Managing Anger

Family & Consumer Sciences at Michigan State University Extension created a free program called "Caring for My Family." One of the lessons in this program is called "Managing Anger". Consider printing out this lesson and discussing it with your spouse, your family, your pregnant daughter, and maybe even the father of the baby.

Anger is a very common emotional reaction in a family that learns that their single daughter (sister) is pregnant. As we've discussed on many occassions, anger is a normal part of the grief cycle. Your family is grieving many things related to a unmarried daughter's pregnancy. Don't beat yourself up for feeling anger. But DO learn how to express is appropriately, and how to manage anger so that it is not overwhelming. Anger should not control your actions or your decisions.

The lesson has a great worksheet to help people learn about their anger style. Print out a copy for each person, and have them score each of the questions. This is a copy of the questions on the anger survey:

1. I am blunt and forceful when things don’t go my way.
2. I avoid or withdraw from people when I am angry with them.
3. I complain about people behind their back, but not to their face.
4. I disagree with others without attacking them on a personal level or becoming defensive.
5. I don’t keep grudges or seek revenge when problems cannot be resolved.
6. I don’t like to let other people know when I am angry.
7. I feel like hitting someone who makes me very angry.
8. I feel uncomfortable expressing my anger.
9. I have a tendency to be depressed or moody.
10. I look for mutually agreeable solutions when people disagree with me.
11. I politely, but firmly tell others when I am angry.
12. I pout and feel sorry for myself when I am angry.
13. I suppress my anger by drinking, taking drugs, or overeating.
14. I swear loudly to blow off steam.
15. I take some time to calm down before talking with others about disagreements.
16. I try not to let my anger show.
17. I use sarcasm and “little jokes or names” to make people look bad or feel bad.
18. If I’m very upset, I’ll hit something.
19. If things are bad enough, I’ll throw something.
20. When I am angry I become silent, to make it obvious that I am unhappy.

Before you discuss your scores, talk about the main points of the lesson:

• Anger is a normal and necessary emotion.
• It is not wrong to experience feelings of anger.
• Everyone experiences feelings of anger; some people experience it more intensely and more often than other people.
• Anger is your body’s way of telling you that something is wrong. It is your body’s response to an unmet need, expectation or belief. For example, you become angry when someone cuts in front of you in line because you believe that people should wait their turn.
• Anger can feel wrong to some people because they have been taught that feeling/expressing anger is not good.
• Anger can appear wrong when people express it in inappropriate ways, such as using violence.
• When expressed appropriately, anger can lead to having your needs met, without hindering the needs of others.
• Appropriate expressions of anger can lead to stronger relationships and more satisfying situations.

Talk with your family about anger: Can anger result in something good happening? If so, give an example. Give an example of something bad that can happen when someone expresses anger.

Tally up each person's response to the anger survey, using the Key in the lesson. What is each person's current method of handling anger? Read the descriptions of each anger management style from the lesson. How has each person demonstrated their anger style during the stress of your daughter's pregnancy so far?

Anger management Style A - Open Agression: Using physical or verbal force to respond to a situation that makes you angry. Open aggression often leads to more anger and new problems. Try learning Style D - Assertive Problem Solving.

Style B - Suppressed Anger: Pretending that you are not angry, stuffing your anger and hoping it will go away. People who have this style of anger management may develop headaches,
ulcers, stomachaches, or other physical illnesses because their anger is simmering below the surface. It also does not get rid of the problem that is causing the anger. It would be better to switch to Style D – Assertive Problem Solving.

Style C - Passive Aggressive: Showing anger in indirect ways, such as pouting, refusing to talk, slamming doors, stomping feet, sarcasm, and gossiping. These responses often lead to more anger and new problems. Try learning Style D - Assertive Problem Solving instead.

Style D - Assertive Problem Solving: First, be aware that you are angry. Express your anger in an honest and polite way. Confront people without making personal attacks. Don't become defensive. Brainstorm solutions to the problem that would be mutually acceptable. Release your angry feelings and forgive, let go of grudges and bitterness.

Assertive Problem Solving can be remembered by the acrostic ACTS:

A - Be AWARE of your anger. How does your body react when you start to get angry? Pay attention to how your body is feeling.

C - CONTROL your response. Think before you act. What reponse choices are available? What are the pros and cons of each? What solutions are available? What are the pros and cons of each solution? Your goal is to meet your needs without hindering the needs of others.

T - TALK about the problem in a calm, polite and assertive way. Talk about differences without using personal attacks and without becoming defensive. Use the "WIN" method of confrontation: "When...(something happens)", "I feel...". "I NEED/want...(particular action to happen)." For example, "When we don’t have enough money to pay our bills I feel angry. I want us to talk about how we can budget our money so that we have enough money to cover our bills.”

S - SOLVE the problem in a mutually acceptable way. If the situation is not solvable, then you have three choices:

1) Change your way of thinking about the event. So, in relation to your daughter's pregnancy, you might need to change your way of thinking about her pregnancy. She is carrying your grandchild, not just some blob of tissue. As difficult as life may become going forward, this child, your grandchild, will also be a blessing. Your daughter can't become un-pregnant. Abortion will not change the fact that she was pregnant. It will simply make her the mother of a dead child, and you the grandparent of a dead grandchild. So change your way of thinking about her pregnancy.

2) Get help and counseling. You can find resources and counseling for your pregnant daughter and maybe other family members at your local pregnancy help center, your church, private counselors, social services, charities, and your friends and family. Reach out to your support network and brainstorm positive solutions to the challenges your family faces. Avoid courses of action that will hurt and damage each other physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This is a time to pull together, not to tear each other down and destroy the family.

3) Withdraw from the situation. If you or your family member(s) are at risk of being physically abused by someone's anger, get help to escape from harm. If you feel angry enough to hurt someone, leave until you have calmed down. Avoid alcohol and drugs when you are angry - they can help you to act violently or in aggressive ways that are harmful to yourself and others.

Talking to your kids about sex

There have been quite a few books released recently about the sexualization of young girls. For example, see this interview/advertisement for "So Sexy So Soon" which gives teasers about topics such as how the "sexualization of childhood affects boys, as well as girls, negatively." The authors basically answer each interview question with "read our book...we couldn't possibly summarize our answers." The authors say parents should make age-appropriate rules for clothing and makeup, and start talking to their kids about sex as soon as possible. Instead of having one awkward talk, have hundreds of small talks that are incorporated into everyday life.

If you think that books for your kids would help open the door to conversation, here are some recommendations.

"God's Design for Sex: The Story of Me" is for ages 0-3 according to Focus on the Family, but read the reviews at Amazon where several parents say the content is probably better for ages 5-9.

The next book in that series is "God's Design for Sex: Before I Was Born", and Focus on the Family recommends this for ages 4-7. Again, read the parent reviews and see if this book is better for a slightly older child (8-10 perhaps).

The next book in that series is "What's the Big Deal? Why God Cares About Sex" and is for tweens, ages 8-12.

The final book in this series is "Facing the Facts- The Truth About Sex and You" and is for ages 11-14.

Either read those books with your kids and talk along the way, or read them before giving them to your kids and make sure to ask them questions about what they read.

Books for you, the parent, are also available:

Raising Your Kids to be Sexually Pure

A Chicken's Guide to Talking Turkey with Your Kids About Sex

How To Talk to Your Kids About Sexuality

Teaching True Love to a Sex-at-13 Generation

Help your pregnant daughter with: Finding community resources

The other day we posted about the topic "How much should parents help their pregnant single daughter?"We've received this question is various forms. Another way this has been phrased is "How does a mom support her pregnant daughter?" Keywords we've seen on our statistics include phrases like "helping your pregnant daughter." That post focused on the minimum basics of safe housing, nutrition, and medical care. Today let's talk about some other help beyond the minimum basics.

Beyond the minimum basics of housing, nutrition, and medical care, parents of a pregnant teen or college student should consider how they might help with these goals:

1. Helping your daughter remain in school until graduation.
2. Preventing subsequent adolescent pregnancies.
3. Improving parenting skills.
4. Locating and using community resources. (Today's topic)
5. Stabilizing family support systems.
6. Strengthening employability skills and efforts to become economically self-sufficient.

Again, your motive of considering these kinds of help is not to reward your daughter's sexual activity and pregnancy outside of marriage, but to help get her on the road to independence and to help give your grandchild a better start in life. Today's topic is:

4. Locating and using community resources. The first thing that may leap to your mind is government services. There is usually a variety of things your local social services may be able to help your pregnant daughter with, but there are lots of other sources of help too.

First, see if you have a pregnancy help center near you. Contact OptionLine.org to be connected to your local pregnancy help center. They often can help your daughter by providing mentoring and education on: pregnancy, parenting, adoption and abortion. They may be able to help her with resources like maternity clothes, baby clothes, baby equipment, diapers and baby food. Pregnancy help centers often keep referral lists of other local resources that your family would find useful.

If you need help with medical care for your pregnant daughter or her child, see if she qualifies for Medicaid.

If you need help with groceries to encourage good nutrition for your pregnant daughter and her child, see if she qualifies for WIC (Women, Infants and Children).

If your daughter is not able to live with you or other family and friends during her pregnancy, see if there is a maternity home where she would like to live.

Look for support groups, Bible studies, and classes at local churches.

Find out what programs are available at local hospitals, public schools, and non-profit agencies. To find some local non-profit agencies, use the national United Way website to find your local United Way website; from there you can often browse through the membership directory to get ideas of agencies to call.

A Second (or Third, or...) Teen Pregnancy

The other day we posted about the topic "How much should parents help their pregnant single daughter?"We've received this question is various forms. Another way this has been phrased is "How does a mom support her pregnant daughter?" Keywords we've seen on our statistics include phrases like "helping your pregnant daughter." That post focused on the minimum basics of safe housing, nutrition, and medical care. Today let's talk about some other help beyond the minimum basics.

Beyond the minimum basics of housing, nutrition, and medical care, parents of a pregnant teen or college student should consider how they might help with these goals:

1. Helping your daughter remain in school until graduation.
2. Preventing subsequent adolescent pregnancies. (Today's topic)
3. Improving parenting skills.
4. Locating and using community resources.
5. Stabilizing family support systems.
6. Strengthening employability skills and efforts to become economically self-sufficient.

Again, your motive of considering these kinds of help is not to reward your daughter's sexual activity and pregnancy outside of marriage, but to help get her on the road to independence and to help give your grandchild a better start in life. Today's topic is:

2. Preventing subsequence adolescent pregnancies. According to a report evaluating data from 2002, 20-25% of teen mothers give birth to a second child before they turn 20 years old. This report says,

"An additional birth to a teen mother shortly after her first birth appears to be associated with increased difficulties for the mother, for the outcome of the second pregnancy, and for her children. For the mother, an additional birth is associated with reduced ability to complete her education or to attain economic self-sufficiency. There may also be increased risk of preterm delivery, low birthweight, and infant mortality—although the evidence in these areas is mixed. If a teen mother gives birth again as a teenager or shortly thereafter, her children are more likely to have reduced educational achievement and possibly behavioral problems— problems that may be explained, in part, by the inadequate education of the mothers themselves or by the poverty and lifestyle of the family as a result of school failure and the inability to secure employment."

If your teen daughter should become pregnant another time before she turns 20, it may seem like abortion is a solution. However, abortion carries physical and emotional risks too. If your daughter aborts her second child and then feels deep regret and seeks to get pregnant again with an "atonement child" her situation was not improved by the abortion. A healthier solution is for your daughter to pursue sexual integrity. Sexual integrity is more than abstaining from sex until marriage, it is developing healthy attitudes and actions in all areas of human sexuality. In our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy", read the chapter titled "Restoring Sexual Integrity". Sexual integrity, including abstinence until marriage, is the only 100% effective way for your daughter to avoid a repeat pregnancy and to avoid infection with a sexually transmitted disease. In addition, sexual integrity protects her emotions, unlike condoms and pills.

Dr. Doug Rosenau is a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist in Atlanta. He is the author of A Celebration of Sex (Thomas Nelson). Dr. Rosenau has written overviews of "Eight Skills for Sexual Integrity", which are very worthwhile reading and discussing with all of your children. These articles are written for male readers, so discuss with your daughters how the same concept can be applied to them.

Sexual Integrity Skill One: Plug into God's thinking and power
Sexual Integrity Skill Two: Meet nonsexual needs nonsexually
Sexual Integrity Skill Three: Discipline sexual fantasies and surges
Sexual Integrity Skill Four: Embrace masculinity and enjoy moms, sisters and daughters
Sexual Integrity Skill Five: Cultivate covenant monogamy and passionate intimacy
Sexual Integrity Skill Six: Make positive pre- and post-temptation choices
Sexual Integrity Skill Seven: Run to God's ER when broken
Sexual Integrity Skill Eight: Create practical theologies for doubtful issues

Episode 4 - The Secret Life of the American Teenager

Thanks for stopping by our blog! You can read about previous episodes of "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" by clicking the label "Media" here or at the end of this post. You can watch the two most-recent episodes online here (click the tab called "Full Episode"). Here are a few points from the show, with some items to discuss with your teens.

In Episode 4, Amy's dad expects Amy to love the news video of Grace being attacked in a bad part of town at midnight "because we're family. You gotta dislike who I dislike. That's called loyalty. I dislike the Bowmans, so this is funny to me and to our family." What do your teens think about this? What does loyalty mean to them? How do they think loyalty should be expressed in a family? How do they think loyalty should be expressed between friends? Share your thoughts about these questions, too.

Dad continues, "These two high-faluting church-goers have a problem child on their hands." This kind of statement expresses rejection and may contribute to your teen not being honest with you, in fear that they too will be rejected. How could you reword this type of statement so that you reject wrong behavior without rejecting the person? What do your teens think a 'problem child' means? How would you define it?

Lots of parent-child confrontation in this episode. Amy's dad confronts her about whether she knows who the shirtless guy on the video is. Amy's dad confronts Ashley about her more modest outfit, accusing her of being on drugs and of lying. Grace's parents confront her about the video of her on the news in a bad part of town, and then sneaking around to date Jack. Ricky's foster mother confronts him about being shirtless and about lying about being home. Most of the confrontations we're shown are pretty calm, without shouting. What are confrontations like at your house? What could you change to make confrontations less painful? What do you wish your kids could change to make confrontation less painful?

Amy realizes that she'll have to tell her parents she's pregnant. She feels bad about her sister Ashley getting in trouble as a way of distracting her parents from her secret. Amy's friend tells her "Be responsible - talk to your parents, and get some help."

Grace temporarily gives up being on the cheer squad because that's the punishment she came up with for lying to her parents. What kinds of consequences do your kids think would be appropriate for Grace's sneaking around and lying?

Amy's mom says to Amy, "I'm not accusing you. You're perfect. Close to perfect. Both my girls are. Although I really don't know why Ashley wants me to think she's having sex. I don't think she's having sex. ... Thank you for being such a wonderful daughter." Both parents and kids sometimes have mental images of each other that are not entirely accurate. Very few of us are actually 'close to perfect.' On the flip side, both parents and kids who behave badly likely have good qualities to them somewhere. Both kids and parents can do a better job of being realistic about the good parts and bad parts of each other. Take care not to go to extremes of either putting someone on a perfect pedestal or of putting someone in the garbage dump. Talk to your kids - how would they describe you? How would they describe themselves? How do they think you would describe them? Do your kids think you never made any mistakes growing up? Have you been afraid to express your wishes about any topics because you made a mistake in that area when you were younger? Are you willing to share with your kids (at the appropriate level of detail for their age) about mistakes you made when you were growing up? There is some value in "do as I say, not as I do"...but how can this attitude be kept in balance?

Later in the show, Amy tells her dad that Ashley is not having sex but that Ashley is covering for someone. Amy tells her dad that she had sex and he responds angrily, "You did not have sex. I know you!" Amy replies, "Dad, you don't know me! I did have sex." Her dad is stunned, but the conversation is interrupted. When we learn something new about someone we love, the shock can make us suddenly feel like we don't know that person. The revelation that your child is sexually active or pregnant can easily trigger a grief cycle. Pay attention to your feelings and give yourself the room to work through your reactions. Seek counsel.

Jack is talking to Adrian and says, "Every relationship needs a good foundation. And if our relationship was Christ, I think even you and I could make it. I want a girlfriend, a real girlfriend. And in order for you to be my girlfriend, we need more than just being physically attracted to each other." Though Jack's motives in this conversation (to make Grace jealous) are pretty rotten, he makes some interesting points. Talk to your kids about what Jack said. What is a 'real' girlfriend/boyfriend? What things make a good foundation for a relationship? How important is physical attraction in the foundation of a relationship? How much of a role does physical attraction play in your kids current dating relationships? Ask your kids what happens to a relationship as they age and looks fail? What about 'missionary' dating (a believer dating a non-believer with the motive of trying to induce faith in the non-believer)? Does it seem like a good idea? In what ways might each of the people in such a relationship be affected by the other person, and how likely are those outcomes?

Later, when Jack is picking up Adrian to go to church, Adrian tries to seduce Jack. She asks, "Didn't you have a good time last time?" He says, "Yeah, I had a great time. But it wasn't worth all the guilt and trouble it caused." Adrian says, "Everyone's going to think we're doing something so we might as well be doing something, right?" Jack replies, "Wrong. I don't care what everyone else thinks. I care what I think. I think that sex before marriage is a sin." Adrian says, "Well, aren't we all sinners? ... We'll go to confession afterwards." Jack says, "We [protestants] don't have confession.... we have guilt, shame, regret." Jack says that they could make out, but couldn't do anything more than that, "anything more than that would be a sin." Adrian asks, "What, is it in the Bible?" Jack says it is, but has no idea where. So we hear that Jack says he is feeling regret for having sex. According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, "Most teens who have had sex wish they had waited. Almost 70% of teens regret having had sex as early as they did." Ask your kids if they have had sex. If so, do they feel guilt, shame or regret? Do they need counseling from a religious leader to help them process these feelings? Jack says that making out is ok. Where do your kids think they should "draw the line" in sexual activity at their age? What about when they are unmarried college students? What limits would you prefer they follow?

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy also has a discussion guide online for this episode (PDF file).

"Seven Steps to Forgiveness" by R.T. Kendall

The following is a summary/outline of the points made by guest R.T. Kendall on the Focus On The Family radio program "Finding True Forgiveness."

Seven Steps to Forgiveness

1. Do not let anyone know what someone said about, or did to you.
2. Do not allow anyone to be afraid of you or intimidated by you.
3. Allow them to forgive themselves and not feel guilty.
4. Let them save face.
5. Protect them from their darkest secret and greatest fear.
6. It is a lifelong commitment.
7. Pray for them to be blessed.

What Forgiveness is Not

1. Approval of what they did.
2. Excusing what they did.
3. Justifying what they did.
4. Pardoning what they did.
5. Reconciliation.
6. Denying what they did.

There may be a lot of people you need to forgive when your single daughter is pregnant. You may need to forgive your daughter, the baby's father, his family, your friends and family for the way they react, yourself, and others.

How can we apply these steps to forgiveness to a Christian daughter who is single and pregnant?

1. "Do not let anyone know what someone said about, or did to you." Okay, pregnancy is going to be obvious at some point, and this sentiment is not a support of abortion. To apply this one, let's instead focus on perhaps not complaining to everyone about how much your daughter embarrassed you, hurt you, angered you, or shamed you. How about not complaining to everyone about your daughter's character, or the character of the baby's father? If you really need to vent your frustrations, pick a mature, trustworthy person such as a counselor or pastor who will not gossip about what you share.

2. "Do not allow anyone to be afraid of you or intimidated by you." Is your anger at your daughter a scary thing? Was she afraid to tell you she was pregnant because she guessed your reaction would be intimidating? Do you need to apologize to her for the way you've acted since discovering her pregnancy?

3. "Allow them to forgive themselves and not feel guilty." Your daughter may feel guilty about her sexual activity. If she willingly participated, this guilt could be the Holy Spirit prompting her that she has sinned and needs to confess. Once she has repented and asked forgiveness, guilty feelings may be unhealthy (meaning that they are no longer pointing out the need for confession). Corrie ten Boom used to talk about God's forgiveness by saying that He placed our sins at the bottom of the ocean and then put up a buoy with a sign that says "No Fishing." If your daughter has repented, don't keep bringing up her sin. Don't fish. Leave it alone.

4. "Let them save face." Ask your daughter what this would mean to her. Does it mean that she wants to tell people about the pregnancy instead of you doing it? Or does it mean she wants you to tell people instead of her doing it? Does it mean she would like to live with a relative during the pregnancy? What would 'saving face' mean to her in this situation? Are any of her ideas for this realistic possibilities? If they are possible, pray and talk about making them happen.

5. "Protect them from their darkest secret and greatest fear." Talk with your daughter about this. What is her greatest fear about being single and pregnant? What is her darkest secret about this pregnancy? Brainstorm together about what kind of protection can be offered. For example, if she is in an abusive relationship is she afraid for her safety and the safety of her baby?

6. "It is a lifelong commitment." Forgiving your daughter for a particular thing may take a lifetime of upkeep on your part. You may have unforgiving thoughts and feelings resurface that you must choose to deal with again. You may have to repeatedly choose not to "fish" around and bring up her past sins that you say you have forgiven. Perhaps she will make the same mistake again in the future and you will have to choose whether or not to berate her for her past mistakes again.

7. "Pray for them to be blessed." When you are in the midst of anger and pain, this kind of prayer can seem impossible. You may not feel like your daughter deserves blessing because of the things she has chosen to do. You certainly do not have to pray that her sin be blessed, because sin cannot be blessed. However, the consequences of sin can prompt someone to repent and turn their life around. This in itself may be a blessing to the person whose life is changed. Repentance and a changed life can open the door to other blessings, and that is hopefully something you can pray for your daughter to receive.

Forgiving your pregnant single daughter does not mean you must approve of her willing participation in sexual activity outside of marriage. You can love your daughter and hate her actions. Forgiving your daughter does not mean you must excuse her willing participation in sexual activity outside of marriage. Forgiving your pregnant single daughter does not mean you must pardon her willing actions: there may be consequences she needs to face, possibly even punishments depending on the situation. Forgiving your pregnant single daughter does not mean you must reconcile your relationship with her. For reconciliation to occur, you both have to be trustworthy people. You can forgive her even if she is not yet trustworthy for a relationship.

For more about forgiveness when your single daughter is pregnant, read the chapters in our book ("How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy") titled "Forgiving the Baby's Father," "Forgiving The Young Man's Parents," "Forgiving Myself," "Forgiving My Daughter," and "Forgiving Unkind Acquaintances."

12 Key Guidelines for Making Decisions

There are soooo many decisions a pregnant Christian single must make, and her choices affect so many people: herself, her child, her family, the baby's father, his family, friends, the Church. As the parents of a pregnant Christian single, you face many decisions too. We like the guidelines for making decisions that are below. We received them on the back of a photocopy of an article, so they might be attributable to Gary R. Collins and his article "Making Difficult Decisions" which was produced by the American Association of Christian Counselors. As you all evaluate the many pregnancy related questions you face, make a conscious effort to use these guidelines in addition to prayer and wise counsel.

12 Key Guidelines for Making A Decision:
1. Does the Bible specifically speak about this? (1 John 2:3-5; John 14:21)
2. How will what I'm doing influcence non-Christians? (Luke 12:8)
3. Will my behavior cause others to stumble? (Romans 14:21; 1 Corinthians 8:9)
4. Will the behavior harm my body? (1 Corinthians 3:17; 1 Corinthians 8:9)
5. Will the behavior hurt my mind? (Philippians 4:8)
6. Is it good stewardship of God's time and money? (1 Corinthians 4:2)
7. Will it help me to serve others? (1 Corinthians 9:19; 1 Corinthians 10:23-24)
8. Is it worth imitating? (1 Corinthians 11:1; Philippians 4:9)
9. Can I do it for the glory of God? (1 Corinthians 10:31; Philippians 1:20)
10. Would Jesus Christ want me to do it? (1 Peter 2:21)
11. Will it master (control) me? (1 Corinthians 6:12)
12. Is it best? (Romans 12:1-2)

Secrets

By blogging about alternative living arrangements such as maternity homes, and about adoption, we've touched painful places in people's lives. A Christian pregnant single faces difficult decisions no matter what she chooses: being a single mother can be difficult (see here, here, here, and here for example to see what challenges the single mother and child will need to solve), being married can be difficult (what relationship on earth does NOT have its ups and downs??), having an abortion can be difficult (see here, here and here), and making an adoption plan can be difficult. There are no easy paths, and these decisions affect not only the future physical, emotional and spiritual health of the woman and her child but also the baby's father, her family and the family of the baby's father. No decision should be made casually or quickly..they all require research, prayer, Godly input from outside sources, and time to think the decision over carefully.

Here are bits of the emails we got recently that we'd like to respond to.

As a Christian myself I was always raised with the belief that children were blessings from God. Certainly it was considered a sin to have sex outside of marriage, but that child was not the sin, simply the mother's actions. Certainly I'm not an adovcate of running around getting pregnant without being married, however it concerns me that you are encouraging parents (of WOMEN 25 and under...well above the legal minor age of 18), to continue to judge their daughters if they get pregnant.

We absolutely agree that children are a blessing from God. Psalm 127:3 is very clear about children, "Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him." Psalm 139 also discusses the wonder of children: "13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. 14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous – and how well I know it. 15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. 16 You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. " (NLT)

In this previous post (and this one, among others) we also agree that we should not love the sin, but should love the sinner. With social researchers and commentators saying that adolesence now persists into the mid 20s or even 30s (here and here, for example), with more and more college graduates (up to 50%) moving back in with their parents, with age 25 being the average age of marriage for women in America currently, parents of both teens and 20-somethings may find themselves with a pregnant single under their roof. Should these Christian parents be judging their daughters? (Matthew 7:1, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged." and Luke 6:37, "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.") So no, judging is not appropriate as Christians. But parents do have to evaluate actions and consequences as with any other situation (Proverbs 10:17; Hebrews 12:7-8; Hebrews 12:11; Revelation 3:19; and others). Christian families with pregnant singles do exist and some of them do desire advice from a Christian perspective. These are the families we're attempting to reach out to.

It seems as if your blog is promoting shame and secrecy, much like eras past where women were sent to maternity homes to hide their unwed pregnancies.

We definitely do not want to promote secrecy! Consider, though, that there are many reasons for a pregnant woman to live at a maternity home besides secrecy! Sometimes the pregnant woman is homeless for various reasons. Sometimes she needs to escape from damaging relationships. Sometimes she desires the in-depth counseling, education classes and skill building classes that many maternity homes offer. Sometimes she wants to live with other pregnant women so that she doesn't feel alone in her situation. Most maternity homes interview the pregnant woman...if she doesn't want to be there, they probably won't accept her into their program. Most maternity homes have waiting lists of women that actively want to be there and they will not allocate a bed to those who do not want the program they offer. As we mention in our post about maternity homes, "forcing" someone to live there makes many more long-term problems than it may solve short term.

Both the pregnant woman and her parents need to think and pray a lot about any decision about the preborn child where the main motivation is secrecy. In our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy," we talk several times about the fact that secrecy can be very damaging emotionally and spiritually. Two chapters, "Trying to Hide", and "Sharing with Family and Friends" in particular deal with this topic.

Thank you for reading our blog, we welcome your feedback!

Benefits of Delaying Sexual Debut - Executive Summary

Obviously if your daughter is pregnant, she has engaged in sexual activity (whether she desired to be or not). But past sexual activity does not mean she has to continue to be sexually active. She can choose sexual integrity for her future actions. Sexual integrity encompasses much more than abstaining from sex outside of marriage. Sexual integrity also includes being faithful to her future spouse inside of marriage (both physically and mentally), staying away from things that can damage her sexuality and self-worth (like pornography, internet flirting, phone sex, internet sex, etc.), and practicing self control so that she is able to be pure at times when her future husband is sick or deployed or on business travel. Here is a recent press release (from the Institute for Youth Development) and Executive Summary of a review of medical literature reporting results from studies which show the benefits of waiting for sex until marriage.

Scientific Evidence Supports Sexual Abstinence as the Best Choice for Prevention

Review Emphasizes the Benefits of Delaying Sexual Debut for Youth

Washington, DC (May 30, 2008) With all of the sexually permissive messages aimed at today’s adolescents from the mass media, America’s parents have made it clear that they desire a strong abstinence message for their children’s reproductive health education. “When scientific evidence continues to reveal that sexual abstinence provides youth with the best physical, psychological, social, and financial health, it’s hard to disagree with the vast majority of parents,” said Shepherd Smith, President of the Institute for Youth Development. “Research shows us when teenagers delay sexual initiation they have better life outcomes. From academic achievement to healthy relationships, the data is clear: Abstinence is the best choice for youth.”

Christopher Doyle, Behavioral Research Analyst with the Institute for Youth Development and author of the Benefits of Delaying Sexual Debut, presents a compelling argument in this comprehensive review of scientific and medical research. “It presents a convincing argument for postponing sex, while encompassing some of the theories that have not received enough attention in the abstinence community, such as adolescent brain development and its consequences for decision making, society’s inconsistent messages on sexuality and how it affects teens’ behavior, the research behind self-control, and the importance of healthy relationships for successful marriage and well-being,” said Smith. “This comprehensive overview will undoubtedly benefit all those who work in the field of youth development.”

Here is the Executive Summary.
Today’s adolescents have an array of challenges before them that previous generations never faced. Fifty years ago, there were only a handful of STIs; today, sexually active teens are at risk for acquiring over two dozen. At the same time, the age at first marriage has steadily risen by 20-25 percent, cohabitations have increased 6.5 times, and sex before wedlock has become the norm, not the exception. If that’s not enough, combine the 24 hour media circus with a billion dollar internet pornography industry, Victoria’s Secret at every shopping mall, and Hollywood’s sex-saturated messages broadcast in your living room, and you have a sex-on-demand culture being digested by our children every day.

As this review of literature shows, the range of benefits that postponing sex offers young people is scientifically proven, but in order for adolescents to embrace this message, these concepts need to be communicated effectively and often within public education. Surveys indicate that parents desire an abstinence message for their children; however, U.S. culture is simply not reinforcing this value, making it difficult for youth to understand the reasons why they should wait for sex. Thus, educational strategies should focus on the following conclusions that can be drawn from the benefits of delaying sexual debut.

Premarital sex has a negative impact on the physical health of adolescents, and typically hurts girls more than boys. Although sexually active young men are at risk to acquire STIs, females (especially younger girls) are more vulnerable to these infections because of their biological makeup. Girls are also more likely to suffer physical abuse in sexual relationships, and research indicates that adolescent females have a higher probability of contracting an STI when their romantic partner is substantially older. Typically, girls do not report using condoms as consistently as boys; and neither gender’s brain is developed enough to make reasoned, future- oriented decisions about contraception. Girls also tend to pay a much higher price than boys when it comes to teenage pregnancy, as they are often left to carry and raise the child on their own.

Some of these physical consequences may also play a role in the psychological health outcomes of sexually active youth. For example, adolescent girls who are abandoned by their boyfriend after learning of a pregnancy may become depressed with the prospect of raising a child alone. Women also tend to make more of an emotional investment in romantic relationships, which could lead them down the path of seeking love through sex; this in turn may result in the vicious cycle of repetition/compulsion. On the other hand, boys typically suffer psychological symptoms only when combining sexual activity with other high risk behaviors, such as drug and alcohol use; and both genders are more likely to think about and commit suicide if they have initiated sex, especially those at a young age. However, if young people wait to have sex until marriage, they avoid these risks, and stand to benefit from the social and financial advantages that abstinence offers.

One of the best social outcomes that results from abstinence is the occurrence of healthy relationships. When adolescents choose to wait, they avoid premarital sexual bonds with other partners. This in turn makes them far less likely to get involved in cohabitations, which is a major risk factor for future marital infidelity and divorce. Healthy marriages also benefit the well-being of each spouse (especially men), and provide a nurturing environment for children.

Another social benefit that stems from abstinence is increased financial stability. When adolescents avoid childbearing outside of marriage, they are able to focus their attention on educational pursuits and future careers, without having to sacrifice the time and money that a family demands. Although research has not demonstrated a clear causal relationship between early sex and delinquency, many studies show that when teenagers abstain, they are less likely to get enmeshed in a problem behavior syndrome that includes poor academic performance, substance use, and other risk behaviors. It may very well be that abstinence acts as a protective barrier, insulating teenagers from an array of harmful behaviors that have the potential to create future problems.

Although the data is not clear for every single outcome, research does demonstrate that delaying sexual debut has a significant impact on the physical, psychological, financial, and social health of young people. Parents and policy makers alike should continue to embrace abstinence as a primary message for sexual education, develop strategies based upon the existing data, while building upon new research that continues to evolve in adolescent sexual health.
--End of Executive Summary--

Read the entire review of literature HERE. (PDF file, Adobe Acrobat Reader required). I urge you to read this literature review and talk to your children about the research:

• Has your daughter suffered physical abuse at the hands of her romantic partners?
  
• Has your daughter been abandoned by the baby's father? If so, does the thought of raising her child alone make her feel depressed?
  
• How much of an emotional investment does she feel she makes in her romantic relationships? Does she feel she could be seeking love through sex?
  
• Has she combined sexual activity with other high risk behaviors, such as drug and alcohol use?
• Was she the person who initiated sex? How old was she at her first sexual encounter? Has she felt guilt about her sexual activity? Has she thought about suicide?
• What are her hopes and dreams about marriage?
• Does she feel she has emotional bonds to her sexual partners? If so, what impact does she imagine that will have on her future marriage?
• What are her thoughts and feelings about cohabitation, which is a major risk factor for future marital infidelity and divorce?

Facts on Teen Abortion Risks

It may seem that a quick solution to your single daughter's pregnancy is a quiet abortion. But there are some long-term risks you need to talk about. Ask your daughter if she has had an abortion in her past. If so, talk to her about these risks...does she need counseling to help her recovery from the abortion trauma? The following list of risks to teens was published by The Elliot Institute:

• Teenagers are 6 times more likely to attempt suicide if they have had an abortion in the last six months than are teens who have not had an abortion.[1]
  
• Teens who abort are up to 4 times more likely to commit suicide than adults who abort,[2] and a history of abortion is likely to be associated with adolescent suicidal thinking.[1]
  
• Teens who abort are more likely to develop psychological problems,[3] and are nearly three times more likely to be admitted to mental health hospitals than teens in general.[4]
  
• About 40% of teen abortions take place with no parental involvement,[5] leaving parents in the dark about subsequent emotional or physical problems.
  
• Teens are 5 times more likely to seek subsequent help for psychological and emotional problems compared to their peers who carry “unwanted pregnancies” to term.[6]
  
• Teens are 3 times more likely to report subsequent trouble sleeping, and nine times more likely to report subsequent marijuana use after abortion.[6]
  
• Among studies comparing abortion vs. carrying to term, worse outcomes are associated with abortion, even when the pregnancy is unplanned.[6]
  

For more facts on teens and abortion, click here (Adobe Reader required).

Citations

1. B. Garfinkel, et al., “Stress, Depression and Suicide: A Study of Adolescents in Minnesota ,” Responding to High Risk Youth (University of Minnesota: Minnesota Extension Service, 1986)
2. M. Gissler, et. al., “Suicides After Pregnancy in Finland : 1987-94: register linkage study,” British Medical Journal, 313: 1431-1434, 1996; and N. Campbell , et. al., “Abortion in Adolescence,” Adolescence, 23:813-823, 1988.
3. W. Franz & D. Reardon, “Differential Impact of Abortion on adolescents and adults,” Adolescence, 27 (105), 172, 1992.
4. R. Somers, “Risk of Admission to Psychiatric Institutions Among Danish Women Who Experienced Induced Abortion: An Analysis Based on National Report Linkage” (Ph.D. Dissertation, Los Angeles: University of California, 1979, Disseration Abstracts International, Public Health 2621-B, Order No. 7926066)
5. “Teenage Pregnancy: Overall Trends and State-by-State Information,” Report by the Alan Guttmacher Institute, Washington , DC .
6. PK Coleman, “Resolution of Unwanted Pregnancy During Adolescence Through Abortion Versus Childbirth: Individual and Family Predictors and Psychological Consequences,” (2006).

A Generation at Risk

How Teens Are Coerced and Manipulated Into Abortion

by Amy Sobie & David C. Reardon

Editor's Note: The following article is excerpted from the Jan.-March 2000 issue of The Post-Abortion Review.

Gaylene was 14 when she became pregnant. Too embarrassed to go directly to her parents, she turned to her high school guidance counselor for advice. She writes:

[The school counselor] was sympathetic and understanding. He felt there was no need to worry my family. He also explained about having a child, how tough it would be on me and that I wouldn’t be able to do what I wanted to do. He said that the child would suffer because I was much too young to be a parent. He pointed out that the best thing for me to do was to abort the fetus at this stage so no one would be hurt. No mention was made of talking to my parents about this or carrying the baby to term. He indicated that adoption would be difficult and not an option for me.

. . . I felt as though I had no control over what was happening to me. I started to question what I was doing, but in my logic I’d refer back to what the counselor had told me, and then I would think he was right. But still today, I feel like I did not decide to have the abortion.¹

Gaylene’s traumatic reaction to her abortion experience included suicide attempts, alcoholism, drugs, crime, involvement in a cult and a major break with her family.

Sadly, Gaylene’s story is not unique. For teens, the possibility of developing psychological and emotional problems after abortion is substantially higher than for more mature women.² One reason that teenagers are more vulnerable is because their psychological defense mechanisms are not fully developed. Their emotional immaturity leaves them more susceptible to events and circumstances that can profoundly damage their view of the world, other people, and themselves. Consequently, abortion can be especially harmful for teens because this major, traumatic experience occurs at a critical time in the development of their self-identity.³

Researchers have found that teenagers who have abortions face a number of higher risks. For example, teens are more likely to feel pressured into abortion, to report being misinformed in pre-abortion counseling and to experience more severe psychological stress after abortion.⁴ They are also more likely to experience more intense feelings of guilt, depression and isolation after an abortion.⁵ In addition, while suicidal tendencies are higher for all women after abortion, teens are at an even greater risk for post-abortion suicide.⁶

Further, a study of teens with "unwanted" pregnancies found that teens who aborted were more likely to have subsequent trouble sleeping, to report using marijuana after abortion and to undergo treatment for psychological and emotional problems compared to those who carried to term.⁷

Deception and Misinformation

Many teens are simply not mature enough to understand the information they need to make such a life-impacting choice. As a result, in many cases they are not able to freely consent to an abortion.

Even some pro-abortion groups have acknowledged that teenagers need extra guidance when it comes to abortion. For example, a Planned Parenthood counseling guide stated that teenagers have few or limited problem solving skills; are more likely than adults to lack responsibility; are more vulnerable; are more anxious and distrustful; are lacking in knowledge; and have difficulty in communicating. As a result, “counselors need to be aware of and appreciate the fact that pregnancy counseling with teenagers can be very different from counseling adults . . . pregnancy counseling with teens is often a crisis situation.”⁸

Unfortunately, while Planned Parenthood counselors recognize the vulnerability of teens, they oppose laws that would give the parents of teens the opportunity to help them understand the risks of and alternatives to abortion. For counselors who seek to promote abortion as the best or even only solution, keeping teens away from loved ones who would counsel against abortion is an important part of maximizing their own influence.

This is why so many teens feel under such immense pressure to abort. Over and over, women who had abortion as teenagers use phrases like the following to explain how they ended up having an unwanted abortion.

My school counselor (Planned Parenthood counselor, teacher, pastor, boyfriend’s mom, etc.) told me that if I didn’t want my parents to find out, I would have to have an abortion . . .

My boyfriend threatened me if I didn’t abort.

Everyone told me I was too young to have a baby and that my only alternative was abortion.

Pressure to abort can also include coercion, emotional blackmail and violence from a sexual predator or even parents who want to make sure their daughter has an abortion.⁹

In addition, a secret abortion always disrupts family relationships. To protect their secret, teenagers must be constantly on the alert against any evidence or mood that may invite unwanted questions. They must hide feelings of depression, sadness, and even thoughts of suicide that might otherwise alert their parents to the problem. If they cannot repress these feelings, the source must remain hidden or their emotions transformed into anger and rebellion. This overarching need for secrecy accentuates their feelings of shame and will often lead to withdrawal from family intimacy and excursions into drugs, alcohol and destructive relationships.

Any of these problems can dramatically exacerbate normal family tensions. Kept in the dark, parents cannot know that their child is struggling to cope with his or her abortion experience. With no frame of reference for understanding their child’s disturbed behavior, parents are likely to become increasingly frustrated at being held at a distance. In turn, the parents’ frustrations are likely to fuel the distrust or rebellious nature of the teen because they “simply don’t understand” what he or she is going through.

Targeting Teens

Unfortunately school counselors, social workers and others in positions of authority can exert tremendous influence over a vulnerable teenager, steering and even coercing her into an unwanted abortion.

For example, William Hickey, a high school guidance counselor in Hatboro , Pennsylvania , was sued by the parents of a 16-year-old girl for circumventing the state’s parental consent law by arranging for the teen to have a secret abortion in New Jersey . The girl’s parents, Howard and Marie Carter, subsequently filed a lawsuit against Hickey and the Hatboro-Horsham school district, charging that Hickey pressured their daughter to have an abortion despite her expressed doubts and beliefs against abortion.

The Carters said that Hickey “engaged in a course of conduct which was inherently coercive, was intended to and did exert undue influence upon [a minor], and ensured that she refrain from discussing with her parents her pregnancy and whether to obtain an abortion.” They said that when their daughter told Hickey she had doubts about undergoing an abortion, he told her, “Someday you’ll look back on this and laugh.”

The lawsuit also stated that school officials refused to cooperate when asked to investigate the situation. Instead, the Carters say they were told that the school district “has deep pockets” to defend itself from a lawsuit. The case was eventually settled out of court.⁹

Other examples of manipulation and coercion abound. In 2002, a judge found Planned Parenthood negligent for failing to report the case of an abortion performed on a 13-year-old girl who was being sexually abused by her foster brother. The 23-year-old man took the girl to a Planned Parenthood abortion clinic in 1998, but Planned Parenthood did not notify authorities until the girl returned six months later for a second abortion. A lawsuit alleged that the girl was subjected to repeated abuse and a second abortion because Planned Parenthood failed to notify authorities of possible abuse when she had her first abortion. Her abuser was sentenced to five years in prison and lifetime probation.¹⁰

Conclusion

Unfortunately, there are few safeguards currently in place to protect teenagers from coerced abortions. As we pointed out in a previous issue, in states where parental consent is needed for an abortion, the judicial bypass system is seriously flawed.

Without a mechanism to provide for cross-examination of witnesses and the introduction of witnesses who would testify that the abortion is not in the girl’s best interests, how can judges make an informed decision? How can we be sure that the adults seeking permission for the young girl to abort without notifying her parents are not themselves manipulating or pressuring the girl to choose abortion?

In addition, as the Carter case discussed above demonstrates, even in states that require parental consent, it is all too easy for those pushing abortion to simply transport the girl across the state line. The Child Custody Protection Act would make it a federal crime for anyone except a parent or legal guardian to take a girl out of state for an abortion in order to avoid involvement in the situation by the girl’s parents.

Even this will only protect a few teens, however. Sadly, in many cases it is the parents who are pressuring or coercing their teenage daughters into abortion. Planned Parenthood, however, is remarkably silent regarding the problem of protecting teens from pressure or manipulation by parents who favor abortion. The only way to protect these teens is to pass laws that will make abortionists liable for failing to protect women, especially teens, from coerced abortions.

~~~

Originally published in The Post-Abortion Review 8(1) Winter 2000. Copyright 2000 Elliot Institute.

Citations

1. Reardon, D., Aborted Women, Silent No More ( Springfield , IL : Acorn Books, 2002) 37-38.
2. Rue, V. & Speckhard, A, “Post Abortion Trauma: Incidence & Diagnostic Considerations,” Medicine & Mind, 6: 57-75 (1991).
3. Deutsch, M., “Personality Factors, Self-Concept, and Family Variables Related to First Time and Repeat Abortion-Seeking Behavior in Adolescent Women.” Unpublished Doctoral Dissertation, Washington , D.C. : American University , 1982.
4. Franz, W. & Reardon, D., “Differential Impact of Abortion on Adolescents & Adults,” Adolescence, 27(105):162-172.
5. Biro, F., Wildey, L., Hillard, P., & Rauh, J., “Acute and Long-Term Consequences of Adolescents Who Choose Abortions,” Pediatric Annals, 15(10):667-672 (1986).
6. Mika Gissler, Elina Hemminki, Jouko Lonnqvist, "Suicides after pregnancy in Finland : 1987-94: register linkage study," British Medical Journal 313:14314, 1996; Campbell, N., Franco, K. & Jurs, S., “Abortion in Adolescence,” Adolescence, 23:813-823 (1988).
7. PK Coleman, “Resolution of Unwanted Pregnancy During Adolescence Through Abortion Versus Childbirth: Individual and Family Predictors and Psychological Consequences,” (2006).

8. Saltzman, L. & Policar, M., The Complete Guide to Pregnancy Testing and Counseling (Alameda, CA: Planned Parenthood, 1985) 113-114.

9. For more examples, see the book Giving Sorrow Words.
9. "Settlement announced in Pennsylvania Teen Abortion Case," press release from the American Center for Law & Justice, March 15, 2000.

10. "Planned Parenthood Found Negligent in Reporting Molested Teen's Abortion," Pro-Life Infonet, Dec. 26, 2002.

Rebekah's Story

This is the real story of a young woman named Rebekah who was single and pregnant.

I am a living example of how being a born again Christian does not shield you from Satan’s power, if you do not walk with the Lord. My dad was a missionary pilot in the Philippines. I am a Bible college graduate. I was saved when I was 15 years old.

Yet a few years after graduating from college, I was in a good job, driving a nice sports car and had lost sight of God in the midst of my success. I became a very lonely person, spending my time looking for happiness in other areas of my life … partying, excessive drinking, sexual impurity, and looking for fulfillment with the wrong kind of men. Two years ago, after a long series of selfish choices, I had reached a point in a “roller coaster” of life where everything I had ever believed was challenged, and I made the wrong choice – I was pregnant and I chose to have an abortion rather than ruin my career or let my parents find out about my lifestyle.

For the next several months, I struggled alone with deep depression, suicidal thoughts, anger and the guilt and shame of what I had done. I had shattered my family’s trust in me, emerged from a destructive relationship barely intact and was so absolutely overwhelmed by my sins that I spent nights crying in despair, wondering how I had reached this point in my life and how God could ever love me back to Himself. 1 John 3:9 says that no one born of God can live at peace with sin and God finally had my attention. After a couple of months, I knew I could not do it alone anymore. I finally took the painful steps of telling my family what I had done and asking for their forgiveness. I also began attending a post-abortion Bible study at Assist Pregnancy Center and after many months of prayer and working through my grief, began to understand the depth of God’s love and forgiveness. What impacted me through the Bible study at that time was this:

• I was encouraged to talk about my abortion experience and feelings without fear of judgment, was listened to and encouraged by other women in the course, and was reminded of God’s promises in Scripture.
• I was able to identify why I was feeling the emotions I was experiencing and began the slow process of working through them – unprovoked anger, bitterness, moments of denial, and overwhelming grief.
• I learned to identify the emotional triggers that prevented my healing.
• I learned how easily we buy into the world’s lies – how so many are told that abortion is an “easy solution,” “it’s the best decision for this time in your life”, “it’s over and done with” or “what will your parents think”.
• I learned how sexual immorality leads to a bondage of sexual ties in bad relationships, how to break those ties and repair the sexual damage I had done to my heart and soul.

Although the healing process takes a long time, I was emotionally better equipped to face my daily challenges at the end of our eight week course. I knew I could call on anyone at Assist for additional guidance or a hug anytime I needed it. Everything that happens, happens for a reason and God can work everything together for His purpose. I am now back in church, deeply involved with my small groups and growing again in my faith. It’s amazing to see how God brings opportunities for me to share my life experiences with others to be an encouragement. I am joyful, knowing that God will use my past and my story to help others understand His undeserved grace and unconditional love.

In our book, "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy: Practical Advice for Parents of A Pregnant Christian Single," we share at least one true story in every chapter. You are not alone, and reading the stories of others who have been where you are is such a comfort!

Call 800-395-HELP to find a pregnancy resource center near you that can come alongside your family to support you all. Talk to your daughter about the pain that secrets can cause. Talk to her about how you may be hurt or angry when a secret such as a pregnancy or an abortion is revealed but that you love her and you don't want any secrets poisoning your relationship.

Why? Why? Why?!

Little children are not the only ones who constantly ask "Why?" The number one search phrase leading to this blog is also "Why", and it's also a question that haunts parents as they try to make sense of their single daughter's pregnancy.

The question is phrased lots of different ways (as taken from our stat logs):

• Why teens get pregnant
• W