Teen pregnancy, poverty, and unfinished education

The January 2010 policy brief from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy is on the topic of the link between teen pregnancy and poverty.

Talk to your kids about these statistics:

1) "A child’s chance of growing up in poverty is nine times greater if the mother gave birth as a teen, if the parents were unmarried when the child was born, and if the mother did not receive a high school diploma than if none of these circumstances are present." Is your pregnant daughter a teen? How will she avoid poverty while raising her child? Would adoption provide a better financial situation for her child and for herself? Has your pregnant daughter finished her high school diploma? Will she be able to do so before giving birth? If not, what are her plans to finish high school in a timely manner? Does your pregnant daughter plan to marry the baby's father before the child is born? If not, what are their plans for the future of their relationship?

2) "Almost one-half of all teen mothers and over three-quarters of unmarried teen mothers began receiving welfare within five years of the birth of their first child." Note that this statistic shows that married teen mothers have a little more finances than unmarried teen mothers. Would the father of your daughter's child make a resonable marriage partner? Why or why not?

3) "Some 52% of all mothers on welfare had their first child as a teenager." If your pregnant daughter is a teenager, what are her plans to avoid sexual activity until she is married in the future? Would making an adoption plan for her child help her and her child to avoid being on welfare?

4) "Early and unplanned pregnancy often derails educational attainment, which is crucial to succeeding in the 21st century economy and qualifying for a well-paying job. Only 40% of mothers who have children before age 18 ever graduate from high school compared
with about three-quarters of similarly situated young women who delay childbearing until age 20 or 21. Furthermore, less than 2% of mothers who have children before age 18 complete college by the age of 30 compared to 9% of young women who wait until age 20 or 21 to have children." Does your pregnant daughter hope to go to college? What are her career goals? What are her plans on how to finish high school and/or college? Would an adoption plan help her to achieve her educational and career goals?

5) "Community colleges play a key role in improving economic mobility, especially for low-income students. However, 61% of women who have children after enrolling in community college fail to finish their degree, which is 65% higher than the rate for those who didn’t have children." If your pregnant daughter is in community college now, what is her plan on how she will finish her degree? Would an adoption plan help her finish her education?

6) "Three-quarters of the recent increase in the teen birth rate is attributed to older teens ages 18 and 19." Even though pregnant women this age are called teenagers, they are no longer minors... they are young adults! Many of these teens are in college, not high school, when they get pregnant. What plans does your daughter have to finish her college degree now that she is pregnant? Talk to your younger kids about delaying sexual activity until they are married, so that they are free to focus on education and career without the detour of pregnancy and the choices of parenting and adoption.

You might find it helpful to read the chapters titled "Completing School", "Should They Marry?", "Should She Make An Adoption Plan?" and "Should She Parent Alone?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".

Review: Guys are Waffles, Girls are Spaghetti

"Guys are Waffles, Girls are Spahetti" by Chad Eastham with Bill & Pam Farrel

This book is written in a very casual conversation style, aimed at young to mid teens. Boys might enjoy it more than girls because of the examples Chad gives from his own life about how he was an awkward teen. The text may seem rambling to adults, but perhaps this style will appeal to teens because it won't feel like a lecture.

The goal of the book is to discuss gender differences and realtionships. Chad gives a short explanation of brain anatomy and the main analogy that guy are waffles (they compartmentalize) while girls are spaghetti (everything can be interconnected). He also discusses sexting, learning listening skills, and dating.

Chad talks about the various reasons that some people date:

• The rebel dater who simply wants to show independence and gain freedom.
• "Dating for a daddy"...girls that are looking for love to replace the love they are not getting from their fathers. This may be especially true in single parent families.
• Serial dating... constantly jumping from relationship to relationship because the person feels they can't be alone.
• "Missionary dating" ..."This term describes people who date others with very different religious and social viewpoints from their own with the hope of 'converting' them."

Near the end of the book, Chad talks about sex. He reminds readers that guys and girls have sex for different reasons: guys give love in order to get sex, girls give sex in order to get love. Discuss this with your kids.

Talk to your kids about these neat factoids mentioned in the book:

• 96% of high school relationships will not last. Chad discusses the idea that dating in high school should strive not to involve deep committment and romantic emotions (and also be very limited physically) in order to protect yourself from heartbreak (due to the fact that so few of these relationships last). Talk about Chad's question with your kids: "If I were to tell you that you will date someone but that you probably won't marry that person, then what would you do differently in that relationship?" Most girls say they would be less likely to be sexual with their boyfriend.
• "The younger you start dating and the more often you date people, the higher your odds are of experiencing unhealthy relationship habits, negative feelings, depression, a poor self-image, sexual abuse, rape, less relationship satisfaction, and a higher risk of suicide."
• "The average age difference for married couples in the United States is just over two years. The average difference in age between teen girls who get pregnant and the guys who get them pregnant is 6.2 years."

The back of the book has a study guide that has questions that would be great conversation starters.

Attitudes About Marriage

A Child Trends Research Brief from July 2009 was titled "Young Adult Attitudes About Relationships and Marriage: Times May Have Changed, But Expectations Remain High".

This Brief discusses data from a survey of U.S. students who were in 7th-12th grade during the years 1994-1995. This survey was a follow-up, conducted in 2001-2002 and had responses from 11,988 young adults between the ages of 20 and 24.

"The median age at first marriage in 1960 was 20 for women, by 2006, the median age had risen to 26. Men marry later than do women, with a median first marriage age of 23 in 1960 and 28 in 2006."

"83% of unmarried respondents reported that they thought it was important or very important to be married someday, compared with 5% who considered it unimportant and 12% who felt it was only somewhat important."

But only 26% of young adults surveyed said that they would like to be married right NOW. 44% of young adults in cohabiting relationships reported that they would currently like to be married.
Talk to your pregnant daughter and your family about these statistics. What are their thoughts about marriage? At what age would they like to be married? Are they currently in a relationship that could lead to marriage? You may find it helpful to read the chapter "Should they marry?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" and discuss it with your pregnant daughter.

8 Myths and Realities About Adoption

November is Adoption Awareness Month. Discuss the following information with your pregnant daughter, even if you and/or she currently are not even considering adoption.

8 Myths and Realities About Adoption, by Adoptive Families Magazine.\

Facts:
As of the 2000 Census, there were 1.5 million children under the age of 18 in America who joined their family through adoption, 2% of all children in the U.S.

In the U.S., there are 5 million people today who were adopted. More than 100,000 children are adopted each year.

94% of all Americans view adoption favorably.

Myth: Birthparents are all troubled teens.
Reality: Most birthparents today are over 18, but lack the resources to care for a child. It is generally with courage and love for their child that they terminate their parental rights.

Myth: Adopted children are more likely to be troubled than birth children.
Reality: Research shows that adoptees are as well-adjusted as their non-adopted peers. There is virtually no difference in psychological functioning between them.

Myth: Open adoption causes problems for children.
Reality: Adoptees are not confused by contact with their birthparents. They benefit from the increased understanding that their birthparents gave them life but their forever families take care of and nurture them.

Myth: Parents can’t love an adopted child as much as they would a biological child.
Reality: Love and attachment are not the result of nor guaranteed by biology. The intensity of bonding and depth of emotion are the same, regardless of how the child joined the family.

Attitudes About Cohabitation

A Child Trends Research Brief from July 2009 was titled "Young Adult Attitudes About Relationships and Marriage: Times May Have Changed, But Expectations Remain High".

This Brief discusses data from a survey of U.S. students who were in 7th-12th grade during the years 1994-1995. This survey was a follow-up, conducted in 2001-2002 and had responses from 11,988 young adults between the ages of 20 and 24.

"According to national estimates, the proportion of women that had cohabited by their late thirties has steadily increased from 30 percent in 1987, to almost 50 percent in 1995, to 61 percent by 2002."

The survey asked the question, "It is all right for an unmarried couple to live together even if they are not interested in considering marriage." 57% of survey respondants agreed with this statement, 19% were neutral, and 24% disagreed. 46% of married young adults agreed, 70% of young adults currently cohabiting agreed, 59% of those in a relationship but not living together agreed, and 60% of those not in any relationship agreed.

Talk to your pregnant daughter and family about these statistics. What are your opinions about marriage and cohabitation? What does your family think and why?

Attitudes About A Successful Relationship

A Child Trends Research Brief from July 2009 was titled "Young Adult Attitudes About Relationships and Marriage: Times May Have Changed, But Expectations Remain High".

This Brief discusses data from a survey of U.S. students who were in 7th-12th grade during the years 1994-1995. This survey was a follow-up, conducted in 2001-2002 and had responses from 11,988 young adults between the ages of 20 and 24.

"The Add Health survey identifies four elements that may serve as barometers of the relationship quality of couples between the ages of 20 and 24: love, fidelity, lifelong commitment, and having enough money. Respondents rated the importance of these elements for a successful relationship using a 1-10 scale in which 1 indicates not important at all and 10 indicates very important."

81% of men and 91% of women responding to the survey agreed that love is a very important component of a successful relationship. Similarly, 85% of men and 93% of women said that being faithful is very important. 72% of men and 82% of women said that making a lifelong committment is very important to a successful relationship. "More than 90% of married respondants said that they regarded love and fidelity as important elements of a relationship."

Only 26% of men and 21% of women said that having enough money is very important to a successful relationship. "Young adults who were cohabiting were somewhat more likely to feel that having enough money was a very important element of a successful relationship." In my experience, not having enough money is a main reason why pregnant couples say they couldn't possibly get married. Maybe money isn't as important to their long-term relationship as they think it is.

Talk to your pregnant daughter and your family about these statistics. How important do they think that love, being faithful, and making a lifelong committment are to a successful relationship?

Types of Young Adult Relationships

A Child Trends Research Brief from July 2009 was titled "Young Adult Attitudes About Relationships and Marriage: Times May Have Changed, But Expectations Remain High".

This Brief discusses data from a survey of U.S. students who were in 7th-12th grade during the years 1994-1995. This survey was a follow-up, conducted in 2001-2002 and had responses from 11,988 young adults between the ages of 20 and 24.

Survey results show that 76% of young adults (ages 20-24) were in a romantic relationship of some sort: 35% said they were dating but not living together, 21% were married, and 20% were cohabitating.

Nearly 90% of the survey respondants said that they had had sexual intercourse at some point. If we subtract the 21% who are married (because I hope they have a healthy sexual relationship!), then 69% of young adults surveyed who are not married have had sex. The Brief says "The vast majority of young adults have had sexual intercourse", referring to the 90% figure, but they are casually including the married young adults in order to make this number look so huge!

Who is the pregnant teen?

Results of new public opinion polling show that 67% of adults believe that most teen mothers are from homes below the federal poverty level. Fully 70% of adults surveyed believe that most teen mothers come from single parents homes.New, first-of-its-kind analysis of existing research conducted for The National Campaign by Child Trends makes clear that both perceptions are incorrect:

Only 28% of those who report having given birth or fathered a child as a teen lived in families with incomes below the federal poverty line.

Seven in ten (72%) lived in families above the federal poverty level (31% at 100-199% of poverty and 41% at 200% or more of poverty).

Just 30% of those who report having given birth to or fathered a child as a teen say said they were living with a single parent.

Four in ten (39%) say they lived with both biological parents and 19% reported living with one biological and one step parent.

Teen Ethics

In October, 2008, the organization "Junior Achievement" conducted a survey of 750 teens aged 12-17. The topic was teen ethics and whether teens felt they were ready to make ethical/moral decisions in the work environment.

46% of the teens said it is sometimes acceptable to lie to parents or guardians. 61% of the teens said they had lied to their parent/guardian in the last 12 months. Why was it acceptable? To cover up a situation, to help a friend, and peer pressure.

54% of the teens consider their parents to be their behavioral role model, but only 21% said they feel they are accountable to their parents for behavior.

An article titled "Ethical Fitness" by Elizabeth Foy Larsen in the October 2009 issue of Family Circle gives some tips:
1) Reinforce family values by having your "kids help you write a list of nonnegotiable values."
2) Sign your child up for a values-based group such as a religious organization.
3) Teach that achievements are earned, that they are not achieved by quick results.

Talk to your daughter about these statistics and tips. Did she lie to you about her sexual activity or the fact that she was pregnant? You may find it helpful to read the chapter "Forgiving my daughter" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy"

Teens with Older Sexual Partners

Child Trends published a fact sheet in April 2008 titled "Long-term consequences for teens with older sexual partners". This research examines whether having sexual intercourse before age 16 with a partner at least three years older was associated with becoming a teen parent or unmarried parent or acquiring a sexually transmitted disease (STD) by young adulthood (post-high school through the early twenties).

Findings:
1) 18% (nearly 1 in 5) middle school and high school girls reported having sex with an partner who who was three or more years older than themselves. Only 4% of boys were in the same position.
2) 55% of girls and 61% of boys reported that they had not yet had sexual intercourse by middle school or high school.
3) Girls who had an older sexual partner were more likely to acquire an STD, and more likely to have had a baby outside marriage by young adulthood.
4) Girls who had sex before age 16 with a partner at least three years older were twice as likely to test positive for an STD in young adulthood.
5) 27% of the girls in the research study reported that they had had at least one nonromantic sexual partner during adolescence.

Talk to your teens and college students about the dangers of dating someone that is more than 3 years older than themselves while they are not yet adults. The maturity and power differences pose serious risks until your children are adults themselves. Read our other blog entries about this topic: "Age differences in dating", "Sexual Behavior in America's Children", and "Teen Dating Abuse".

Sexual behaviors data

The most recent data (which is from year 2002) reports that:

• Among female adolescents aged 15-17 years, 30.0% reported ever having had sex, compared with 70.6% of those aged 18-19 years.
• Among male adolescents aged 15-17 years, 31.6% reported ever having had sex, compared with 64.7% of those aged 18-19 years.
• Among teenagers aged 15-19 years, 13.1% of females and 14.8% of males reported having had sex at age <15>

Talk to your teens and show them that very few minors (people under the age of 18) have had sex. They should not feel pressure from the statement "everyone is doing it" because it simply is not true that minors are all having sex. It also isn't true that "adult" teens are all having sex... about 1 in 3 are not! Ask your kids what they think it means that 65% of boys aged 18-19 have had sex while 71% of girls of the same age have had sex.

• Among females aged 18-24 years, 9.6% who had sex by age 20 years reported having had nonvoluntary first intercourse. Having ever been forced to have intercourse was reported by 14.3% of females aged 18-19 years and 19.1% of females aged 20-24 years.

Ask your daughters if they have ever been forced, coerced, or pressured into having sex. Was their first experience voluntary or involuntary? If your daughter has ever been forced, coerced, or pressured into sex, get her some counseling help to process the thoughts and emotions she has about that experience.

• The majority (58.7%) of females aged 15-19 years reported that their first sex partners were 1-3 years older than they were, and 22.4% reported that their first partners were ≥4 years older than they were.

Has your daughter been exploited by a male who is older than her? Has your minor daughter been having sex with a man who is not a minor?

• Approximately three in 10 female and male adolescents aged 15-19 years reported having had two or more sexual partners.

Ask your kids to figure out how many sexual partners a person might have at the age of 23 if they had 2 partners between the age of 15 and 19. How many might they have had at the age of 27 if that trend continued? What do they think about the possibility of having that many different sexual partners?

Teen Sex: The Parent Factor

An article called "Teen Sex: The Parent Factor" by Christine Kim has some interesting statistics to discuss with your teens. The article has lots of references, so be sure to take a look at it!

• "About 7% of high school students report having had sex before the age of 13." Ask your teen how old they were when they first had sex.
• "By 9th grade, 1/3 of high school students have engaged in sexual activity"
• "By 12th grade, 2/3" of high school students have engaged in sexual activity. Note to your teen that even at the end of high school, NOT everyone has had sex!
• 60% of these teens who have had sex regret their first experience and wish they had waited longer. Ask your teens if they regret their sexual experiences. Do they wish they had waited longer? When would they have considered the ideal time to first have sex? How can they make plans to now abstain from sex until they are married?
• "Those who begin sexual activity at age 13 are twice as likely" get a sexually transmitted disease compared to those who remain sexually abstinent during their teen years. Has your teen been checked for sexually transmitted diseases? Do they know that some STDs may not have symptoms?
• "Nearly 40% of girls who begin sexual activity at ages 13 or 14 will give birth outside marriage, compared to 9% of those who remain abstinent until their early twenties."
• "Among women in their thirties, those who were sexually active during early adolescence are half as likely to be in stable marriages as those who waited until their early twenties to have sex." Is marriage important to your teens? If so, talk to them about waiting to have sex until they are married so that their marriage will have a better chance at success.
• 90% of parents believe they have had a "helpful conversation about delaying sex and avoiding pregnancy" with their teens. But only 71% of teens report having this conversation. Find ways to have small conversations about sex and values often instead of one big talk. Watch for opportunities based on the news, TV shows, music, and other events like prom.
• "In a study of 700 teens in Philadelphia, 58% of teens reported being sexually active, while only 1/3 of their mothers believed they were." Have you directly asked your teens if they are sexually active? What activities do you include in this... for example, many young teens mistakenly believe that oral sex is not sexual activity. So be specific in your questions and conversations!
• "Parental factors that appear to offer strong protection against the onset of early sexual activity include an intact family structure; parents' disapproval of adolescent sex; teens' sense of belonging to and satisfaction with their families; parental monitoring; and, to a lesser extent, parent-child communication about teen sex and its consequences." If your family is not intact (you are a single parent), then you'll have to take extra steps to influence your teens. Have you specifically told your kids that you do not approve of sex outside of marriage? Do you monitor your kids (where they are, what they are doing there, who they are with)? How can you improve your kids' satisfaction with the family?

The article gives a few tips on what parents can do: First, avoid sending ambiguous and mixed messages about teen sex. For example, if you don't approve of teen sex then do not say things such as "Don't have sex, but if you do you should use birth control". This is an ambiguous message. Be specific and direct in your statements, and express your values. Focus your sex talks on morals and values - simply discussing physiology and contraceptives is not enough. Strengthen your relationship with your kids by eating meals together more often, and being present when they listen to music or watch TV so that you can discuss it with them. Know where your kids are when out of school, and have rules about their behavior along with appropriate consequences.

Five Myths on Fathers and Family

The National Review recently ran an article titled "Five Myths on Fathers and Family" by W. Bradford Wilcox (a professor of sociology at the University of Virginia). Here are a few interesting tidbits from that article.

1) The 'Mr. Mom' Surge is a myth. America has 22.5 million married familes with children under the age of 15. Less than 1% of these had a stay-at-home dad in 2008, but 24% had a stay-at-home mom.

What does your single-and-pregnant daughter envision for her role as mother? Does she desire to be a stay-at-home mom?

2) Myth: Women want everything 50/50. While married mothers do want fathers to contribute to housework and childcare, most do not insist on 50/50 because they count his full-time job as a contribution to the household. "A 2007 Pew Research Center study found that only 20% of mothers with children under 18 wanted to work full-time, compared with 72% of fathers with children under 18."

Does your single-and-pregnant daughter desire to work full-time, or would she prefer to work only part-time or not at all? If the baby's father will be involved in raising their child, what expectations does she have about his contributions to childcare and support? Does the baby's father desire to work full time?

3) Myth: Marriage is just a piece of paper. "Experts now estimate that about 40% of American children will spend some time in a cohabiting household, either because they are born into such a household or because one of their parents cohabits after a breakup. ... On average, cohabiting fathers do not compare with married fathers. As Sandra Hofferth of the University of Maryland and Kermyt Anderson of the University of Oklahoma found in a recent study, married fathers are significantly more involved and affectionate with their children than are cohabiting fathers. In fact, from their research, they conclude 'that marriage per se confers advantage in terms of father involvement above and beyond the characteristics of the fathers themselves.' Married fathers are also much more likely than their cohabiting peers to stick around. One recent study by Wendy Manning at Bowling Green State and Pamela Smock at the University of Michigan found that 50% of children born to cohabiting parents saw their parents break up by age five; by comparison, only 15% of children born to married parents saw their parents divorce by age five. Dad is much more likely to stick around if he has a wedding ring on his finger."

Paul Amato's research summarizes results that cohabiting parents tend to "have less education, earn less income, report poorer relationship quality, and experience more mental health problems" than parents who are married.

Talk to your single-and-pregnant daughter about this research. Does she want her child's father to stick around? If so, what is keeping them from getting married?

4) Myth: Divorce doesn't hurt children; single-parenting doesn't hurt children. "According to research by Sara McLanahan of Princeton University and Paul Amato of Penn State, girls whose parents divorce are about twice as likely to drop out of high school, to become pregnant as teenagers, and to suffer from psychological problems such as depression and thoughts of suicide. Girls whose parents divorce are also much more likely to divorce later in life."

In Amato's article in "The Future of Children", he points out that children born to single parents "reach adulthood with less education, earn less income, have lower occupational status, and are more likely to be idle (that is, not employed and not in school), are more likely to have a nonmarital birth (among daughters), have more troubled marriages, experience higher rates of divorce, and report more symptoms of depression" than children raised in a two-parent family.

Sara McLanahan and Gary Sandefur "found that 31% of youth with divorced parents dropped out of high school, compared with 37% of youth born outside marriage," compared to 13% of youth whose parents were continuously married. "Similarly, 33% of daughters with divorced parents had a teen birth, compared to 37% of daughters born outside marriage" and 11% of daughters with continuously married parents. "Other studies that have compared offspring in these two groups yield similar results with respect to occupational attainment, earned income, depression, and the risk of seeing one's own marriage end in divorce."

Does your single-and-pregnant daughter plan to marry the baby's father before the child is born? or at all? A father-figure is very important in the development of children. The statistics above indicate that children with married parents are less likely to have problems. They also indicate that children do a little better in a divorced family than in a single-parent family. What does your daughter think about these statistics? Do they encourage her to get married or to examine an adoption plan so her child can be raised by married parents?

5) Myth: Dads are dispensable. "Children typically do better in an intact, married families with their fathers than they do in families headed by single mothers."

"Fathers bring distinctive talents to the parenting enterprise. The work of psychologist Ross Parke, for instance, indicates that fathers are more likely than mothers to engage their children in vigorous physical play (e.g., roughhousing), to challenge their children — including their daughters — to embrace life’s challenges, and to be firm disciplinarians."

"Not surprisingly, children benefit from being exposed to the distinctive paternal style. Sociologist David Eggebeen has shown, for instance, that teenagers are significantly less likely to suffer from depression and delinquency when they have involved and affectionate fathers, even after controlling for the quality of their relationship with their mother. In his words, “What these analyses clearly show is that mothers and fathers both make vital contributions to adolescent well-being.”"

"Linda Carroll at MSNBC has written an incisive story showing that involved and affectionate fathers play a crucial role in steering their daughters away from early sexual activity; in fact, it turns out that dads are more important than moms in protecting their teenage daughters from early sex."

Who will play the role of father-figure for your daughter's child? If no one is able or willing to make this commitment, she should consider making an adoption plan that involves a married couple.

You may find it helpful to read the chapters "Where does the baby's father belong in all this?", "Should they marry?", "Teen marriage success", "The importance of a father", "Should she parent alone?", "Should we adopt the baby?", and "Should she make an adoption plan" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".

Father facts

Father Facts 5 from the National Fatherhood Initiative lists these items as some relevant facts about the importance of fathers:

In America, 24.35 million children (33.5 percent) live absent their biological father.
Source: Krieder, Rose M. and Jason Fields. Living Arrangements of Children: 2001. Current Population Reports, P70-104. Table 1. Washington, D.C.: US Census Bureau, 2005.

Child Abuse: Using data from 1000 students tracked from seventh or eighth grade in 1988 through high school in 1992, researchers determined that only 3.2 percent of the boys and girls who were raised with both biological parents had a history of maltreatment. However, a full 18.6 percent of those in other family situations had been maltreated.
Source: Smith, Carolyn and Terence P. Thornberry. “The Relationship Between Childhood Maltreatment and Adolescent Involvement inDelinquency.” Criminology, 33 (1995): 451-479.

Poverty: In 1997, 65% of poor children lived in households that did not include their biological fathers, compared to 25% of children who were not poor.
Source: Feeley, Theresa J. “Low Income Noncustodial Fathers: A Child Advocate’s Guide to Helping Them Contribute to the Support of Their Children.” National Association of Child Advocates Issue Brief, National Association of Child Advocates, Washington, D.C., February, 2000.

Education: A study of 1,330 children from the Panel Survey of Income Dynamics showed that fathers who are involved on a personal level with their child’s schooling increases the likelihood of their child’s achievement. When fathers assume a positive role in their child’s education, students feel a positive impact.
Source: McBride, Brent A., Sarah K. Schoppe-Sullivan, and Moon-Ho Ho. “The mediating role of fathers’ school involvement on student achievement.” Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology 26 (2005): 201-216.

Crime: Children raised in single-parent families and surrounded by children of single-parent families at school are at the greatest risk of delinquency.
Source: Anderson, Amy L. “Individual and contextual influences on delinquency: the role of the single-parent family.” Journal of CriminalJustice, 30 (November 2002): 575-587.

Emotional and Behavioral Problems: A study using a nationally representative sample of 6,287 children ages 4-11 years old indicated that children in single-parent homes are more likely to experience emotional problems and use mental health services than children who live with both biological parents.
Source: Angel, Ronald J. and Jacqueline L. Angel. “Physical Comorbidity and Medical Care Use in Children with Emotional Problems.” Public Health Reports 111 (1996): 140-145.

Physical Health: A fathers’ body mass index (a measurement of the relative composition of fat and muscle mass in the human body) is directly related to a child’s activity level. In a study of 259 toddlers, more active children were more likely to have a father with a lower BMI than less active children.
Source: Finn, Kevin, Neil Johannsen, and Bonny Specker. “Factors associated with physical activity in preschool children.” The Journal of Pediatrics 140 (Jaary 2002): 81-85.

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If the baby's father will not be involved in the life of your daughter's child, who will act as father figure for that child? If no one will commit to this role, your daughter should research adoption so that her child can benefit from having a father figure. You may find it helpful to read the chapters "Where does the baby's fahter belong in all this?", "Forgiving the baby's father", "The importance of a father", "Should she parent alone?", and "Should she make an adoption plan?" from our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".

Depression and premature birth

Babies born too early (premature birth), before the 37th week of pregnancy, are at risk for health problems. Researchers do not completely understand why some babies are born too early, but one recent study at the University of Washington indicates that if the the woman was depressed before pregnancy then she might be at risk to give birth too early.

"In the study 18.1 percent of the black women had a preterm birth compared to 8.5 percent of the white women." Researcher Amelia Gavin "believes the higher preterm birth rate among blacks may be the result of declining health over time among black women."

If your pregnant daughter was depressed before she became pregnant, learn with her about preterm labor and talk to her doctor to learn what your daughter can do to take good care of herself during her pregnancy.

Some benefits of adoption

I believe that every unmarried pregnant woman should research adoption in addition to her research on parenting. That way, no matter what she chooses, she can remind herself when things are tough that she carefully looked at all her options. She won't be able to say "I wish someone had told me about _______."

An article from a few years ago, titled "Benefits of Adoption" summarized a few results of a research study by the Search Institute on 700 families, 12-18 years after they adopted a child. Here are some of the results:

• Adopted adolescents’ self-esteem was as high or higher than their peers.
• Adopted adolescents are as deeply attached to their adoptive parents as their siblings who were not adopted.
• 95% of the parents said they had a very strong attachment to their adopted child.
• How many parents were divorced or separated? Only 11%. This compared to 28% of a cross-section nationally.
• 75% of adopted adolescents are psychologically healthy.
• Adopted adolescents report having as much support from family and friends as their non-adopted siblings have.

A different research study compared adopted children to children born out of wedlock and raised by a single mother; children raised by grandparents without their biologic parents; and children who live with both of their biologic parents.

• Adopted children had superior home environments, more so than any of the other groups.
• Adopted children were in better health than children living with unmarried mothers and those living with grandparents.
• Access to medical care for adopted children was similar to children in intact families, and better than the others.
• The numbers of adopted children repeating a grade, being suspended, or being expelled from school were the same as children in intact families, and their records were much better than children living with unmarried mothers or living with grandparents.

These studies indicate that adoption can be very beneficial for the child, perhaps even more beneficial than being raised by a single mom or being raised by the child's grandparents.

Does adoption benefit the birthmother, your pregnant daughter?

There’s a study from Planned Parenthood’s Family Planning Perspectives of 270 unwed mothers. It reported that those young mothers who chose adoption had considerably more favorable social, economic and educational outcomes than did those who chose to parent as single parents.

Comparing the two groups, the study showed that those who chose adoption were:

• More likely to finish vocational training and more likely to have educational aspirations.
• More likely to delay marriage and considerably less likely to have another out-of-wedlock pregnancy.
• More likely to be employed six to twelve months after giving birth and, across the board, almost all had higher household incomes.

Another study at Columbia University of over 400 pregnant teenagers checked them at six months and again at four years after giving birth. Again, those who chose adoption fared much better than single mothers. In this study, mothers who chose adoption were:

• More likely to complete high school;
• more likely to attend college;
• more likely to have higher educational aspirations;
• more likelyto be employed six months and four years after giving birth;
• and more likely to be married.
• They were less likely to be on welfare.
• There were fewer of them who were cohabiting and fewer who had another out-of-wedlock pregnancy.
• Those who chose adoption were more likely to have greater overall satisfaction with their lives, including satisfaction with theirwork, finances and relationship with their partners.
• Finally, mothers who chose adoption were more likely to be optimistic about their own future. And, among this group, there were fewer women sufferingfrom depression.
  

In summary, unwed mothers who carried their babies to term and placed them in loving arms for adoption scored higher, with greater satisfaction and with greater social stability on almost every level, that is, in comparison to the young mothers who kept their babies and proceeded to raise them as single mothers.

Neither adoption nor single parenting are easy! Neither choice always turns out perfectly either. You will rapidly find that everyone has a strong opinion about what road your pregnant daughter should choose. But each option should be researched fully, because each pregnant woman's situation is different. Several times in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy", we ask the parents of the pregnant woman and the woman herself to make comparison lists of the pros and cons of all her options: abortion, adoption, single parenting, and married parenting. As part of your research on these options, you may find it helpful to read the chapters titled "Should they marry?", "Should she parent alone?", "Should we adopt the baby?", and "Should she make an adoption plan?".

The connection between marriage and children

A recent BreakPoint commentary titled "An Unhappy Trend" summarized some recent statistics from the CDC:

• 40% of American babies born in 2007 were born to unmarried mothers.
• Compare this 40% to the statistic for 2002, when 34% of American babies were born to unmarried mothers.
• In 2007, only 23% of out-of-wedlock births were to unmarried teenagers.
• In 2007, 77% of out-of-wedlock births were to women in their 20s and 30s.
• In 2007, 60% of all births to unmarried women were to women in their 20s.
• In 2007, 17% of all births to unmarried women were to women in their 30s.

The commentary looks at how marriage and childbearing have been separated from each other.

Marriage is no longer seen as an institution whose ends have a communal, as well as personal, purpose. Instead, it is an expression of private affection whose ends are almost entirely about personal fulfillment. Thus, getting married is increasingly something you do after the rest of your life is arranged to your satisfaction. You go to school, find a job, get established in your career, and then you think about getting married. As a result, the average age when people first get married has risen by five years since 1970. But while our ideas about marriage have changed, our natures haven’t. One thing that Christians and dyed-in-the-wool Darwinists can agree on is that we are driven to reproduce ourselves. With a few exceptions, no matter how successful we might be, many feel that if we leave no descendants behind, all the striving is beside the point. What’s more, our biology doesn’t care about our sense of personal fulfillment. A woman’s most fertile period is her late teens to early 30s—precisely the time when young people are going to school and getting established in their careers. Thus, the longer we put off marriage, the more difficult it will be to fulfill one of our most fundamental instincts—have a child. Throw in the complications of meeting “Mr. Right,” getting to know him, and deciding that he’s the person you want to marry, and the “ticking clock” begins to sound like Big Ben.
So it seems that more and more women have decided to have children while they still can, regardless of their marital status.

Talk to your single-and-pregnant daughter about these statistics and this commentary. What does she think the purpose of marriage is? How does marriage fit into her plans for the future? What were you raised to believe about the purpose and timing of marriage? How do you feel now that your daughter is pregnant outside of marriage? You may find it helpful to read the chapters titled "Should they get married?", "The importance of a father", and "Single moms and church" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" (which can be helpful even if your single-and-pregnant daughter is not a teenager).

Survey delves into high birth rate for young Latinas

A recent article on CNN was titled "Survey delves into high birth rate for young Latinas" and says that "Latinas now have the highest teen birth rate among all ethnic and racial groups in the United States." The article listed several statistics:

• 53% of Latinas get pregnant in their teens, about twice the national average.
• 84% of Latino teens and 91% of Latino parents believe that graduating from college or having a career is the most important goal for a teen's future.
• "In 2007, the birth rate among non-Hispanic whites ages 15 to 19 was 27.2 per 1,000, and 64.3 per 1,000 for non-Hispanic black teens in the same age range. The teen birth rate among Hispanic teens ages 15 to 19 was 81.7 per 1,000."
• "Of the 759 Latino teens surveyed, 49 percent said their parents most influenced their decisions about sex, compared with 14 percent who cited friends. Three percent cited religious leaders, 2 percent teachers and 2 percent the media."
• "74 percent of Latino teens believe that parents send one message about sex to their sons and a different message altogether to their daughters, possibly related to the Latino value of machismo."
• "72 percent of sexually experienced teens say they wish they had waited."
• "34 percent of Latino teens believe that being a teen parent would prevent them from reaching their goals, but 47 percent say being a teen parent would simply delay them from reaching their goals."
• "76 percent said it is important to be married before starting a family."
• 69% of Latino teen moms drop out of high school.

Talk to your pregnant daughter about these statistics. Does she believe that graduation from college is an important goal for her life? Who does she think most influences her decisions about sex: you (her parents), friends, religious leaders, teachers, or the media? Does she feel that you send her one message about sex but a different message to her brothers? Does she wish she had waited to have sex? Does she think that being a mother will prevent her from reaching her goals, or simply delay her goals?

You may find it helpful to read the chapters "Who is the pregnant single mother?" and "Completing school" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".

Study: 'Friends With Benefits' Sex Common in College

A recent news article about casual sex in college summarizes a research study that was published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior. The research study was conducted by Wayne State University and Michigan State University.

They found that "60% of college students have been in a "friends with benefits" relationship, but that the possibility for romantic feelings — and a lack of communication — can complicate such an arrangement."

Why would college students do this? "The main advantage of such a relationship was "no commitment" (reported by 59.7 percent of participants), which was followed closely by "have sex" (55.6 percent)."

What about consequences? "The biggest reported disadvantage of this recreational sex was the possibility that feelings would develop (65.3 percent). Other worries included "harm friendship" (28.2 percent) and "cause negative emotions" (27.4 percent). Concern over pregnancy and STDs, listed as "negative consequences of sex," came in at only 9.7 percent."

Talk to your pregnant college student. Has she had casual sex with friends? Is this how she became pregnant? Now that she's pregnant, what does she wish she had done differently? How can she abstain from sex in the future until she is married? Talk to your daughter about restoring her sexual integrity. Sexual integrity is more than abstaining from sex until marriage, it is developing healthy attitudes and actions in all areas of human sexuality. We've posted about sexual integrity before. You may also find it helpful to read the chapter titled "Restoring Sexual Integrity" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

Teen Marriage

Pregnancy and teen marriage is in the news again as we hear that Bristol Palin and Levi Johnson have ended their engagement.

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy released a press statement in response. This press statement appears to quote research, but fails to give the sources for the "facts" listed. So they may be true, but there's no way to verify them.

• At the time of their child's birth, more than half of unmarried teen mothers say they are either "certain" or chances are "good" they will marry the biological father of their child. However, 8 out of 10 fathers don't ever marry the teen mother of their child. According to this, 2 out of 10 fathers do indeed marry the teen mother of their child. Since we don't know how many mothers "more than half" is, we still know that not all teen mothers were expecting to marry the father of their baby.
• Despite high expectations for marriage, fewer than 8% of teen mothers marry their baby's father within one year of the birth of their child. It would be interesting to know whether this percentage increases with time. For example, how many teen mothers marry their baby's father within 2 years? or 5 years? What percentage of teen mothers married the baby's father BEFORE the birth of the child?
• Teenagers who have a non-marital birth are also significantly less likely to be married by the age of 35 than those who do not have babies as teens. Wow, we have to go a long way out to get to age 35. How many teens with a non-marital birth are married by the age of 25? or 30?
• It is also the case that most single mothers of all ages who have a child as a result of an unplanned pregnancy remain single and most cohabiting mothers either continue cohabiting or break up with their partner. How many is "most"?? Is that 51%? 99%? Somewhere in between? This type of statistic is practically useless.

Should marriage be encouraged for all teen mothers? Absolutely not. If the father of the baby is not a good person, they should absolutely not get married. If the father of the baby would have made a good husband when there was no pregnancy, then the couple should indeed carefully consider getting married.

Are teen marriages guaranteed to fail? Absolutely not! We wrote about this topic before, but here's some of that material again.

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Health Statistics released a report in December 2005 which was called "Fertility, Family Planning, and Reproductive Health of U.S. Women: Data from the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth."

This statistical report from the government says that for people who marry under the age of 18, that 93% of those marriages are still intact one year later, that 76% are still going 3 years later, that 65% are still working 5 years later, and that 52% are still married after 10 years!

For teens aged 18-19 who get married, 90% are still married a year later, 80% are still married 3 years later, 72% are still married 5 years later, and 61% are still married after 10 years!

So teen marriages are by no means guaranteed to fail.

Even if a teen marriage ends in divorce, "marrying before the birth of a child may lead to greater paternal support, even if the marriage doesn't last. If couples marry, the male partner is likely to be a resident parent and have greater access to the child. Even if the couple eventually divorces, this early contact may lead to greater levels of financial support from the father." (Naomi Seiler, "Is Teen Marriage A Solution?" April 2002. Center for Law and Social Policy.)

ANY marriage, at ANY age needs the same thing: the physical, emotional, and spiritual support of their families. ANY person who marries at ANY age needs to be a responsible, safe partner. This applies to the woman and the man equally. The BOTH must be responsible and safe people.

Find a counselor or church that offers pre-marital evaluation and counseling. Have your pregnant daughter and the baby's father take the personality and compatibility exams that are available. If they have scores that suggest that there is a possibility of a good relationship, then do futher counseling and exploring of the topic of marriage. You may find it helpful to read the chapters "Should they marry?" and "Teen marriage success" from our book "How to Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".

Early C-sections

A recent article titled "Study: Setting early C-sections puts babies at risk" summarizes a research study that shows that there are serious complications possible for babies born via an elective early c-section.

How early is too early? Waiting until after the 39th week of pregnancy is better, according to this research study. Babies born via elective c-section during weeks 37 and 38 had up to four times the risk of serious complications compared to elective c-sections after 39 weeks. Note the word 'elective' here ... these are c-sections that are timed for convenience, not for medically necessary reasons.

How much risk? The research study looked at 13,258 elective c-sections. 1,262 of those elective c-sections had some sort of complication: 15.3% chance of complication after 37 weeks, 11% chance of complication after 38 weeks, and 8% chance of complication after 39 weeks.

How often do these early c-sections happen? "The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists has recommended since at least 1999 that patients wait 39 weeks or more before having an elective C-section". But more than 33% of the women in the research study had an elective c-section earlier than the 39 weeks recommended: 6% had one at 37 weeks, and 30% had one at 38 weeks.

Who has early c-sections? The women in the study who had an early c-section were white, married, and had medical insurance.

What complications are at risk?
For babies delivered during the 37th week: 4.2 times more likely to get respiratory distress syndrome (3.7% chance instead of 0.9% for babies born after week 39), 3 times more likely to be treated for hypoglycemia (2.4% risk vs 0.7% risk), and newborn sepsis (7% risk vs 2.5% risk). These babies were also twice as likely to be admitted to the neonatal intensive care unit, and almost 3 times likely to need more than 5 days of hospitalization.

For babies delivered during the 38th week: 2 times the risk for respiratory distress syndrome, 30-80% more risk of other serious complications.

Make sure your daughter talks to her doctor about the timing of an elective c-section. This procedure should not be taken lightly simply for convenience or because she is uncomfortable instead of true medical reason.

Understanding birth statistics

Recently there has been a lot of hysterical press coverage about the changes in teen birth data. Let's look at one aspect of the data: statistical significance. This looks like a scary math term, but it's really not that bad.

Wikipedia's article about "statistical significance" says the following. "In statistics, a result is called statistically significant if it is unlikely to have occurred by chance. "A statistically significant difference" simply means there is statistical evidence that there is a difference; it does not mean the difference is necessarily large, important, or significant in the common meaning of the word."

For a data point to be statistically significant, it has to be just larger than the cutoff point. For example, if the cutoff point was 0.05, then a data point of 0.05001 would be statstically significant. Interestingly, the cutoff point can be chosen by the researcher. There are standard choices, but the researcher can choose any of them.

Using the interactive tool that looks at the 2006 teen birth data, the following states had changes that were not statistically significant. In other words, the birth data changes for these states is small enough that it could be random fluctuation: Idaho, Wyoming, Utah, New Mexico, Colorado, South Dakota, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Wisconsin, Indiana, Tennessee, Virginia, West Virginia, Delaware, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Massachussets, Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine.

Another point to remember is that the data represented in the interactive tool above includes both married and unmarried teens. As I posted the other day: Table 18 in the CDC report shows percent of births to UNmarried women:
Under 15 years of age: 98.3% (a few under age 15 are married!)
Age 15: 96.8% unmarried births (3.2% married)
Age 16: 93.3% unmarried (6.7% married)
Age 17: 90.0% unmarried (10.0% married)
Age 18: 84.4% unmarried (15.6% married)
Age 19: 77.8% unmarried (22.2% married, almost 1/4)

I wonder what would happen to the birth data in the interactive tool if we looked only at births to unmarried teens. Would some states drop out of the statistically significant change?

Final Birth Statistics for 2006

The CDC released their final analysis of birth data for 2006. Here are a few of the statistics they highlight in the report.

A total of 4,265,555 births were registered in the United States in 2006, 127,206 more births (or 3 percent higher) than in 2005. According to Table 5 in the report, the total breaks down into the following ethnic groups:
718,146 births to Mexican women in America (a 3.6% increase compared to 2005)
66,932 births to Puerto Rican women (a 5.7% increase compared to 2005)
16,936 births to Cuban women in America (a 5.4% increase compared to 2005)
165,321 births to women in America that are from Central and South America (a 9.3% increase compared to 2005)
71,742 births to women of other Hispanic origin in America (a 16.3% increase compared to 2005)
617,247 births to Black women (5.7% increase compared to 2005)
2,308,640 to White women (a 1.3% increase compared to 2005)

The number of births to teenagers aged 15-19 was 414,593 in 2005 and 435,436 in 2006.

The number of births to girls under the age of 15 was 6,722 in 2005 and 6,396 in 2006. In 2006, 98% of the 6,396 births in this group were to teens aged 13-14. 100 girls under the age of 15 gave birth to their second child, and 5 girls gave birth to their third child before the age of 15.

For college-aged women, age 20-24, 1,080,437 gave birth in 2006. About half of these college aged women had their first birth (518,540), while 359,744 gave birth for a second time, 143,499 gave birth for the third time, and 40,472 gave birth for the fourth time.

The above statistics include women that are married!
Table 18 in the CDC report shows percent of births to UNmarried women:
Under 15 years of age: 98.3% (a few under age 15 are married!)
Age 15: 96.8% unmarried births (3.2% married)
Age 16: 93.3% unmarried (6.7% married)
Age 17: 90.0% unmarried (10.0% married)
Age 18: 84.4% unmarried (15.6% married)
Age 19: 77.8% unmarried (22.2% married, almost 1/4)
Age 20-24: 57.9% unmarried (42.1% married)
Age 25-29: 31.0% unmarried (69% married)

The number of births outside marriage (for women aged 15-44) was 8% higher in 2006 than it was in 2005 and 20% higher than it was in 2002. The proportion of all births to unmarried women reached 38.5% of all U.S. births in 2006, up from 36.9% in 2005.

Health Risk Behaviors on MySpace

The Time magazine article linked in the title of this post summarizes a recent research study that looked at 500 MySpace profiles of American 18 years olds. "Nearly 54% of the selected profiles revealed details about risky sexual lifestyles, drug addictions and violent encounters with peers."

The Time summary points out that the research approach employed here seems unrealistic, but still shows that teens may be oversharing personal information on the Internet. Are your children being safe on social sites such as MySpace, Facebook, Xanga, and others? Internet predators are real. Time magazine had another article titled "How safe is MySpace?" which said "a survey conducted by the Crimes Against Children Research Center at the University of New Hampshire found that nearly 1 in 5 kids had received unwanted sexual solicitations over the Internet. And a March 2006 survey partly funded by the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children reported that 14% of teens have actually met face to face with someone they had known only through the Internet. "

Ask to see your children's profile, and read the comments that others leave on your children's pages. This is not an invasion of privacy because your children are sharing this information with strangers on the Internet. Talk to your kids about their safety and the dangers of meeting people they know only from the Internet, especially if this person is a romantic connection.

Sex and Technology

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy recently released the following press report about a survey they conducted.

One in five teen girls (22%)—and 11% of teen girls ages 13-16 years old—say they have electronically sent, or posted online, nude or semi-nude images of themselves.

These racy images are also getting passed around: One-third (33%) of teen boys and one-quarter (25%) of teen girls say they have had nude/semi-nude images—originally meant to be private—shared with them.

15% of teens who have sent sexually suggestive content such as text messages, email, photographs or video say they have done so with someone they only know online.

What teens and young adults are doing electronically seems to have an effect on what they do in real life: Nearly one-quarter of teens (22%) admit that technology makes them personally more forward and aggressive.

More than one-third of teens (38%) say exchanging sexy content makes dating or hooking up with others more likely and nearly one-third of teens (29%) believe those exchanging sexy content are “expected” to date or hook up.

Sending sexually suggestive messages is even more prevalent than sending nude/semi-nude images. Nearly half of young people (49% total, 39% of teens, 59% of young adults) have sent sexually suggestive text messages or email messages to someone.

Even more have received sexually suggestive messages: 48% of teens and 64% of young adults (56% total). Fully one-third of young teen girls (ages 13-16) have received sexually suggestive messages.

Teen girls who have sent or posted sexually suggestive content provide a number of reasons why: Two-thirds (66%) say they did so to be “fun or flirtatious,” half (52%) did so as a “sexy present” for their boyfriend, and 40% as a “joke.”

Even though nearly three-quarters of young people (73% total, 75% of teens, 71% of young adults) say that sending sexually suggestive content “can have serious negative consequences,” nearly one-quarter (22% total, 19% of teens and 26% of young adults) say sending sexually suggestive content is “no big deal.”

What can you do about this? Talk to your children about these survey results!

Talk to your kids about what they are doing in cyberspace. Just as you need to talk openly and honestly with your kids about real life sex and relationships, you also want to discuss online and cell phone activity. Make sure your kids fully understand that messages or pictures they send over the Internet or their cell phones are not truly private or anonymous. Also make sure they know that others might forward their pictures or messages to people they do not know or want to see them, and that school administrators and employers often look at online profiles to make judgments about potential students/employees. It’s essential that your kids grasp the potential short-term and long-term consequences of their actions.

Know who your kids are communicating with. Of course it’s a given that you want to know who your children are spending time with when they leave the house. Also do your best to learn who your kids are spending time with online and on the phone. Supervising and monitoring your kids’ whereabouts in real life and in cyberspace doesn’t make you a nag; it’s just part of your job as a parent. Many young people consider someone a “friend” even if they’ve only met online. What about your kids?

Consider limitations on electronic communication. The days of having to talk on the phone in the kitchen in front of the whole family are long gone, but you can still limit the time your kids spend online and on the phone. Consider, for example, telling your teen to leave the phone on the kitchen counter when they’re at home and to take the laptop out of their bedroom before they go to bed, so they won’t be tempted to log on or talk to friends at 2a.m.

Be aware of what your teens are posting publicly. Check out your teen’s MySpace, Facebook and other public online profiles from time to time. This isn’t snooping— this is information your kids are making public. If everyone else can look at it, why can’t you? Talk with them specifically about their own notions of what is public and what is private. Your views may differ but you won’t know until you ask, listen, and discuss.

Set expectations. Make sure you are clear with your teen about what you consider appropriate “electronic” behavior. Just as certain clothing is probably off-limits or certain language unacceptable in your house, make sure you let your kids know what is and is not allowed online either. And give reminders of those expectations from time to time. It doesn’t mean you don’t trust your kids, it just reinforces that you care about them enough to be paying attention.

American Attitudes towards Infant Adoption

In the National Council for Adoption's Adoption Fact Book IV, the article "American Public Attitudes Toward Infant Adoption" By Richard B. Wirthlin reports on a 2006 poll with the following questions:

1. For an unmarried woman with an unplanned pregnancy, sometimes choosing adoption is what it means to be a good mother. If you had been asked to agree/disagree with this statement before you learned your daughter was pregnant, how would you have responded? Now that you know your daughter is pregnant, do you agree/disagree with this statement in regards to other pregnant women (not your daughter)? Do you agree/disagree with this statement in regards to your own pregnant daughter? The article reports that 61% of those polled agreed with the statement, 23% were neutral, and 16% disagreed.
2. For an unmarried woman with an unplanned pregnancy, adoption is generally not the best option. If you had been asked to agree/disagree with this statement before you learned your daughter was pregnant, how would you have responded? Now that you know your daughter is pregnant, do you agree/disagree with this statement in regards to other pregnant women (not your daughter)? Do you agree/disagree with this statement in regards to your own pregnant daughter? The article reports that 16% agreed with this statement, 34% were neutral, and 50% disagreed.
3. For the child of an unmarried woman with an unplanned pregnancy, adoption is generally a positive option. If you had been asked to agree/disagree with this statement before you learned your daughter was pregnant, how would you have responded? Now that you know your daughter is pregnant, do you agree/disagree with this statement in regards to other pregnant women (not your daughter)? Do you agree/disagree with this statement in regards to your own pregnant daughter? The article reports that 51% agreed with this statement, 30% were neutral, and 19% disagreed.

The poll also asked "If you felt you had a realistic opportunity to adopt an infant domestically, would you attempt to do so?" 32% of those surveyed indicated they would attempt to adopt, given a realistic opportunity. "With 55 million married-couple households in the United States, this percentage extrapolates to 16 million married couples who say they would attempt to adopt an infant domestically... Adjust that figure for the number of married couples who are of appropriate parenting age and there are at least 10 million couples who would likely attempt to adopt an infant domestically if they felt they had a realistic opportunity to do so." Compare these numbers to the less than 23,000 infant domestic adoptions that occur each year, and over 1 million abortions each year.



You may find it helpful to read the chapters titled "Should She Make an Adoption Plan?", "Should We Adopt the Baby?", "Should They Marry?" and "Should She Parent Alone?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

November is National Adoption Month. Take time to research adoption with your pregnant daughter, along with single parenting and marriage. Then, no matter which of these roads she chooses, she can feel confident that the decision was made with care and thought instead of off-handedly. When things are tough in the future (because life can be hard no matter what we choose), she can remind herself that she actively chose her road instead of saying "I wish I had considered ______."

Adoptive families are looking for...

Sometimes pregnant women think "no one would want to adopt my baby because ______." According to the National Council for Adoption's 2002 Adoption Fact Book IV, the article titled "Adoption and Demand to Adopt by Women: 2002 National Survey of Family Growth; By Jo Jones, Ph.D." reports that:

• 89% of women currently seeking to adopt would prefer or accept a mildly disabled child.
• 79% of women currently seeking to adopt would prefer or accept a child aged 2-5 years old.
• 75% of women currently seeking to adopt would prefer or accept two or more siblings.
• 84% of white women currently seeking to adopt would prefer or accept a black child, and 95% would prefer or accept a child of a race other than black or white.
• 75% of black women currently seeking to adopt would prefer or accept a white child, and 93% would prefer or accept a child of a race other than black or white.

======================
You may find it helpful to read the chapters titled "Should She Make an Adoption Plan?", "Should We Adopt the Baby?", "Should They Marry?" and "Should She Parent Alone?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

November is National Adoption Month. Take time to research adoption with your pregnant daughter, along with single parenting and marriage. Then, no matter which of these roads she chooses, she can feel confident that the decision was made with care and thought instead of off-handedly. When things are tough in the future (because life can be hard no matter what we choose), she can remind herself that she actively chose her road instead of saying "I wish I had considered ______."

Overview of Adoptions in 2002

The National Council for Adoption publishes an Adoption Fact Book from time to time, which can be ordered in print or accessed electronically as a PDF file. In the current edition (Adoption Fact Book IV), there are these statistics based on data available in 2002:

• As compared to 1996, the number of domestic adoptions has increased.
• In 2002, more domestic adoptions were adoptions of children who are not relatives than adoption of children that are relatives.
• Domestic adoption of unrelated *infants* has decreased.
• Births to unmarried women increased from 1996, while the rate of infant adoption placements by unmarried women decreased.
• In 2002 there were 22,291 adoptions of infants that were not relatives.
• In 2002 there were 326 abortions for every 1000 live births and only 17 adoptions for every 1000 abortions. There were 16.3 adoptions for every 1000 live births to unmarried women.
  

You may find it helpful to read the chapters titled "Should She Make an Adoption Plan?", "Should We Adopt the Baby?", "Should They Marry?" and "Should She Parent Alone?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

November is National Adoption Month. Take time to research adoption with your pregnant daughter, along with single parenting and marriage. Then, no matter which of these roads she chooses, she can feel confident that the decision was made with care and thought instead of off-handedly. When things are tough in the future (because life can be hard no matter what we choose), she can remind herself that she actively chose her road instead of saying "I wish I had considered ______."

Most teen pregnancies caused by adult men

In the news article linked to in the title of the post, there is a quote that says "Half of the time, a teen pregnancy does not even involve two teens close in age. The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy estimates 52 percent of the fathers are three years or more older than the moms; and about two-thirds of the fathers are age 20 and over."

The statistic which says that "about two-thirds [66%] of the fathers are age 20 and over" includes 19-year old girls who are pregnant by 20 year old (and older) men. It also includes very young teens who are pregnant by men who are not teens themselves.

The other statistic above says that 52% of the time, a teen girl is pregnant by a male at least 3 years older than herself.

The article continues with an example, "In Illinois, the largest group of fathers involved in fathering a child with a teenage mother were between the ages of 20 and 24 -- that age group accounted for 48 percent of teen births during 2006, the latest year available. Only 10 percent of the fathers were under age 18."

Is an age difference of three years or more a big deal? For teens it definitely is:
"The older the partner, the greater the risk for abuse. One in five American teen girls has had sex with a sexual partner who is three or more years older, according to a report released in April by Child Trends, an independent research center that focuses on children and families. Even if the relationship is consensual, there is a significant power difference that puts the man in a controlling role. The risk of unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease increases significantly with older partners because they are less likely to use condoms, the report said."

If your teen daughter is pregnant by a male three or more years older than her, you may decide to talk to a lawyer about the statuatory rape laws for your state. Are your other children dating people that are too old or too young for them (a three year age difference or more)? If so, consider intervening in that relationship. And talk to all your teens about dating and sex. We posted previously about how you can talk to your kids to help them avoid teen pregnancy.

Stress and Support

A study of 2,921 mothers revealed that single mothers were twice as likely as married mothers to experience a bout of depression in the prior year.

Single mothers also reported higher levels of stress, fewer contacts with family and friends, less involvement with church or social groups and less overall social support.

Source: Cairney, John and Michael Boyle et al. “Stress, Social Support and Depression in Single and Married Mothers.” Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology 38 (August 2003): 442-449.

Talk to your pregnant daughter about this statistic. Does she plan to be a single parent, or to marry the baby's father? What are her thoughts about how she can better handle the stress of being a parent after her baby is born? How will she maintain contact with friends and family? How will she get to church at least once a week? What social groups will she attend regularly? For example, does your church have a single parent's support group? Or a Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group? Does your pregnant daughter have a history of depression? If so, she should be prepared to take quick action if she gets depressed after the baby is born.

If your family does not have the resources to help your pregnant daughter with these needs for emotional and social support and she does not plan to marry the baby's father, consider whether an adoption plan would provide benefits for both the child and your daughter.

Help your daughter get emotional support right now, during her pregnancy, by attending classes at your local pregnancy help center. Your daughter can learn about parenting and adoption, decision-making skills, relationship skills, and maybe even financial skills and job skills if those topics are available.

Single Moms Often Poor

Children in father-absent homes are five times more likely to be poor.

In 2002, 7.8% of children in married-couple families were living in poverty, compared to 38.4% of children in female-householder families.

Source: U.S. Census Bureau, Children’s Living Arrangements and Characteristics: March 2002, P200-547, Table C8. Washington D.C.: GPO, 2003.

Talk with your daughter about the issues revealed in the statistics above.

• What are her dreams about a present and involved father for her child?
  
• What qualities of a good father can the baby's father provide currently?
  
• If the baby's father is not a good candidate for an ongoing relationship, what male(s) can step in to provide a healthy father figure?

Our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy: Practical Advice for the Parents of a Pregnant Christian Single" has several chapters about the father of your daughter's baby: "Where Does The Baby's Father Belong In All This?", "Forgiving The Baby's Father", "Forgiving The Young Man's Parents", and "The Importance Of A Father."

As you and your daughter talk about an involved father for her child, try to determine who will play this role. It may be the child's father. If he is a safe person and has the potential to provide for his family and to learn parenting skills, your daughter should seek counseling about whether to marry him. I strongly recommend that any couple get good pre-marriage counseling that teaches them about managing expectations, communication skills, and gives the basics of financial skills such as budgeting and balancing a checkbook. In addition, the couple will need to be attending parenting skills classes so that they both participate in caring for the needs of their child. You may find it helpful to read the chapters "Should They Marry?" and "Should She Parent Alone?"

If the child's father will not be involved for whatever reason, who in your current family could play this crucial role of father figure?

If no father-figure is available or acceptable, spend some time considering an adoption plan where the child would have the advantages of a father as the child grows.

If your daughter is determined to be a single mother, what job skills does your she currently have? How can you help your pregnant daughter improve her job skills? What kind of career could she train for quickly? What financial help for living expenses or career training expenses are available in your family? Where can she get quality childcare while she is at work? You may also want to read the "Childcare Responsibilities" chapter in our book .

Time: The Truth About Teen Girls

Time magazine recently had an article titled "The Truth About Teen Girls".

One of the paragraphs in this article says,

We idealize youth and sexiness but recoil if our young want to be sexy. What has complicated things recently is that girls are literally getting older younger. Their bodies are hitting physical maturity sooner, often before they are ready to deal with the issues of sexuality that go along with it. According to Jane Brown, a journalism professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, "Twelve-to-14-year-old girls who start puberty earlier are more interested in sexual content in the media." Brown's studies found that adolescents whose media diet was rich in sexual content were more than twice as likely as others to have had sex by the time they were 16.

What is the sexual content of the media your teen (both boys and girls) consumes? The Time magazine article mentions shows like The O.C., with "multiple sexual partners, the cocaine use, and then at the end, they drink, they drive, they set fires, but all is well! There are never any consequences." Consider watching these shows with your teen and talk about the content. How do your family values relate to the content? How do your religious values relate to the content?

Some studies seem to show that "teens are less susceptible to media firestorms that galvanize the grownups, like those set off by a famous pregnant person or a seminaked tween star. But when most outlets say the same thing, the effect can be overwhelming. "We call this the drip-drip vs. the drench effect," says Brown." So, if any one particular episode isn't "so bad", there can still be a cumulative effect.

The article says that girls aren't necessarily trying to look sexy, just older, more grown up. "The real problems arise when the media unanimously suggest that hotness is the only identity worth trying on. And when they venerate physical desirability in young women without explaining how to use it responsibly. And when they define desirability in such a narrow fashion that many girls feel they have to amp up their sexual signals to measure up. One of the clear findings last year of the APA task force was that an early emphasis on sexuality stunts girls' development in other areas." Talk to your teens about identity. What are the components of their identity? Do some components have more value to them than other components do? In your family and your religious expression, what is the responsible use of physical desirability? What are the irresponsible uses of physical desirability?

The article continues:
Should girls fear that they don't have the requisite hotness, there's a surefire way to overcome that: find a boy to sleep with. "They're subconsciously looking for love," says Amanda Ireland, another Gloucester teen. "They think, If I have a baby, I'll be someone. It gives them an identity." What do your teens think about these statements? Are they looking for love? Do they feel that sex can buy them the love they want? What social credit would they receive from their peers if they were to become sexually active, or if they were to have a baby?

Not just an issue for teens

Unplanned pregnancy outside of marriage is not just a teen issue.

In fact, "more than half (54%) of unmarried women who have an unplanned pregnancy are in their 20s" not their teens. The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy has a brief overview called "Briefly: Unplanned Pregnancy Among 20-Somethings: The Full Story".

This brief says that:

• "In 2001, more than 2 million unmarried women had an unplanned pregnancy. This includes: 635,000 unmarried teens; 764,000 unmarried women in their early 20s (age 20-24); 367,000 unmarried women age 25-29; and 311,000 unmarried women over age 29 who had an unplanned pregnancy."
• "Over two-thirds of unmarried women having an unplanned pregnancy are not cohabiting. Only one-third of unmarried women who had an unplanned pregnancy were living with their partner when they got pregnant."
• "Among women having an unplanned pregnancy, cohabiting women and single, non-cohabiting women are more than twice as likely to have an abortion when compared to married women with an unplanned pregnancy."
• "Close to half of all unplanned pregnancies among women who were cohabiting ended in abortion compared to less than one in five unplanned pregnancies among married women."
• "About one-third of cohabiting women who reported having an unplanned pregnancy resulting in a birth ended that relationship within two years after the child's birth. Among married women, only 7% ended the relationship within two years after the unplanned child's birth."
• "Approximately two-thirds of unmarried women ages 20-29 who experienced an unplanned pregnancy were above the federal poverty level, and more than one-third had an income at or above 200% of the federal poverty level."
• "Most unmarried women who experienced an unplanned pregnancy have either graduated from high school or its equivalent, and four in ten have attended some college or more."
• "Close to half of all unmarried women who experienced an unplanned pregnancy are white, one in five are Hispanic, and about one-third are black."

Not guaranteed to fail

In a recent opinion piece called "Odds are against teen marriage", the author, Carrie Stetler says that "marriage among couples in their 20s and 30s is far less likely to end in divorce." This makes it sound like teen marriages are practically guaranteed to fail, which just isn't true. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Health Statistics released a report in December 2005 which was called "Fertility, Family Planning, and Reproductive Health of U.S. Women: Data from the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth."

This statistical report from the government says that for people who marry under the age of 18, that 93% of those marriages are still intact one year later, that 76% are still going 3 years later, that 65% are still working 5 years later, and that 52% are still married after 10 years!

For teens aged 18-19 who get married, 90% are still married a year later, 80% are still married 3 years later, 72% are still married 5 years later, and 61% are still married after 10 years!

So teen marriages are by no means guaranteed to fail.

Even if a teen marriage ends in divorce, "marrying before the birth of a child may lead to greater paternal support, even if the marriage doesn't last. If couples marry, the male partner is likely to be a resident parent and have greater access to the child. Even if the couple eventually divorces, this early contact may lead to greater levels of financial support from the father." (Naomi Seiler, "Is Teen Marriage A Solution?" April 2002. Center for Law and Social Policy.)

ANY marriage, at ANY age needs the same thing: the physical, emotional, and spiritual support of their families. ANY person who marries at ANY age needs to be a responsible, safe partner.

If your teen daughter is pregnant, you may find it helpful to read the chapters titled "Should they marry?" and "Teen marriage success" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy." There are also other posts about marriage on this blog, just click the label "Marriage" below or in the right-hand column.

"Is Marriage In Our Future?"

The topic of marriage has been on the minds of some of our readers recently, with queries such as "should pregnant christian people get married?", and "when daughter does not have blessing of marriage", among others. There is no single answer that fits all situations. Choosing to marry the baby's father is a decision that should be made with careful consideration, prayer, and outside counseling.

Family & Consumer Sciences at Michigan State University Extension created a free program called "Caring for My Family." One of the lessons in this program is called "Is Marriage In Our Future?". Consider printing out this lesson and discussing it with your pregnant daughter and her baby's father. Help your daughter and the baby's father to get outside counseling about their relationship and its future. Some of the main points from this lesson are as follows.

The lesson first lists a few facts about marriage:
"In 2000, 58% of all men and 54% of all women over the age of 15 were married. For people age 35 through 44, 69% of men and 71% of women were married. In 2000, 8.3% of all men and 10.2% of all women over age 15 were divorced."

"Many people have studied the effects of marriage on people and society. These experts found that people who are married:
• Are healthier, in general
• Live longer
• Tend to have more money and more financial security

They also found that children who live with their married parents:
• Get more education
• Have better marriages when they grow up
• Feel better about themselves and their lives

But healthy marriages are important. People with marital problems tend to be:
• More depressed
• Get sick more often
• Have children who get sick more often
• Have children who are not well adjusted

And if people divorce, their health suffers. For example:
• Divorced adults have a greater chance of dying earlier
• Children whose parents divorce live an average of four years less"

The lesson makes a good point that not everyone is a good candidate for marriage. You should not automatically get married just because you are pregnant. If your partner is abusive, you should get help to get away from them, not marry them. The lesson suggests these "yellow flags" as areas to get counseling about when considering a potential marriage partner:

Yellow Flags About Marriage:

• If your partner is often very depressed, unsure of himself or herself, and very anxious.
  
  
• If either of you ask over and over again, “Are you sure you love me? Do you really care about me?”
  
  
• If you spend most of your time together arguing and disagreeing.
  
  
• If your partner overreacts to simple problems or situations.
  
  
• If you keep thinking, “Things will be better when we get married.”
  
  
• If your partners wants to make all the important decisions and you resent it.
  
  
• If you are feeling pressure to get married but don’t want to.
  
  
• If you spend a day alone with your partner (not watching television), and you find you can’t stand it.
  
  
• If your partner does things you cannot stand but you are afraid to tell him or her because he or she will get mad.
  

The lesson also suggests a few "red flags" and encourages you not to marry a person with these challenges until they have been resolved:

"Red Flags"

• If your partner is an addict and not in recovery.
  
  
• If your partner physically or verbally abuses you or your children.
  
  
• If your partner is very controlling and you are fearful of him.
  
  
• If your partner demands that you drop all your friends and not see your family.
  
  
• If your partner gets angry easily and can’t control his or her temper.
  
  
• If your partner takes money that is needed to buy food and other necessities.
  

With your daughter, each of you write out a list of the positive traits a good marriage partner should have, and a list of the negative traits they should not have. Compare your lists. Then discuss how your daughter matches these lists and how the baby's father matches these lists. No one is perfect and each person will have a mix of positive and negative marriage traits. Try to be realistic and thorough.

The lesson suggests some questions to ask yourself:
• Do you believe that your future husband or wife will change if you get married? The facts show that most of us do not change very much or very quickly.
• Do you believe that you will be different when you get married? Do you hope that getting married will give you a fresh start and you can leave your problems behind? Most of us bring “baggage” with us into our marriages. If we had unhappy childhoods or don’t get along well with our parents, we will carry these problems into our marriage.
• Do you struggle with depression, anxiety, anger, being overly sensitive to criticism, or having frequent mood swings? Get help with these problems before getting married. Work on building your relationship with your own parents.
• Are you closing your eyes to your own or your partner’s faults? Most of us tend to not see our partner’s faults before we get married. Then after we are married we notice every fault.

Finally, the lesson suggests a three things that help make a marriage more successful:
"1) A marriage lasts when couples are able to solve the disagreements and conflict that are a part of every relationship.
2) A marriage must have at least five positive moments for every negative moment between the couple. In other words acts of kindness need to outweigh criticism and other negative behavior by a ratio of five to one.
3) But it is not a matter of just being nice. Instead, it is learning to calm oneself, to listen and respond nondefensively, and to stick together even when the going gets rough.
So, a healthy marriage involves more than marrying the “right person.” It also involves learning to manage conflict, to talk to each other and to stay committed during the tough times. It means becoming friends."

You may find it helpful to read the following chapters in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy": "Should they marry?", "Teen marriage success", "Should she parent alone?", "Where does the baby's father belong in all this?", "The importance of a father", and "Single moms and church".