pregnant with his child. It was then that I realized we were no longer a couple, and he was not going to be a part of our child’s life.

Without the support of my baby’s father, and knowing that my divorced parents were not in a position to help me, I considered my options. I thought parenting my child would mean I had to throw away my dreams of going to college, and felt I was in no position to provide the kind of family and stability my child would need.

I considered abortion, because I thought it would allow me to continue on with my life as I had planned. I also considered adoption. Then I had a scary fall down a flight of stairs when I was just six weeks along, and my doctor conducted an ultrasound to find out if the baby had been affected by the fall. The monitor showed a blinking light, the baby’s heartbeat. It was then that my thoughts were transformed from “I’m pregnant” to “I’m carrying a child.” The heartbeat made it clear to me, this was life. At that moment, I made my decision to choose life – for myself and for my child. At that moment, I chose adoption.

Being seventeen and pregnant was hard. Four months into my pregnancy my mother remarried, unbeknownst to me and my siblings, and shortly after, she moved across the country to be with her new husband. I still felt that I needed her help, and she was gone. I had no idea what to expect in a pregnancy, how to care for myself and my child, and I knew I couldn’t do it alone. I moved in with my father, who became my rock, supporting me emotionally, helping me reason through difficult decisions, showing me unconditional love.

Going out in public was difficult. The common opinion of pregnant teenagers is not always forgiving. I began attending counseling sessions, both one-on-one and in a support group. Additionally, I had my dad and my younger siblings around, who allowed me to cry and laugh, pulling me through the hard times and praising me for the choice I had made. Without them, I may not have been able to plan for the adoption, and for my life afterwards without my son.
I began my search for the perfect couple to raise my son. Certain criteria were very important to me, certain things I felt were necessary of the adoptive parents. These criteria focused my intentions and helped me to identify an amazing couple. Shortly after reading their “Dear birthmother” letter, I contacted the adoption lawyers to let them know I had found the right couple. It was important for me to build a relationship with the adoptive parents, so that I could gain trust and appreciation for them. I was able to meet them for dinner, where I learned more about them and determined that yes, this was the couple I wanted to raise my son. We continued to talk on the phone throughout the remainder of my pregnancy, and I updated them on the health of the baby and learned more about how they planned to raise him.

At last the day came when I gave birth to my son, and his adoptive parents met me at the hospital. It was a very emotional time for all of us. They were beginning their life as a family, and I began my life as a birthmother.

I said good-bye to them, and to my son, but not for long – my first visit to their home was when my son was six months old, and I returned for another visit a year later. Since then there have been many visits. We keep in touch by letter, email, and phone. I am so grateful to know that he is in good hands and has a life that is so near what I wanted to give him, but couldn’t at the time.
Since the adoption, life has been true to course – with ups and downs. My son and his parents welcomed another son into their family, also through adoption. I was able to obtain my college degree, a career I love, and a life path of which I am proud.

Nothing is easy when you are facing an unplanned pregnancy. A lot of difficult decisions have to be made, no matter which option you choose. But adoption gave me a voice, and showed me that while I may have been too young and inexperienced to parent my child, I was mature enough to make some tough but rewarding decisions regarding his life and his future. I am so grateful for my son, for his parents, and for the lives we all have today.
--Courtney

You may find it helpful to read the chapters titled "Should She Make an Adoption Plan?", "Should We Adopt the Baby?", "Should They Marry?" and "Should She Parent Alone?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

November is National Adoption Month. Take time to research adoption with your pregnant daughter, along with single parenting and marriage. Then, no matter which of these roads she chooses, she can feel confident that the decision was made with care and thought instead of off-handedly. When things are tough in the future (because life can be hard no matter what we choose), she can remind herself that she actively chose her road instead of saying "I wish I had considered ______."

The Blessing of Adoption

This miracle of God's grace was shared by the adoptive mother, called Caitlin*, and the baby's birthgrandmother, Gene*, at the Assist Pregnancy Center Fellowship Dinner in September, 2000.

*=Names have been changed but the story is true.

September 20, 1997
Gene: A phone call after midnight? Is someone hurt or dead? Our friend says his daughter told him Lisa* (our daughter) is pregnant and she plans to get an abortion in the morning. This must be a nightmare...

Caitlin: I can't believe how God has blessed us. Mary*, our daughter, is growing into such a beautiful child. Two years ago, I feared we would not have children. Now, when I look at here, I dream of adding to our family...Will God bless us with a second miracle?

September 21, 1997
Gene: A dear friend from church is a Crisis Pregnancy Center counselor and she met with Lisa this morning. Afterwards, Lisa agreed that abortion was not an option. She was so scared she simply fell into the choice and saw it as the only way out. Our friend offered hope for what was ahead. But how can my baby be having a baby?

September 25, 1997
Gene: Our special friend at Assist met with Lisa and me today. She listened to our dilemma with such compassion and understanding. She helped us see that we were not alone in this awful situation and that God is still in control. Assist has so many ways to help and comfort ... from prenatal classes and support groups to baby clothes and equipment. Lisa will meet with a counselor regularly for a while. They may even put me in touch with other parents who have faced this. But how will our family survive this?

January, 1998
Caitlin: We decided to begin our search for another child. But where do we start?

Gene: Lisa's pregnancy is in the 5th month. It feels like 5 years. So many "foggy" days, filled with emotional turmoil. Assist has continued to work with us, offering love and support. Helping us think through the choice before us: Should Lisa choose to parent or to make an adoption plan for her baby? Assist gave us a workbook that we completed together. It forced us to talk through how we would support Lisa if she chose to parent. What does that cost? How would she earn money? Who would care for the baby while she worked or continued to study? We kept asking God to reveal His plan. We try to learn how others have responded to these circumstances. Oh, Lord, why did this happen to our family?

February, 1998
Caitlin: In February we felt a strong leading that God had a child for our family, but where was he? We spoke with a number of adoption agencies and sent out some pictures of our family to an adoption attorney, but we still had no clear direction.

Gene: Lisa keeps changing her mind. One day she thinks she will parent, the next day she wants to look at profiles of couples seeking to adopt. She insists that she will place only if she can have an open adoption and continuing relationship with the baby and family. This kind of arrangement is growing more common, say the counselors. I am losing hope after looking at profiles from more than 100 families. The due date is only 8 weeks away. Lord, what do you want us to do? Is there a couple who would want to share their lives with us this way?

Caitlin: We met with some wonderful people who assist couples to adopt orphans from Russia. The pictures were amazing, the children are so beautiful. Who do we pick? How do we find the child that God has selected for us? With these difficult decisions before us, Bill fasts and prays over the weekend, seeking a clear signal of God's will. If we receive no clear signal we have decided to commit to adopt a Russian orphan.

March, 1998
Gene: We met with a Christian attorney today to talk about legal implications of Lisa choosing to parent. What rights will the father have and what child support can she expect? As we ended the meeting, the attorney gestured to a stack of profiles, sent to her by people who are seeking children to adopt. The photo on top caught Lisa's eye and she noted the name of the family. Where will this lead us? Was that a "divine appointment," Lord?

Caitlin: March 16. I received a phone call. It looks like God has answered our prayers with a clear signal. The girl on the other end asked how I would like a brother for Mary. She saw a picture of Mary yesterday and fell in love with her. We will meet her and her family.

Gene: I am rejoicing, Lord! We met the most wonderful couple tonight. They visited us with their adorable 2-year-old daughter. It could only be described as love at first sight! They love the Lord and love children. Caitlin worked as a labor and delivery nurse before they had Mary. Lisa really likes this fine young couple. They seem willing to consider our desire for an open adoption and ongoing relationship. We feel like the Lord confirmed this family immediately as we are all in agreement.

Caitlin: Another miracle appears to be in the works. Lisa is a wonderful and beautiful girl. She is seeking the best for the child she is carrying and the thought that that may mean that we be his parents fills us with awe. How can we be worthy of such a blessing?

September, 2000
Nearly three years later, it still overwhelms me when I pause to think about it. This beautiful child before you is a miracle on so many levels.

Gene: Dear Lord, I can't believe it has been three years since we first learned of the pregnancy. How You have redeemed this painful situation and blessed all of us! Our grandson's adoptive parents have adopted our whole family! Our kids and their kids get along so well. Lisa visits and baby-sits for them when she is home from college and talks often with Caitlin by phone. Sometimes it seems like they are sisters. I still can hardly believe the amazing way You demonstrate Your love for us, Jesus. Thank you, Lord, for the gift of life.

---------------------
November is National Adoption Month. Take time to research adoption with your pregnant daughter, along with single parenting and marriage. Then, no matter which of these roads she chooses, she can feel confident that the decision was made with care and thought instead of off-handedly. When things are tough in the future (because life can be hard no matter what we choose), she can remind herself that she actively chose her road instead of saying "I wish I had considered ______."

Adopted Three Times

This is Toni's story:

My mother, Rosalia, found herself single and pregnant at the age of 34. Post World War II Germany was a hostile place for a single, pregnant woman. Rosalia gave birth to me and later married a man who adopted me to give me his last name. Rosalia died before I was three years old and there is no information on why or when I became a ward of Catholic Charities and was placed in an orphanage.

At five and a half years of age, I was adopted by American parents, sight unseen. I arrived in the U.S. speaking not a word of English. My name was changed by my adopted parents, who had a son who was six years old.

Although I was not brought up in a Christian home, I did have a very religious background, having gone to a parochial school for 13 years. I had a strong belief in God. I knew He answered prayer, but I didn't have a personal relationship with Jesus. I wanted more than anything to be good and pleasing. I wanted God to approve of me. In my early 20s, I really started having serious doubts about religion, for nothing seemed consistent and true.

In 1971 I married Jack, a man I thought I had met purely by chance. I know now that God had chosen him for me and me for him. In 1973 we lost our first baby boy when I was six months pregnant. He lived only 12 hours. The grief was overwhelming then. Now I am comforted in knowing we will meet Ian again in Heaven.

After two beautiful, miracle children and 14 years of marriage, Jack and I separated. The five previous years of our marriage had been spent in serious trouble. We had drifted further and further apart. I decided that nothing could repair all the damage we had done to each other, so I moved with the children to start a new life.

During our separation, Jack came to the end of himself. By God's divine plan, he heard the gospel on Christian TV and gave his heart to the Lord. He started reading the Bible and claiming God's promises. The circumstances really looked dismal for any reconciliation between us, but Jack trusted God to bring us back together. And God did bring me back with the children one year later. It took time for me to trust this remarkable conversion as well as regain trust in our marriage relationship. But when I saw what God had done in Jack's life and how he had changed, I wanted to have the same experience. I committed my heart to Jesus in 1987. The Lord became my heavenly Father and I was "adopted" for the third time. I was now a child of God. After working for most of marriage, we decided that it would honor God if I "retired" from my career in the government and devoted myself to building our family. We all grew spiritually and we were able to pay off our huge debts.

During the summer of 1990, I started praying for God's direction in my life. Since I was the child of a crisis pregnancy, I wondered what I could do in the pro-life movement. I was moved by what I heard about CPC ministries at church. When I saw an announcement of a CPC volunteer training, I planned to attend.

I praise God for bringing me to Himself and for allowing me to be part of the ministry at Assist CPC. Counselling has been one of the most difficult things I've ever done, but the reward is knowing that in some small way, God has used me in the lives of the women to bring about life and not death, and to give them the opportunity to be adopted into the family of God.
--Toni

November is National Adoption Month. Take time to research adoption with your pregnant daughter, along with single parenting and marriage. Then, no matter which of these roads she chooses, she can feel confident that the decision was made with care and thought instead of off-handedly. When things are tough in the future (because life can be hard no matter what we choose), she can remind herself that she actively chose her road instead of saying "I wish I had considered ______."

A Letter to My Son's Parents

A Letter to My Son's Parents
By Thomas' Mother

The beach - my favorite place! I am here on vacation, sitting on the sand thinking about myself and my summer as I watch the waves come in. This has not been a usual spring or summer for me by any means!

This is one of the hardest letters I will ever have to write but I guess by the ocean is just as good a place as any to write. Especially a letter with feelings such as this which has always been hard for me to put down on paper.

I am fifteen years old. I love sports, especially football. I love music and play the piano and clarinet. I am an "A" or "B" student, was a student government officer and a head cheerleader. I guess one of the reasons I like football so much is because I have been a cheerleader for eight years. I plan to go to college and hope to enter the medical field to be a doctor. As you can see I love people and being with them.

There are many great things I want from life and many things I want for my son. My son came into this world through a relationship with a boy that I cared for very deeply. My son's father and I are the same age and went to the same school. He was co-captain of our football team and a star wrestler. He also plays golf and runs track and has won awards in both.

Today's teenage society is very different from that of my parents some twenty years ago. My son "just happened" and I want much more for him than I can give him at this time in my life. He deserves a chance for the very best that life can offer and the family life I have enjoyed so much.

Being fifteen and single doesn't eliminate the feelings of love and caring that one has for their children. I have given a lot of thought to what it would be like to try to raise my son with my family and try to finish school.

It just wouldn't be fair to my son or to me. Yet I know I will always wonder if he is all right and what he is doing. I want you to know I am very proud of my son and not ashamed of him. I feel with your love and family and because you want him so badly, you will do many of the things with him that I have enjoyed with my family such as camping, fishing, family reunions, sporting events, etc.

Loving a baby is essential and placing my son with parents who love him and want him is my way of making a mistake into something good. This is a decision I can live with better than abortion or trying to be a good parent at fifteen. I thought of adoption from the time I accepted the fact I was pregnant. I don't think I could have lived with myself if I took away a life when I knew somebody out in the world wanted a child but couldn't have one.

It was and still is very hard for me to give him up after carrying him for nine months. I held him, cuddled him, played and "talked" with him several times in the hospital. I wish I could have somehow explained things to those deep, searching blue eyes, and have him understand. Life must go on and I want more for him than shattered pieces of life like pieces of shells torn and strewn on the beach. I would like him to be as whole and complete as possible.

I named my son Thomas because he just looked like a "Tom" from the first time I saw him. I only gave him one name in case you choose to add a name that the two of you have selected or you might choose to change it completely. With your permission, I would like to know what his name will be. I'd appreciate receiving a picture of him from time to time and any information you would like to send. I just want to know he's all right and what the combination of his father and I look like. Should Thomas ever need me for medical reasons such as a kidney donor, please make every possible effort to contact me.

I would possibly like to send something special just from me. I hope from the very beginning you will tell Thomas he is adopted and a chosen child so he can grow up with that idea. I know a child, now eight years old whose parents have never told him he is adopted and each day it grows harder to tell him. I feel Thomas should always know because "normal" adolescence is hard enough without parents dropping a bomb on him.

They say time heals all wounds. I hope with time and your reassurance that he is doing fine, I can feel totally content with my decision. I want to reassure you that I won't ever try to walk into your lives now that you are a family unless you need me. My time with Tom is gone and yours is just beginning. I have made peace with myself that you two are Tom's parents now.

Next week when you come to pick up Thomas and I'll be returning to school, my thoughts and hope will be with you and your new family. I wish you all the luck and happiness that life can offer. Today with the ocean waves, Tom is in my thoughts as he always will be. From time to time I shall return to the ocean and the gulls to think of this summer and Thomas. The pain will fade as each wave does but Thomas will happily live on.

My very best wishes go with Tom.
--Thomas's Mother

November is National Adoption Month, so this blog will feature adoption throughout the month.

Has your daughter been threatened?

Ebony Chatell Robinson, 21, was pregnant and found dead in December 2007. She was expecting to give birth to a boy in January 2008. The baby's father (aged 39) had threatened her when he found out she was pregnant, and later followed up on that threat by shooting Ebony in the chest three times. He plead guilty to first-degree murder.

News stories of this kind are all too common. Ask your pregnant daughter if she has been threatened by the baby's father. If so, take this seriously. His anger may blow over. But better safe than sorry, so take steps to protect your daughter if she has been threatened. Talk to your local police or to a lawyer to see what legal steps you can take to increase her safety. Brainstorm ways that your daughter can avoid being alone with the person who has threatened her.

Protect your daughter

A recent news article titled "Jury reaches verdict in death of pregnant teen" summarizes the story of Chelsea Brooks, a 14-year-old girl who was nine months pregnant when she was murdered in 2006. The baby's father was 22. It appears that the girl's parents had received a court order for the baby's father to stay away from their daughter, because he was convicted of "violating a protection from abuse order." In addition, the baby's father was convicted of capital murder, "kidnapping, rape of a child under age of 14, ... and indecent liberties with a child."

If your pregnant daughter is a minor and the baby's father is not a minor, talk to a lawyer about the statuatory rape laws for your state and pray about whether you should press charges. If your pregnant daughter has been abused by the baby's father, talk to a lawyer about a court order for her protection. Take time to consider the physical safety of your daughter if the baby's father poses a threat. The greater the age difference between your teen daughter and the male she is dating, the more possibility that he is in a threatening or controlling position over her. Don't allow your teen daughter to date anyone more than 3 years older than herself.

Three Times a Baby

When 22-year-old Mieisha learned she was pregnant, she was shocked. But discovering she was pregnant with triplets was more than she could handle - especially since she was teetering on the brink of homelessness. Life had not been easy for Mieisha. Growing up around crime-ridden Compton in inner-city Los Angeles, she already had a 3-year-old son. Two years ago she had an abortion which was an experience that shook her.

"I was sleeping on the floor with rats," she says, describing her life when she had her abortion. "My son and I were sitting outside at 3AM at the bus stop in the rain. I couldn't bring a baby into that." So before the abortion, she made a deal with God. "I got down on my knees and prayed," she says. "I told God that if he gave me another baby, I wouldn't do abortion again, no matter how hard it was."

That was a deal she knew she had to keep. But triplets? How could she manage?

Her situation seemed impossible. Although she currently lives with a cousin, the threat of homelessness is very real. Because of her difficult pregnancy, she cannot hold down a steady job. Despite her promise to God, she didn't know how she could support three more babies.

Then she went to the Grace Elliot Center.

An outreach of Trinity Chapel in Compton, the Grace Elliot Center is a CareNet affiliate. This program seeks to provide compassion, support, and the love of Jesus Christ to women in underserved urban communities where abortion clinics vastly outnumber pregnancy centers. Center Director Tera Hilliard's heart went out to Mieisha on the first day of their Life Skills class. "When she announced she was having triplets, the whole room just turned to look at her," Tera recalls. "And I saw the 'but' on her face. The 'I'm keeping them, but...' that meant there was still that window where she could possibly abort. "So I told her we wanted to help her in any way that we could," Tera says, "We serve a big God, and if He can handle one baby, He can handle three."

Things began to change for Mieisha. With the support she received from Tera and her new friends at the Grace Elliot Center, she decided not to abort her babies. She's keeping them - and to do that, she's learning how to get her priorities in order.

"My kids come first. I'm getting my foundation right," Mieisha says. She wants to start her own business as a way to support her family. And, most importantly - for the first time ever - she has hope. Mieisha wishes she had heard of the Grace Elliot Center before she had her first abortion. If she had, she probably would have kept that baby, too. That's something Tera hears often. According to Tera, L.A. County is broken into roughly a dozen Service Planning Areas, and Compton's area "has a high rate of everything: crime, abortion, infant mortality, diabetes...all the horrible things that go on in L.A. County." The young mothers there are not often aware that they have options - or hope. As for Mieisha, she's looking forward to the future that the Grace Elliot Center has given her and her babies.

The above true story is excerpted from the Fall/Winter 2008 edition of "Care Net Report" and was written up by Lisa Schmitt.

See if there is a pregnancy help center near you, by visiting OptionLine.org or calling 800-395-HELP.

Local help

The Rolla Daily News recently had an article about their local pregnancy help center. That article tells this story of one of their real clients:

Baby Kaylee was just born not more than seven days ago. Kaylee’s parents Kelly and Casper admit their daughter’s birth would not have been if not for the Pregnancy Resource Center in Rolla.“I had scheduled an abortion two times and I’m so happy the Pregnancy Resource Center assisted me, because if we hadn’t met them, Kaylee would not have been born and we can’t imagine her not being here.” Kelly says it was the best decision she ever made to give birth to her daughter and she and her husband Casper couldn’t be happier with their new addition. Kelly says the Pregnancy Center not only helped her in making the right decision to have her daughter, but it assisted her throughout her entire pregnancy and is currently providing her with parenting classes. “They are there anytime we need to talk and they are even helping me finish school,” Kelly says with a smile on her face.

The Pregnancy Resource Center of Rolla offers "pregnancy tests, ultrasound services, crisis pregnancy counseling for both mothers and fathers, and education on abortion and adoption as well as abstinence." Have you called your local pregnancy help center (800-395-HELP) to see what services they offer that would be beneficial to your pregnant daughter and your family?

Infant abandonment

The Buffalo News recently ran an article titled "Mother charged with killing infant daughter kept pregnancy a secret, police say". This article tells a small piece of the story of 19-year-old college student Alicia Zebrun who apparently hid her pregnancy from her family, gave birth alone at home, then put her newborn daughter into a shoe box where she died. According to a quote in the article, this type of incident happens about once per day in the U.S. This sort of situation is also the basis for the "Safe-Haven Laws" that all 50 states have where a newborn can be left at a specific location. See the National Safe Haven Alliance for more information about these laws and the details for your state. There has also been a recent set of articles about parents abandoning their older kids at Safe Haven locations.

Like pregnancy in teens and college students, there is no perfect stereotype for women who hide their pregnancy and then leave their child to die: any socio-economic group can be represented. In this article, neighbors said Alicia was a good kid and the children in the Zebrun family had a strong upbringing by "excellent parents" who were strict. Neighbors believe Alicia's mother and step-father would have helped her with the pregnancy and baby becuase they were "all about kids."

So why do some women do this?
One commentator in the article guesses that "For whatever reason, they were extremely frightened. They may have felt fearful about disclosing the pregnancy for whatever reason. We don’t know."

Another commentator in the article says "The girls and young women who kill or abandon their newborns generally are deeply ashamed and often refuse to acknowledge their pregnancies 'until the very end when it’s undeniable,' he said. Faced with a baby they don’t want, they do the unthinkable. 'They’re not thinking,' Kaye said. 'They’re acting.' "

So what can we do?
Kaye believes the only way to stop it is for parents and communities to be more involved with their daughters. He pointed out one case in which a girl said she hid her pregnancy from her family and ended up killing her baby because her father had told her he’d kill her if she ever came home pregnant. “The father broke down in tears,” Kaye said. “ ‘This is my fault . . . I didn’t mean it. But I actually said it,’ ” he recounted. “The community needs to say this is an example of us failing our kids,” Kaye said. “We need to do a better as a community rather than skapegoating this girl.”

Talk to all your children about this story. Tell them that while you will probably be angry or upset to learn they were pregnant (or were drinking or using drugs), that you would prefer that your kids talked to you instead of keeping a secret. You may have said something in the past such as "If you ever come home pregnant, I'll (kill you, kick you out of the house, etc.)." Do you really mean this? Would you really murder your own child? Or are you simply trying to express that you would be hurt, disappointed, and angry for a while? If you've ever said an extreme statement like this, tell your kids that you don't mean it and then tell them what you really mean instead. Tell your kids that you love them even when they make mistakes with serious consequences. Tell your kids that you want to help them when they have a problem, even if the news of the problem may be hard to hear. Be involved in your kids' lives so much that you would NOTICE if your daughter was pregnant. Brainstorm ways you can be involved in their lives without going to extremes. There is a balance in there somewhere so that you are neither a clueless parent nor an invasive parent.

In our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy", the chapter titled "First Steps" list three things you need to do as soon as you discover your teen or college student daughter is pregnant. First, get her the medical attention she needs, and then find her the emotional support she needs. For example, help your pregnant daughter get parenting classes and help her learn about stress management. Your local pregnancy help center may be able to offer your family these classes, and may also have peer support sessions and group sessions to help your pregnant daughter cope with the changes that are coming into her life.

Real Stories: Carla & Darlene

These are the stories of two real women who found help at the Darlene Bishop Home for Life. Their names have been changed.

Carla - "Growing up in an abusive environment, a dysfunctional way of life became my norm. This triggered a chain of self-destructive events and soon I began walking down a path of mutiny and rebellion. I became the definition of a defiant and "out of control" teen. Desperate for attention and the need to be loved, I became drawn to the wrong crowd and entered into many damaging relationships. Shortly after turning 18, I became pregnant. Only after hitting the point of complete desperation and on the verge of having an abortion, I finally accepted help. When I arrived at the Home for Life, I felt lifeless and drained. In the seven months of my stay I have surrendered my life to Jesus Christ and His plan for me. The tears shed washed away the feelings of guilt and shame being harbored towards my past. With newfound confidence, I have currently finished my second term in college and am on the Merit list with a 4.0 GPA. I'm very optimistic about my future with my child and family. I am very grateful for the opportunity to come to such a remarkable place. It has been a blessing from God Himself. When I have my baby, I will be returning home to my family. I will never forget the memories made and the moments spent at the Home for Life. It has truly been an unforgettable and lifesaving experience; one of which I wouldn't trade for the world!"

Darlene - "In August my daughter was born. Thanks to the Home for Life, we've made it thus far. I left an abusive marriage [last year] and found out a month later that I was pregnant. At first, I stayed with a friend, and then eventually went to a domestic violence shelter. I found the Home for Life when my case manager suggested that I look into a program like this. At five months pregnant, I took a bus to the Home for Life. I couldn't be happier. I grew up in abusive homes and I don't want to have that repeated for my daughter. She and I are here to allow God to work in our lives and bring healing."

Many maternity homes offer discipleship and spiritual guidance, help the pregnant woman pursue her education, and have support groups and life skills training. Would your pregnant daughter benefit from the structured environment of a residential program? Talk to your daughter and see if she would be open to this type of help. We keep a list of maternity homes in this other post. With your daughter, check them out. If she is interested in some of the programs but doesn't want to live at the maternity home, see if your local pregnancy help center can offer her the educational and support programs.

Grandparents take on parenthood, again

CNN.com recently posted the article linked in the title of this post, which tells the story of Rosa Foster, a 54-year old single parent raising her four grandchildren under the age of 19. About 2.5 million grandparents in America are the primary caregivers for their grandchildren. Obviously Rosa feels stress: emotional, and financial.

Rosa says grandparents should "make sure you're up for the challenge" before you seek custody of your grandchildren. "Because if you're not, you're going to break some kids' hearts. If those kids are torn up a second time, they're really going to be destroyed."

Her advice to grandparents who are raising their grandchildren:
1) Set priorities about your career.
2) Find financial help from state agencies, religious groups, and family.
3) Have a support network. Don't be the sole caregiver. Reach out to others and get help.
4) Take care of yourself so that you don't get overwhelmed, sick, and overly stressed. Make time to exercise. Eat right.
5) Get help with babysitting so that you can get a few hours alone once a week.

In addition to the challenges, there are rewards. "Explaining that she has put her own life on hold for 17 years, she added, 'I wouldn't have it any other way.'"

If you and your daughter are not able to raise her child for whatever reason, research whether adoption would be a benefit to the child. If your daughter is not willing or not able to raise her child but you are considering taking on the job, you may find it helpful to read the chapter titled "Should we adopt the baby?" in our book "How To Suvive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

Allison's & Kimberly's stories

A recent newspaper article titled "Pregnant In High School: Teens On How Parenting Changed Them" tells the story of two teens who were pregnant in Florida high schools. Both Allison and Kimberly appear to have been 16 when they gave birth to their children. Both girls moved out of their mother's house because she was not supportive of them giving birth. They both moved in with their boyfriends and a different family member.

Florida has a program to help pregnant teens with "childcare services, classes and [emotional] support." This program "teaches young parents proper discipline and interaction with their children, socialization and what is developmentally appropriate for their babies and toddlers. It also teaches self-sufficiency, with the hope that young parents will have the tools they need to support themselves so they are not on public assistance. Students are expected to return to school two weeks after giving birth and are required to keep up with all of the classes and homework expected of other students - not to mention parenting courses and taking care of a newborn. 'When girls wake up after being up all night with their babies, they look exhausted,' Emmerman said. 'Most girls find it very difficult to adjust to being a parent.'" The article says that many teen parents in the Florida parenting program (in other words, those who did not drop out of school) are able to realize that they need to grow up, be responsible, get better grades, and stay out of trouble...for the sake of their child.

Help your pregnant daughter stay in school and finish at least her high school education. See if your county has a parenting program that can teach her the skills she needs. Many pregnancy help centers also have classes that educate women on child development and parenting skills. If your daughter does not see how she can stay in school and be a parent, research with her to see if adoption would be a benefit to her and her child.

Real story: Jelysa and Kyje

The New York Daily News had an article recently, titled "Teen, interrupted: Youthful pregnancies, from 'Juno' to Juneau". One part of the article was a real story of a young mother:

"It's hard as a teen mom, but it motivated me ," says Jelysa Roberts, a Brooklyn mom who had her son Kyje when she was just 16. "I can't think about myself anymore. I'm thinking about somebody else, who is looking up to me to be their guide and protector. It really made me know I can't make any mistakes right now." So far, Roberts is succeeding. Now 19, she graduated high school with the rest of her class in 2006, despite having to switch schools. Roberts discovered she was pregnant just before she started her junior year at a Catholic school. When administrators found out, they suggested she attend a public school for pregnant teens and new moms. "I was used to competitive classes," Roberts recalls, explaining how the alternative school lumped her (then an 11th grader) into classes with kids from the ninth and 10th grades. "The classes I needed to keep on track with everybody else weren't available to me," she says. But Roberts stuck it out at the transitional school and eventually returned to her original school, and graduated with a Regents diploma. The dedicated mom is now a nursing student at Kingsborough Community College, where she's working toward her bachelor's degree while caring for 3-year-old Kyje.

If your teen daughter is pregnant, brainstorm with her how she can finish her high school education at a minimum.

Newsweek: "Teen Pregnancy, Hollywood Style"

Newsweek recently had an online article titled "Teen Pregnancy, Hollywood Style." Take a few minutes to read the article, then come back. We'll wait for you.

"It's the missing three C's: there's little commitment, no mention of contraception and rarely do we see negative consequences," says Jane Brown, a journalism professor at the University of North Carolina who runs the Teen Media Project. "What's missing in the media's sexual script is what happens before and after. Why are these kids getting pregnant and what happens afterward?"

Kids are getting pregnant because they are having sex. A better question might be 'why are these kids having sex?' Statistics say that slightly less than half of high school student are having sex, so why do we see so much teen sexual activity in the media? Talk to your kids about sexual activity and the "three C's" mentioned above.

• What does your family believe should be the connection between sex and commitment? What kind of commitment should be present before kissing? petting? oral sex? intercourse?
• What does your family believe about contraception methods and their use? Does a teen being on the pill or shot mean that she is encouraged to have sex?
• Research with your kids the physical and emotional consequences of sexual activity. The CDC says that 25% of female teens have at least one sexually transmitted disease. Some of our previous posts have discussed consequences: "Sexual Behavior In America's Children" and "Benefits of Delaying Sexual Debut".

The Newsweek article then tells the stories of several teens who gave birth to their children, highlighting the negative consequences of being a teen mother. One teen dropped out of high school because of the social pressure. Another teen's mother felt judged at church because her daughter was pregnant. While some media make teen parenting look glamorous (Jamie Lynn Spears has money for nannies and enough to buy anything her child desires), other media (like this Newsweek article) focuses only on the negative aspects, saying they are bringing "reality." However, the Newsweek article seems to be saying that giving birth should be avoided because being a parent is too hard (thus subtly promoting abortion), not that having sex should be delayed until marriage. The Newsweek article also promotes condoms and contraceptives, but ignores the emotional consequences of sex outside of marriage. There is no condom or pill that protects the heart. Newsweek conviently ignores the painful consequences of teen pregnancies that end in abortion instead of birth.

One of the reader comments on the Newsweek site told her story:

Posted By: carefullmom @ 07/28/2008 4:17:04 AM
Comment: When I was just a fourteen year old child I was surprised to find myself pregnant. I knew how it happened, but I think I was so naive that I didn't think that it would happen. I don't recall my folks ever speaking to me about the subject. When they finally figured out what was going on with me, they drove me to a clinic and forced a decision down my throat. I don't really know what decision I would have made if it had been left up to me, I think I probably would have just gone on in childlike ignorance not believing that any of it was really happening. After the tears cleared and I realized what had happened, and took responsibility for what I had done, I became so angry that I became near obsessive about having another baby. At 18, I did. I moved out of my parents home at midnight on my 18th birthday and called them a few months later to tell them that they would soon be grandparents. They indicated that the 4 years of remorse that they had watched me endure had led them to believe that only having a child was going to help me begin to heal. I thank God for their support and believe that my daughter healed wounds in my family that might never have otherwise healed. With my folks support and personal drive resulting from wanting the very best for my daughter, I finished college, landed a good job, eventually married a great man who adopted my daughter, finished graduate school, and now have two more children. The first five years when I was going to college and being a mom were really challenging. Other students were going to parties and I was washing diapers and working a night shift to make enough money to pay my rent and buy food. My oldest daughter, now 20 and in college, and my middle daughter, now 14, know that they can come to me with anything and I will not judge them, but will help them no matter how difficult the situation. They tell me that I have given them a tremendous role model to strive towards in their own lives. We have spoken openly and honestly about birth control, sex, and the hardships of raising babies alone and in poverty for so many years now that I cannot remember when we started. I think teen mothers and mothers-to-be or perhaps not-to-be need more non-judgemental support to help them make a decision about whether they have what it takes to raise a child. And for those young women who do choose to keep their baby, government programs should focus less on hand outs that lead to dependence and more on high school completion programs and college credit programs such as childcare money for woman who take college courses to enable them to get good paying jobs. Judgemental and negative comments certainly won't help a young pregnant woman make healthy decisions. I thought Juno was a thoughtful representation of how a family dealt with a crisis, and how a young girl made a very brave, realistic, and generous decision for the well-being of her baby.

Read this real story to your kids, and talk to them about it. Do your kids have the typical teen attitude that THEY won't get infected with an STD, or that THEY won't get pregnant? Talk to your kids about this woman's emotional pain and remorse after abortion. This woman responded in a common manner and intentionally got pregnant to "replace" the aborted baby. This family gave incredible support to their pregnant daughter the second time, helping her get a college education. This woman was able to get married (unlike 40% of single moms). She also makes some suggestions of what social services could do differently so that pregnant women can become more independent instead of reliant on help.

Reality is that being a mother at any age has high points and low points. Mothers at any age have to change their lives and learn to balance new responsibilities and challenges. Talk to your kids about the positive experiences you had as a new mother, and the negative experiences you had. What was your situation when you became pregnant? How did this situation contribute to the positive and negative experiences?

A Wakeup Call?

These are quotes from two girls who recently graduated from an alternative school, as seen on the Bradenton, Florida, news website:

At one point, Breoana said she was ready to blow off school, to drop out. Then she got pregnant. "Once I found out that a child was on the way, I had to get my act together," she said. "The world does not revolve around me anymore; it revolves around my son."
Eyela shared a similar story. When she got pregnant, she was on her way to dropping out of school. But she wanted a better life for herself and her daughter.
"I had to raise a child, find day care and go to school," she said. "But I did it."

In previous posts, we've talked about how many pregnant girls drop out of school because they are pregnant. These two girls share that they were already on the way to dropping out of school before they became pregnant. Have you seen this trend in your pregnant daughter, too? Was she skipping school, partying a lot, getting bad grades, or talking about dropping out?

Could your daughter's pregnancy be a wake-up call for her that will help her be determined to get her life together? Talk to your daughter about the stories of these two girls. Has your daughter in the past thought that the world revolved around her? What kind of life does she want for herself and her child in the future?

Help your daughter research the benefits of finishing her high school education, both short-term benefits and long-term benefits. It may be tough to finish school, but she can do it if you all work together and also get any help that is available to you.

We talk about finishing school and many other topics in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy", a book that Christian parents of a pregnant single under the age of 25 will find beneficial as they look at all the decisions their daughter is facing.

Share in the comments section your concerns about your pregnant daughter and her schooling. What dreams about education has your daughter shared with you? You can post anonymously if you prefer.

Rebekah's Story

This is the real story of a young woman named Rebekah who was single and pregnant.

I am a living example of how being a born again Christian does not shield you from Satan’s power, if you do not walk with the Lord. My dad was a missionary pilot in the Philippines. I am a Bible college graduate. I was saved when I was 15 years old.

Yet a few years after graduating from college, I was in a good job, driving a nice sports car and had lost sight of God in the midst of my success. I became a very lonely person, spending my time looking for happiness in other areas of my life … partying, excessive drinking, sexual impurity, and looking for fulfillment with the wrong kind of men. Two years ago, after a long series of selfish choices, I had reached a point in a “roller coaster” of life where everything I had ever believed was challenged, and I made the wrong choice – I was pregnant and I chose to have an abortion rather than ruin my career or let my parents find out about my lifestyle.

For the next several months, I struggled alone with deep depression, suicidal thoughts, anger and the guilt and shame of what I had done. I had shattered my family’s trust in me, emerged from a destructive relationship barely intact and was so absolutely overwhelmed by my sins that I spent nights crying in despair, wondering how I had reached this point in my life and how God could ever love me back to Himself. 1 John 3:9 says that no one born of God can live at peace with sin and God finally had my attention. After a couple of months, I knew I could not do it alone anymore. I finally took the painful steps of telling my family what I had done and asking for their forgiveness. I also began attending a post-abortion Bible study at Assist Pregnancy Center and after many months of prayer and working through my grief, began to understand the depth of God’s love and forgiveness. What impacted me through the Bible study at that time was this:

• I was encouraged to talk about my abortion experience and feelings without fear of judgment, was listened to and encouraged by other women in the course, and was reminded of God’s promises in Scripture.
• I was able to identify why I was feeling the emotions I was experiencing and began the slow process of working through them – unprovoked anger, bitterness, moments of denial, and overwhelming grief.
• I learned to identify the emotional triggers that prevented my healing.
• I learned how easily we buy into the world’s lies – how so many are told that abortion is an “easy solution,” “it’s the best decision for this time in your life”, “it’s over and done with” or “what will your parents think”.
• I learned how sexual immorality leads to a bondage of sexual ties in bad relationships, how to break those ties and repair the sexual damage I had done to my heart and soul.

Although the healing process takes a long time, I was emotionally better equipped to face my daily challenges at the end of our eight week course. I knew I could call on anyone at Assist for additional guidance or a hug anytime I needed it. Everything that happens, happens for a reason and God can work everything together for His purpose. I am now back in church, deeply involved with my small groups and growing again in my faith. It’s amazing to see how God brings opportunities for me to share my life experiences with others to be an encouragement. I am joyful, knowing that God will use my past and my story to help others understand His undeserved grace and unconditional love.

In our book, "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy: Practical Advice for Parents of A Pregnant Christian Single," we share at least one true story in every chapter. You are not alone, and reading the stories of others who have been where you are is such a comfort!

Call 800-395-HELP to find a pregnancy resource center near you that can come alongside your family to support you all. Talk to your daughter about the pain that secrets can cause. Talk to her about how you may be hurt or angry when a secret such as a pregnancy or an abortion is revealed but that you love her and you don't want any secrets poisoning your relationship.