Finding help and local resources

"Programs help teen mothers" is an article from a recent Ohio town newspaper (you may have to scroll down the page some) that gives an overview of the programs available to help teen mothers in their town.

Their "GRADS" program helps pregnant teens develop a plan of how to finish their education and manage their parenting responsibilities, with the primary goal of helping girls stay in school and graduate. The program counselor "also talks with the teens about parenting skills, money management and career planning."

The article also discusses services offered by their local pregnancy help centers, which teach mothers about what to do if "the baby can’t stop crying, what’s the best way to communicate with the baby, how to play with the baby and first aid for the baby." The pregnancy help centers also have services for the parents of the pregnant teen, and the father of the baby: “The parents of a pregnant teen — they go through every possible emotion,” Dicke said, citing anger and frustration at the top of the list. “They (the teenager) need unconditional love and support. You have to go beyond the anger and the hurt, you still have to love them. That person is still your child.” Dicke said teenage boys involved in an unplanned pregnancy are often frustrated with the situation as well.“They’re upset that they made a mistake and that’s why they don’t want to tell their parents and hear about it again.”

See if your community offers a program like this that would be of help to you and your daughter.

Setting Goals

Family & Consumer Sciences at Michigan State University Extension created a free program called "Caring for My Family." One of the lessons in this program is called "Planning and Preparing for My Choice" and it focuses on making goals and taking action regarding the relationship between the pregnant woman and the baby's father. Consider printing out this lesson and discussing it with your pregnant daughter and her baby's father. Help your daughter and the baby's father to get outside counseling about their relationship and its future. Some of the main points from this lesson are as follows.

Goals are important in all areas of life: Goals give us a sense of purpose and direction. Goals help to move us to act. Goals help you decide what is most important to do first. Goals keep you focused on improving your life and not just doing for doing’s sake. Goals give you signs that you are making progress.

What kinds of goals might your pregnant daughter have at this point? The lesson gives a bunch of example goals. Discuss these goals with your daughter; have her pick out goals that are meaningful to her, given her specific situation.

Example Goals for building a strong family: To better manage my stress and anger. To spend time with my baby and other children. To take better care of myself so I can be a better parent. To visit my mom once a week with the baby. To earn enough money to care for my family. To learn new job skills. To set and work on goals for my family’s future. To keep a balance between my work and family responsibilities. To think about my baby first when getting involved with someone romantically. To find free or inexpensive things to do as a family. To find safe and affordable child care (Read the chapter "Childcare responsibilities" in our book). To get to know my partner’s other children.

Exampel Goals for involving my baby’s father or mother -- for parenting together: To prepare a parenting plan with my baby’s other parent. To set a time each week for my baby’s dad to see him or her. To find another man who can be a male presence (father figure) for my baby. To have my baby’s dad help take care of my baby. To get financial support from my baby’s dad. To help my child get to know his/her dad. To increase my partner’s involvement in making decisions about our baby. To work together with my baby’s dad to raise him or her. To get the family members of my baby’s dad involved. To set aside my negative feelings about my baby’s dad (Read the chapter "Forgiving the baby's father" in our book).

Example Goals for creating a healthy relationship with my baby’s father: To patch things up with my baby’s father or mother. To open the lines of communication with my baby’s mother or father. To get ready to marry my baby’s father or mother, or another person. To learn how to talk to my baby’s father or other partner without being afraid. To learn good listening skills. To watch my body language and avoid giving mixed messages to my baby’s father or other partners. To listen and allow him/her to express his/her feelings when she/he does it safely. To spend time together alone. To be more assertive. To ask for help from my family or baby’s father or other partner. To leave the relationship because it is unhealthy and unsafe for me and my baby. To work toward a long-term relationship with my baby’s mother or father. To solve problems together about our baby. To say “no” and not feel guilty. To enjoy my life with or without a romantic relationship. To recognize my strengths. To nurture and take good care of myself. To find a partner that wants a healthy and loving relationship with me. To have a more positive relationship with my baby’s father.

If you don’t know what to do, set a goal: To decide what role my baby’s dad or mom should have in my baby’s upbringing. To decide your future involvement with my baby’s other parent. To decide the steps to make my family stronger.

Now that you have picked a few goals, write down your goal and how long it might take you to achieve it. Write down the three biggest strengths you have that will help you achieve this goal. Write down as many potential stumbling blocks as you can think of. Which of these stumbling blocks do you have control over? Brainstorm ways to handle the stumbling blocks that you have control over. Write down what this goal will cost you (What will you have to give up to get what you want? Money, time, relationships, present living situation, other choices?). Finally, write down action steps that move you toward completing this goal. Make one action step something you can do today, one step something you can do this week, and one step something you can do this month.

You may find it helpful to read the following chapters from our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy": "First steps to take", "Where will we be in a year?", and "Our hope for the next five years".

Examining Relationships

Family & Consumer Sciences at Michigan State University Extension created a free program called "Caring for My Family." One of the lessons in this program is called "Making Your Choice" and it focuses on examining the realtionship between the pregnant woman and the baby's father. Consider printing out this lesson and discussing it with your pregnant daughter and her baby's father. Help your daughter and the baby's father to get outside counseling about their relationship and its future. Some of the main points from this lesson are as follows.

The lesson asks some questions to help each person look at their relationship. These questions should be answered on paper, by your daughter and the baby's father separately. As a parent, write your own answers to some of these questions twice: once about your pregnant daughter and once about the baby's father [as you'll see, not all of them apply to you. For example, 'would you consider marrying this person?' However, you could rewrite them to work for you (for example, 'do you think your daughter should consider marrying this person')]. After everyone is finished writing their answers, get together (possibly with an outside counselor) and discuss everyone's answers. These also make good thought questions for your other children who are in dating relationships (some questions will have to be reworded to match their dating relationship instead of a parenting relationship).

• When you think of the baby’s father/mother, what are the major feelings you have?
• Would you consider marrying this person? Why or why not?
• What do you think marriage to this person would be like?
• What attracted you to him or her to begin with? Do the same things still attract you?
• Has the baby’s father or mother been a good or bad influence in your life?
• Do you love each other?
• What do you like best about him or her? Least?
• Who puts more into the relationship?
• Do you get along with his/her family and friends?
• How would you change him/her?
• Do you talk enough? Do you listen to each other when you do talk?
• Do you argue too much or not enough?
• Has the baby’s mother/father hurt you or your baby in any major way? If so, was it deliberate? Were his/her intentions good?
• Have you hurt him/her or your baby in any way?
• Does he/she limit you in any way? If so, how?
• What interests and friends do you share?
• How would you describe him/her as parent? Is he a good father or is she a good mother?
• What would you miss if you stopped seeing each other? What do you miss, if have already stopped seeing each other?
• What would you be glad about if you broke up? Or what are you glad about since you broke up?
• How does your relationship compare to the one you’d like?
• How do you see your relationship with him/her five years from now? 18 years from now?
• Are your present actions taking you there?
• What other concerns do you have about the baby’s father or mother?

Now that you have examined the relationship between your pregnant daughter and the baby's father a little bit, you can start to examine the options for their relationship going forward. There are a number of options which should be considered carefully. Make pro/con lists for each of these options. Then spend time thinking and praying about which choice to make. Basically, your pregnant daughter has the following choices for the relationship with the baby's father:

• Marry the baby's father 'soon' (within a year)
• Marry the baby's father at some point much later (years in the future)
• Have no contact/involvement with the baby's father: either be a single parent, marry someone else (at some later point), or choose an adoptive family for the baby
• Not marry the baby's father but he will be involved in parenting with you to some degree
• Not marry the baby's father at this time (and maybe never) and choose an adoptive family for the baby

You may find it helpful to read the following chapters from our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy": "Where does the baby's father belong in all this?", "Should they marry?", "Teen marriage success", "Should she parent alone?", and "Should she make an adoption plan?".

"Is Marriage In Our Future?"

The topic of marriage has been on the minds of some of our readers recently, with queries such as "should pregnant christian people get married?", and "when daughter does not have blessing of marriage", among others. There is no single answer that fits all situations. Choosing to marry the baby's father is a decision that should be made with careful consideration, prayer, and outside counseling.

Family & Consumer Sciences at Michigan State University Extension created a free program called "Caring for My Family." One of the lessons in this program is called "Is Marriage In Our Future?". Consider printing out this lesson and discussing it with your pregnant daughter and her baby's father. Help your daughter and the baby's father to get outside counseling about their relationship and its future. Some of the main points from this lesson are as follows.

The lesson first lists a few facts about marriage:
"In 2000, 58% of all men and 54% of all women over the age of 15 were married. For people age 35 through 44, 69% of men and 71% of women were married. In 2000, 8.3% of all men and 10.2% of all women over age 15 were divorced."

"Many people have studied the effects of marriage on people and society. These experts found that people who are married:
• Are healthier, in general
• Live longer
• Tend to have more money and more financial security

They also found that children who live with their married parents:
• Get more education
• Have better marriages when they grow up
• Feel better about themselves and their lives

But healthy marriages are important. People with marital problems tend to be:
• More depressed
• Get sick more often
• Have children who get sick more often
• Have children who are not well adjusted

And if people divorce, their health suffers. For example:
• Divorced adults have a greater chance of dying earlier
• Children whose parents divorce live an average of four years less"

The lesson makes a good point that not everyone is a good candidate for marriage. You should not automatically get married just because you are pregnant. If your partner is abusive, you should get help to get away from them, not marry them. The lesson suggests these "yellow flags" as areas to get counseling about when considering a potential marriage partner:

Yellow Flags About Marriage:

• If your partner is often very depressed, unsure of himself or herself, and very anxious.
  
  
• If either of you ask over and over again, “Are you sure you love me? Do you really care about me?”
  
  
• If you spend most of your time together arguing and disagreeing.
  
  
• If your partner overreacts to simple problems or situations.
  
  
• If you keep thinking, “Things will be better when we get married.”
  
  
• If your partners wants to make all the important decisions and you resent it.
  
  
• If you are feeling pressure to get married but don’t want to.
  
  
• If you spend a day alone with your partner (not watching television), and you find you can’t stand it.
  
  
• If your partner does things you cannot stand but you are afraid to tell him or her because he or she will get mad.
  

The lesson also suggests a few "red flags" and encourages you not to marry a person with these challenges until they have been resolved:

"Red Flags"

• If your partner is an addict and not in recovery.
  
  
• If your partner physically or verbally abuses you or your children.
  
  
• If your partner is very controlling and you are fearful of him.
  
  
• If your partner demands that you drop all your friends and not see your family.
  
  
• If your partner gets angry easily and can’t control his or her temper.
  
  
• If your partner takes money that is needed to buy food and other necessities.
  

With your daughter, each of you write out a list of the positive traits a good marriage partner should have, and a list of the negative traits they should not have. Compare your lists. Then discuss how your daughter matches these lists and how the baby's father matches these lists. No one is perfect and each person will have a mix of positive and negative marriage traits. Try to be realistic and thorough.

The lesson suggests some questions to ask yourself:
• Do you believe that your future husband or wife will change if you get married? The facts show that most of us do not change very much or very quickly.
• Do you believe that you will be different when you get married? Do you hope that getting married will give you a fresh start and you can leave your problems behind? Most of us bring “baggage” with us into our marriages. If we had unhappy childhoods or don’t get along well with our parents, we will carry these problems into our marriage.
• Do you struggle with depression, anxiety, anger, being overly sensitive to criticism, or having frequent mood swings? Get help with these problems before getting married. Work on building your relationship with your own parents.
• Are you closing your eyes to your own or your partner’s faults? Most of us tend to not see our partner’s faults before we get married. Then after we are married we notice every fault.

Finally, the lesson suggests a three things that help make a marriage more successful:
"1) A marriage lasts when couples are able to solve the disagreements and conflict that are a part of every relationship.
2) A marriage must have at least five positive moments for every negative moment between the couple. In other words acts of kindness need to outweigh criticism and other negative behavior by a ratio of five to one.
3) But it is not a matter of just being nice. Instead, it is learning to calm oneself, to listen and respond nondefensively, and to stick together even when the going gets rough.
So, a healthy marriage involves more than marrying the “right person.” It also involves learning to manage conflict, to talk to each other and to stay committed during the tough times. It means becoming friends."

You may find it helpful to read the following chapters in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy": "Should they marry?", "Teen marriage success", "Should she parent alone?", "Where does the baby's father belong in all this?", "The importance of a father", and "Single moms and church".

Dads are Important, Too

Family & Consumer Sciences at Michigan State University Extension created a free program called "Caring for My Family." One of the lessons in this program is called "Dads are Important, too". Consider printing out this lesson and discussing it with your pregnant daughter and her baby's father. If the baby's father will not be involved with your daughter and grandchild for some reason, discuss who could be a father figure for the child. If that person is currently available, have them join you to discuss this lesson. If you have not yet chosen a father figure for the child, maybe this lesson will help you brainstorm about the qualities you want that person to have. If no one your family knows would make an acceptable father figure, discuss whether adoption may provide the desired father for this child. Some of the main points from this lesson are as follows.

"Your baby, your baby’s father, and you make up a family whether or not you are married to your baby’s dad. Together, you and your baby’s dad have brought a new person into the world. What kind of life do you want for your baby?" With your pregnant daughter and the baby's father, each of you write a list that answers this question, then compare your lists.

In several previous posts, we highlighted some of the research that shows that fathers are important to the health of mother and child, and have an impact on childhood obesity. Fathers also have an impact on alcohol and drug use, and child abuse prevention. Fathers can help teens avoid pregnancy, and have better educational results. Finally, fathers can help the family avoid poverty and being involved in crime.

The lesson asks you to write about what a father is, and lists some ideas: "Fathers are involved in the day-to-day lives of their children. Fathers show love, talk to their children, smile, and make them feel special. Fathers provide support for their children (money, care, time). Fathers give positive and appropriate discipline. Fathers spend time with their children on a regular basis. Fathers are a consistent part of their children’s lives." Make your own lists and discuss them. What kind of help will your daughter and the baby's father need in order to be better parents?

The next list you should each write out is to think about your own father and write out the good fathering skills he had and also the areas where he had weaknesses as a father. The lesson notes that "Many fathers parent the way they were parented by their fathers. That might be all they know. Most fathers want to do a better job at parenting than their own fathers did. Some fathers, when they become adults, improve their relationship with their own fathers. Others find this difficult to do and need help dealing with their feelings. We each learn a great deal by thinking about our own fathering but it is more important to move forward in a positive way." Discuss the lists you each made. Brainstorm ways that the baby's father can avoid some of the weaknesses he saw in his father.

The lesson talks about some of the barriers that fathers face sometimes. "When they were involved with the mother, fathers saw their children more often. When they were no longer romantically involved, they had far less contact. They reported disagreements with the children’s mother over money. Many men could not get jobs that paid them enough to
provide on-going support for their children. Mothers often nagged them about the lack of support and money. Men involved in the underground economy or illegal activities felt ashamed and didn’t want their children to know about it. Some had been in prison and had not had much contact with their children. Disagreements with the mother’s mother or grandmother often interfered with the father’s contact with his children. Although children were important to these men, they often were not able to do much for them in return, especially as the children got older." Discuss these items with your pregnant daughter and the baby's father. Brainstorm ways that these barriers might be overcome.

In looking at the role of a father figure, you may find it helpful to read the following chapters in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy": "Where does the baby's father belong in all this?", "The importance of a father", "Should they marry?" and "Should she parent alone?"

Educate yourself and daughter about Shaken Baby Syndrome

A recent article on CNN.com was titled "New Year's baby's death shatters family, relationships" and shares the story of baby Camryn Jakeb Wilson who died just a few months later from Shaken Baby Syndrome.

It is very important that everyone in your family take the time to learn about Shaken Baby Syndrome. Make sure that the baby's father or father figure learns about this topic too.

"The National Center on Shaken Baby Syndrome estimates as many as 1,400 babies annually are injured or killed by shaking. According to the center, 70 percent to 79 percent of people convicted of killing or hurting babies are men. The average age of perpetrators is 24, and 82 percent are either the parent of the victim or the live-in boyfriend of the mother."

According to the National Center on Shaken Baby Syndrome, "Violently shaking an infant for just a few seconds can cause:
• Brain injury leading to paralysis, mild to severe cognitive impairment, cerebral palsy
• Blindness
• Broken bones
• Death
Normal activities such as bouncing a baby on one's knee, tossing it in the air or jogging with a baby on one's back do not cause shaken baby syndrome."



The #1 reason that people shake and damage babies is that they have been unable to figure out why the baby is crying.

How to cope with a baby who is crying and cannot be comforted:



Talk with your pregnant daughter about this information. Help her write a list of things she can do when she gets frustrated with her baby. Talk with her about screening the people who will care for her baby: are they trustworthy? have they been educated about shaken baby syndrome? are they prone to frustration, anger, or physical abuse? How can the safety of her baby be improved?

The Effects of Teen Pregnancy

The Campaign for Our Children has a fact sheet called "The Effects of Teen Pregnancy" which lists the following statistics. Talk to your kids about these.

The Effects of Teen Pregnancy

50% of adolescents who have a baby become pregnant again within two years of the baby’s birth. We posted about this topic just the other day: "A Second (or Third) Teen Pregnancy". Talk to your kids about choosing sexual integrity.

Only 41% of teenage mothers complete high school, making it less likely for teen mothers to have the skills necessary to qualify for a well-paying job. Help your pregnant daughter finish school and get job skills. Help your daughter identify some goals for education and job training. With your pregnant daughter, research adoption to see if this option would benefit your daughter and her child.

Almost 50% of all teen mothers and more than 75% of unmarried teen mothers begin receiving welfare within five years of the birth of their first child. Help your daughter find other community resources that can help too. With your pregnant daughter, research adoption to see if this option would benefit your daughter and her child.

Nearly 80% of fathers of children born to teen mothers do not marry the mothers. How is the relationship between your pregnant daughter and the baby's father? Does your daughter hope to marry him, or has he disappeared? What challenges will your daughter face if she chooses to be a single mother? How could your whole family help her with these challenges? Is adoption an option that would be beneficial to your daughter and her child?

Teen fathers pay less than $800 in child support. With your pregnant daughter, figure our how much money she will need each month to support herself and her child. How much support will your family be able to help her with?

Children born to teen mothers are more likely to have low birth weight and related problems such as infant death, blindness, and mental retardation. Make sure your pregnant teen gets medical care right away. Your pregnant teen also needs proper nutrition for herself and her child.

Children of teen parents often receive inadequate parenting, are subject to abuse and neglect, and often have insufficient health care. Help your pregnant daughter start learning about parenting skills. Also research with your daughter to see if adoption would be an appropriate solution to this area of challenge for her.

Children of teen parents are 50% more likely to repeat a grade, perform poorly on standardized tests, and ultimately less likely to complete high school. If your daughter plans to parent her child, how can your family and other community resources help her child overcome this education challenge? Also research with your daughter to see if adoption would be an appropriate solution to this area of challenge for her.

Sources:
1. National Vital Statistics, Vol. 50, No. 50, 2002
2. National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy (2002). Not Just Another Single Issue, Washington, DC.
3. Maynard, R.A. (1996). Kids having kids: A Robin Hood Foundation special report on the costs of adolescent childbearing. New York, Robin Hood Foundation.

Abusive Relationships

An article on ScienceDaily.com, "Teen Girls Report Abusive Boyfriends Try To Get Them Pregnant" summarizes a study "based on interviews with 61 girls from a variety of racial and ethnic backgrounds with a known history of intimate partner violence living in the poorest neighborhoods in Boston. The analysis included 53 girls between the ages of 15 and 20 who reported being sexually active and involved in relationships that included recurring patterns of physical, sexual or emotional abuse from a male partner. Twenty-six percent of these girls reported that their partners were actively trying to get them pregnant by manipulating condom use, sabotaging birth control use and making explicit statements about wanting them to become pregnant."

Talk to your daughter about the study mentioned above.

• Has her partner ever hit, pushed, shoved, or otherwise physically hurt her?
• Has her partner ever threatened physical violence against her?
• Has her partner ever sexually abused her?
• Has her partner told her he is trying to get her pregnant?
• Has her partner emotionally abused her? For example, by calling her names or humiliating her in front of others?
• Does your daughter need help escaping from this relationship?

If your daughter's partner is abusive, discuss with her what steps you both can take to improve her physical safety. Should a restraining order be sought against the partner? Also help your daughter get the counseling she needs so that she can address the mental wounds she has received and heal so that she does not find herself in another abusive relationship.

Fathers Need Training & Support Too

When talking about pregnancy in the teen and college population we often focus solely on the pregnant young mother, neglecting the father. So let's spend this week after Father's Day looking at fathers a little bit, and think and talk about how the baby's father impacts your daughter, her child, and your family.

Mothers are not the only ones who need training in child care skills and parenting skills. Fathers need this education too! Ask the baby's father or the man who is going to be a father figure for the child if they are willing to receive some training. Find fatherhood training classes at your local pregnancy resource center, a local church, or a men's group such as Promise Keepers.

The Dad E-mail is a weekly e-newsletter filled with helpful hints and tips just for dads! It offers relevant ideas for connecting to your children, balancing work and family, handling tough family issues, and more. Ask the father of your daughter's child to sign up for this newsletter. You can sign up for it too, and then discuss the newsletter each week.

The Fatherhood Initiative also has an online brochure with "Ten Ways to be a Better Dad". Read it and discuss it (with your daughter, family, and the baby's father). Here are the main points:

1. Respect your children's mother.
2. Spend time with your children.
3. Earn the right to be heard.
4. Discipline with love.
5. Be a role model.
6. Be a teacher.
7. Eat together as a family.
8. Read to your children.
9. Show affection.
10. Realize that a father's job is never done.

Talk with your daughter about these points:

• Does she feel that the baby's father respects her? What actions and attitudes does she think are involved in 'respect'? What are your thoughts about respect? In what ways does the baby's father respect her and not respect her? Does she respect the baby's father? What changes could each of them make to have/show more respect to each other? If the baby's father will not be involved in raising her child, which man will play this role of demonstrating respect for her in front of her child?
  
• With your daughter, write up a sample schedule for the typical weekday and another schedule for the typical weekend day. This schedule should be a projection for what life will be like after her baby is born, not what life is like right now while she is pregnant. Include sleep, school, work, chores, etc. Try to be as realistic (not optimistic) as possible. When will she schedule time to read to her child? Play with her child? Ask the baby's father to do the same exercise, and compare the schedules. If the baby's father will not be involved in raising her child, which man will spend daily time with her child? What is he willing to commit to on a daily basis to provide a father figure by spending daily time with her child?
• In "earn the right to be heard", the brochure says, "Begin talking with your kids when they are very young so that difficult subjects will be easier to handle as they get older. Take time and listen to their ideas and problems." Discuss with your daughter what it was like in your family when you were a child. Did your parents talk about difficult subjects with you? Did your parents have good listening skills? Now ask your daughter about her impressions of growing up: did you discuss difficult subjects with her when she was young? When have you had good listening skills and less than perfect listening skills? What concrete steps would she like to take so that she is a good parent in these areas? If the baby's father will not be involved in raising her child, which man will be involved in discussing life issues with her child?
  
• There are lots of good parenting books out there which discuss discipline. Discuss with your daughter what the word 'discipline' meant when you were a child in your family. Did your parents discipline you with love? What limits and consequences did your parent set as you grew up? Then discuss what things you did the same as your parents, and what things you tried to do differently from your own parents as your raised your daughter. Ask your daughter what 'discipline' means to her. What does 'discipline with love' mean to her? Talk to her about the ideas you had about discipline before you became a parent, and how becoming a parent changed those ideas. If the baby's father will not be involved in raising her child, which man will be help provide discipline to her child?
  
• Ask your daughter which man is a role model to her of what a man is supposed to be like. Which man is a role model to her of what a father is supposed to be like? What qualities do these men have that she admires and dislikes? What would a fictional perfect man & father be like, in her opinion? When you were growing up yourself, who were your man/father role models? What qualities did they have that you admired and disliked? Discuss the baby's father: what good role model qualities does he currently have? What does he need to improve? Is he willing to make any changes to become a better role model? If the baby's father will not be involved in raising her child, which man will be a role model to her child?
  
• Does your family currently eat together at least once a day? It doesn't have to be dinner..it could be breakfast or lunch too. This is an important time to debrief. What can you all do to make it a habit that the family eats together once a day?
  
• Your daughter may feel like she's too old to be read to by you anymore, but what if you were reading a book about parenting skills, or pregnancy? Or if reading outloud to each other really is out of the question, what if you and she were reading the same book separately? You may not need two copies..just two bookmarks. Or, make sure to stay in sync in your reading, discussing as you go. Keep the book in a common place...the kitchen? dining room? living room? so that you might both see the book regularly. What are your daughter's plans to read to her child? She doesn't have to wait until the child is a toddler to be reading to him/her...she can start even now before the baby is born!
  
• Discuss with your daughter what it was like growing up in your own family in terms of the display of affection. What did your parents do to show affection to you? What did they do to show affection to each other? Ask her what she remembers about how affection was displayed to her as a child. What are her plans for displaying affection to her child? If the baby's father won't be involved in raising her child, which man will display affection to her child? What would she consider an appropriate display from this man, and an inappropriate display from this man?

As you can see, there's a LOT to talk and think about. Both mothers and fathers have a demanding job in raising children. Our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy: Practical Advice for the Parents of a Pregnant Christian Single" has several chapters about the father of your daughter's baby: "Where Does The Baby's Father Belong In All This?", "Forgiving The Baby's Father", "Forgiving The Young Man's Parents", and "The Importance Of A Father." You may find this book helpful as you and your daughter make decisions and plans. If the child's father will not be involved for whatever reason, who in your current family could play this crucial role of father figure? If no one is available or acceptable, spend some time considering an adoption plan where the child would have the advantages of a father as the child grows.

Fathers: More healthy moms, babies, kids

When talking about pregnancy in the teen and college population we often focus solely on the pregnant young mother, neglecting the father. So let's spend this week after Father's Day looking at fathers a little bit, and think and talk about how the baby's father impacts your daughter, her child, and your family.

The National Fatherhood Initiative summarizes the following independent research studies:

Father Factor in Maternal and Infant Health

- Infant mortality rates are 1.8 times higher for infants of unmarried mothers than for married mothers.
Source: Matthews, T.J., Sally C. Curtin, and Marian F. MacDorman. Infant Mortality Statistics from the 1998 Period Linked Birth/Infant Death Data Set. National Vital Statistics Reports, Vol. 48, No. 12. Hyattsville, MD: National Center for Health Statistics, 2000.

- Based on birth and death data for 217,798 children born in Georgia in 1989 and 1990, infants without a father’s name on their birth certificate (17.9 percent of the total) were 2.3 times more likely to die in the first year of life compared to infants with a father’s name on their birth certificate.
Source: Gaudino, Jr., James A., Bill Jenkins, and Foger W. Rochat. “No Fathers’ Names: A Risk Factor for Infant Mortality in the State of Georgia, USA.” Social Science and Medicine 48 (1999): 253-265.

- Unmarried mothers are less likely to obtain prenatal care and more likely to have a low birth-weight baby. Researchers find that these negative effects persist even when they take into account factors, such as parental education, that often distinguish single-parent from two-parent families.
Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Public Health Service. Center for Disease Control and Prevention. National Center for Health Statistics. Report to Congress on Out-of-Wedlock Childbearing. Hyattsville, MD (Sept. 1995): 12.

- Expectant fathers can play a powerful as advocates of breastfeeding. Three-fourths of women whose partners attended a breastfeeding promotion class initiated breastfeeding.
Source: Wolfberg, Adam J., et al. “Dads as breastfeeding advocates: results from a randomized controlled trial of an educational intervention.” American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology 191 (September 2004): 708-712.

- Fathers’ knowledge about breastfeeding increases the likelihood that a child will be breastfed. Children who fathers knew more had a 1.76 higher chance of being breastfed at the end of the first month and 1.91 higher chance of receiving maternal milk at the end of the third month.
Source: Susin, Lurie R.O. “Does Parental Breastfeeding Knowledge Increase Breastfeeding Rates?” BIRTH 26 (September 1999): 149-155.

- Twenty-three percent of unmarried mothers in large U.S. cities reported cigarette use during their pregnancy. Seventy-one percent were on Medicare.
Source: McLanahan, Sara. The Fragile Families and Child Well-being Study: Baseline National Report. Table 7. Princeton, NJ: Center for Research on Child Well-being, 2003: 16.

- A study of 2,921 mothers revealed that single mothers were twice as likely as married mothers to experience a bout of depression in the prior year. Single mothers also reported higher levels of stress, fewer contacts with family and friends, less involvement with church or social groups and less overall social support.
Source: Cairney, John and Michael Boyle et al. “Stress, Social Support and Depression in Single and Married Mothers.” Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology 38 (August 2003): 442-449.

- In a longitudinal study of more than 10,000 families, researchers found that toddlers living in stepfamilies and single-parent families were more likely to suffer a burn, have a bad fall, or be scarred from an accident.
Source: O’Connor, T., L. Davies, J. Dunn, J. Golding, ALSPAC Study Team. “Differential Distribution of Children’s Accidents, Injuries and Illnesses across Family Type.” Pediatrics 106 (November 2000): e68.

- A study of 3,400 middle schoolers indicated that not living with both biological parents quadruples the risk of having an affective disorder.
Source: Cuffe, Steven P., Robert E. McKeown, Cheryl L. Addy, and Carol Z. Garrison. “Family Psychosocial Risk Factors in a Longitudinal Epidemiological Study of Adolescents.” Journal of American Academic Child Adolescent Psychiatry 44 (February 2005): 121-129.

- Children who live apart from their fathers are more likely to be diagnosed with asthma and experience an asthma-related emergency even after taking into account demographic and socioeconomic conditions. Unmarried, cohabiting parents and unmarried parents living apart are 1.76 and 2.61 times, respectively, more likely to have their child diagnosed with asthma. Marital disruption after birth is associated with a 6-fold increase in the likelihood a children will require an emergency room visit and 5-fold increase of an asthma-related emergency.
Source: Harknett, Kristin. Children’s Elevated Risk of Asthma in Unmarried Families: Underlying Structural and Behavioral Mechanisms. Working Paper #2005-01-FF. Princeton, NJ: Center for Research on Child Well-being, 2005: 19-27.

Father Factor in Childhood Obesity

- National Longitudinal Survey of Youth found that obese children are more likely to live in father-absent homes than are non-obese children.
Source: National Longitudinal Survey of Youth

- Study that looked at family lifestyle and parent’s Body Mass Index (BMI) over a nine year period found:
- Father’s Body Mass Index (BMI) predicts son’s and daughter’s BMI independent of offspring’s alcohol intake, smoking, physical fitness, and father’s education
- Furthermore, BMI in sons and daughters consistently higher when fathers were overweight or obese
- Physical fitness of daughters negatively related to their father’s obesity
- Obesity of fathers associated with a four-fold increase in the risk of obesity of sons and daughters at age 18
Source: Burke V, Beilin LJ, Dunbar D. “Family lifestyle and parental body mass index as predictors of body mass index in Australian children: a longitudinal study.” Department of Medicine, Royal Perth Hospital, University of Western Australia, and the Western Australian Heart Research Institute; Perth, Australia.

- A fathers’ body mass index (a measurement of the relative composition of fat and muscle mass in the human body) is directly related to a child’s activity level. In a study of 259 toddlers, more active children were more likely to have a father with a lower BMI than less active children.
Source: Finn, Kevin, Neil Johannsen, and Bonny Specker. “Factors associated with physical activity in preschool children.” The Journal of Pediatrics 140 (January 2002): 81-85.

- Study that looked at dietary intake and physical activity of parents and their daughters over a two year period found:
- Daughter’s BMI predicted by father’s diets and father’s enjoyment of physical activity
- As father’s BMI rose, so did their daughter’s BMI
Source: Davison KK, Birch LL. “Child and parent characteristics as predictors of change in girls' body mass index.” Department of Human Development and Family Studies, The Pennsylvania State University, University Park, Pennsylvania 16802, USA.

- Study that looked at the relationship between parent’s total and percentage body fat and daughter’s total body fat over a two and one-half year period found:
- Father’s, not mother’s, total and percentage body fat the best predictor of changes in daughter’s total and percentage body fat.
Source: Figueroa-Colon R, Arani RB, Goran MI, Weinsier RL. “Paternal body fat is a longitudinal predictor of changes in body fat in premenarcheal girls.” Department of Pediatrics, General Clinical Research Center, Medical Statistics Unit, Comprehensive Cancer Center, University of Alabama at Birmingham, USA.

- Two studies that have looked at the determinants of physical activity in obese and non-obese children found:
- Obese children less likely to report that their father’s were physically active than were the children of non-obese children. This determinant not found for mothers.
- Father’s inactivity strong predictor of children’s inactivity.
Source: Trost SG, Kerr LM, Ward DS, Pate RR. “Physical activity and determinants of physical activity in obese and non-obese children. School of Human Movement Studies, The University of Queensland, Brisbane, Queensland 4072, Australia.
Source: Fogelholm M, Nuutinen O, Pasanen M, Myohanen E, Saatela T. “Parent-child relationship of physical activity patterns and obesity.” University of Helsinki, Lahti Research and Training Centre, Finland.

- Children who lived with single mothers were significantly more likely to become obese by a 6-year follow-up, as were black children, children with nonworking parents, children with nonprofessional parents, and children whose mothers did not complete high school.
Source: Strauss RS, Knight J. “Influence of the home environment on the development of obesity in children.” Division of Pediatric Gastroenterology and Nutrition, University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey, Robert Wood Johnson School of Medicine, New Brunswick, New Jersey 08903, USA.

Our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy: Practical Advice for the Parents of a Pregnant Christian Single" has several chapters about the father of your daughter's baby: "Where Does The Baby's Father Belong In All This?", "Forgiving The Baby's Father", "Forgiving The Young Man's Parents", and "The Importance Of A Father." You may find this book helpful as you and your daughter make decisions and plans.

Talk with your daughter about the issues revealed in the statistics above.

• Is she smoking while pregnant? Does she breathe in second-hand smoke? Many studies have shown how damaging this can be to her child. Help her find resources so she can quit smoking immediately. Don't let anyone smoke near her. Help her find a new job if her current one involves working in second hand smoke (such as at a bar or restaurant).
• Has your daughter gotten regular prenatal care? If not, find a way to get her to a doctor. Apply for medicaid; ask your church if they have a benevolence fund to help with medical bills; ask your hospital if they have a low-cost maternity clinic; ask her school if they have any maternity care on campus; look in the phone book to see if there are any charity clinics that could help her; call OptionLine (800-395-HELP) to get the name and phone number of a pregnancy resource center near you, then call them and see if they have any medical services or any referrals for medical help. There are several reputable internet sites that offer pregnancy healthy information so both you and your daughter should do a lot of reading about healthy pregnancy. Pregnancy resource centers may also be able to education your daughter on pregnancy health, delivery, and child care skills.
• Ask your daughter her thoughts about breastfeeding. If she currently does not plan to breastfeed, have her research the benefits of breastfeeding and then also write up a list of the pros and cons of breastfeeding vs. formula. If she chooses to breastfeed, make sure the hospital where she delivers her baby knows this so that they don't start the baby on a formula bottle in the nursery.
• Since single mothers report higher levels of stress, fewer contacts with family and friends, less involvement with church or social groups and less overall social support, what steps can you both take to avoid these problems? Does your church have a single parents support group? How about a new mother's support group, or a MOPS (Mothers Of PreSchoolers) group? What classes or community groups are offered from the hospital or local colleges?
• Talk with your daughter about family healthy histories: what health challenges are more common in your family (obesity, cancer, asthma, allergies, etc.)? What can she do to have a more healthy lifestyle both now and after the baby is born? What support will she need in order to make changes in her health and lifestyle?
  

As you and your daughter talk about an involved father for her child, try to determine who will play this role. It may be the child's father. If the child's father plans to be involved in raising the child, talk to him about these statistics too. What changes could he make now so that he is more healthy? In what areas is he a weaker role model and a stronger role model? What changes could he make to be a better father in the areas where he is currently weaker?

If the child's father will not be involved for whatever reason, who in your current family could play this crucial role? If no one is available or acceptable, spend some time considering an adoption plan where the child would have the advantages of a father as the child grows.

Fathers: Anti-Drugs, and Protectors

When talking about pregnancy in the teen and college population we often focus solely on the pregnant young mother, neglecting the father. So let's spend this week looking at fathers a little bit, and think and talk about how the baby's father impacts your daughter, her child, and your family.

The National Fatherhood Initiative reports the following statistics:

Father Factor in Drug and Alcohol Abuse

- Researchers at Columbia University found that children living in two-parent household with a poor relationship with their father are 68% more likely to smoke, drink, or use drugs compared to all teens in two-parent households. Teens in single mother households are at a 30% higher risk than those in two-parent households.
Source: “Survey Links Teen Drug Use, Relationship With Father.” Alcoholism & Drug Abuse Weekly 6 September 1999: 5.

- In a study of 6,500 children from the ADDHEALTH database, father closeness was negatively correlated with the number of a child’s friends who smoke, drink, and smoke marijuana. Closeness was also correlated with a child’s use of alcohol, cigarettes, and hard drugs and was connected to family structure. Intact families ranked higher on father closeness than single-parent families.
Source: National Fatherhood Initiative. “Family Structure, Father Closeness, & Drug Abuse.” Gaithersburg, MD: National Fatherhood Initiative, 2004: 20-22.

- Of the 228 students studied, those from single-parent families reported higher rates of drinking and smoking as well as higher scores on delinquency and aggression tests when compared to boys from two-parent households.
Source: Griffin, Kenneth W., Gilbert J. Botvin, Lawrence M. Scheier, Tracy Diaz and Nicole L. Miller. “Parenting Practices as Predictors of Substance Use, Delinquency, and Aggression Among Urban Minority Youth: Moderating Effects of Family Structure and Gender.” Psychology of Addictive Behaviors 14 (June 2000): 174-184.

Father Factor in Child Abuse

- Compared to living with both parents, living in a single-parent home doubles the risk that a child will suffer physical, emotional, or educational neglect.
Source: America’s Children: Key National Indicators of Well-Being. Table SPECIAL1. Washington, D.C.: Federal Interagency Forum on Child and Family Statistics, 1997.

- The overall rate of child abuse and neglect in single-parent households is 27.3 children per 1,000, whereas the rate of overall maltreatment in two-parent households is 15.5 per 1,000.
Source: America’s Children: Key National Indicators of Well-Being. Table SPECIAL1. Washington, D.C.: Federal Interagency Forum on Child and Family Statistics, 1997.

- An analysis of child abuse cases in a nationally representative sample of 42 counties found that children from single-parent families are more likely to be victims of physical and sexual abuse than children who live with both biological parents. Compared to their peers living with both parents, children in single parent homes had:
- a 77% greater risk of being physically abused
- an 87% greater risk of being harmed by physical neglect
- a 165% greater risk of experiencing notable physical neglect
- a 74% greater risk of suffering from emotional neglect
- an 80% greater risk of suffering serious injury as a result of abuse
- overall, a 120% greater risk of being endangered by some type of child abuse.
Source: Sedlak, Andrea J. and Diane D. Broadhurst. The Third National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect: Final Report. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect. Washington, D.C., September 1996.

Our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy: Practical Advice for the Parents of a Pregnant Christian Single" has several chapters about the father of your daughter's baby: "Where Does The Baby's Father Belong In All This?", "Forgiving The Baby's Father", "Forgiving The Young Man's Parents", and "The Importance Of A Father." You may find this book helpful as you and your daughter make decisions and plans.

Talk with your daughter about the issues revealed in the statistics above.

• Ask your daughter if she has smoked, drank alcohol or used drugs in the past. Is she using these substances now that she is pregnant? Were these substances related to her sexual activity? How many of her friends smoke, drink, and smoke marijuana?
• Ask your daughter if she feels she has suffered physical, emotional, or educational neglect.
• What are her dreams for her child? What kind of home environment does she want for her child?
• What plans can your daughter make to provide for her child's physical safety? The child's emotional safety?
  
• What plans can your daughter make to be actively involved in her child's life, to avoid neglect?
  
• What about the baby's father: How will he help provide for the child's safety and the meeting of the child's needs?
• If the baby's father will not be actively involved in raising her child, who will provide a father figure? Which man will help safeguard the child's physical and emotional safety?
  

As you and your daughter talk about an involved father for her child, try to determine who will play this role. It may be the child's father. If the child's father will not be involved for whatever reason, who in your current family could play this crucial role? If no one is available or acceptable, spend some time considering an adoption plan where the child would have the advantages of a father as the child grows.

Fathers: Their Impact on Teen Pregnancy and Education

When talking about pregnancy in the teen and college population we often focus solely on the pregnant young mother, neglecting the father. So let's spend this week looking at fathers a little bit, and think and talk about how the baby's father impacts your daughter, her child, and your family.

The National Fatherhood Initiative reports the following statistics:

Father Factor in Teen Pregnancy

Being raised by a single mother raises the risk of teen pregnancy, marrying with less than a high school degree, and forming a marriage where both partners have less than a high school degree.
Source: Teachman, Jay D. “The Childhood Living Arrangements of Children and the Characteristics of Their Marriages.” Journal of Family Issues 25 (January 2004): 86-111.

- Separation or frequent changes increase a woman’s risk of early menarche, sexual activity and pregnancy. Women whose parents separated between birth and six years old experienced twice the risk of early menstruation, more than four times the risk of early sexual intercourse, and two and a half times higher risk of early pregnancy when compared to women in intact families. The longer a woman lived with both parents, the lower her risk of early reproductive development. Women who experienced three or more changes in her family environment exhibited similar risks but were five times more likely to have an early pregnancy.
Source: Quinlan, Robert J. “Father absence, parental care, and female reproductive development.” Evolution and Human Behavior 24 (November 2003): 376-390.

- Researchers using a pool from both the U.S. and New Zealand found strong evidence that father absence has an effect on early sexual activity and teenage pregnancy. Teens without fathers were twice as likely to be involved in early sexual activity and seven times more likely to get pregnant as an adolescent.
Source: Ellis, Bruce J., John E. Bates, Kenneth A. Dodge, David M. Ferguson, L. John Horwood, Gregory S. Pettit, and Lianne Woodward. “Does Father Absence Place Daughters at Special Risk for Early Sexual Activity and Teenage Pregnancy.” Child Development 74 (May/June 2003): 801-821.

Father Factor in Education

- Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school.
Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. National Center for Health Statistics. Survey on Child Health. Washington, D.C.: GPO, 1993.

- Father involvement in schools is associated with the higher likelihood of a student getting mostly A's. This was true for fathers in biological parent families, for stepfathers, and for fathers heading single-parent families.
Source: Nord, Christine Winquist, and Jerry West. Fathers’ and Mothers’ Involvement in Their Children’s Schools by Family Type and Resident Status. (NCES 2001-032). Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Education, National Center for Education Statistics, 2001.

- Students living in father-absent homes are twice as likely to repeat a grade in school; 10 percent of children living with both parents have ever repeated a grade, compared to 20 percent of children in stepfather families and 18 percent in mother-only families.
Source: Nord, Christine Winquist, and Jerry West. Fathers’ and Mothers’ Involvement in Their Children’s Schools by Family Type and Resident Status. (NCES 2001-032). Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Education, National Center for Education Statistics, 2001.

- Students in single-parent families or stepfamilies are significantly less likely than students living in intact families to have parents involved in their schools. About half of students living in single-parent families or stepfamilies have parents who are highly involved, while 62 percent of students living with both their parents have parents who are highly involved in their schools.
Source: Nord, Christine Winquist, and Jerry West. Fathers’ and Mothers’ Involvement in Their Children’s Schools by Family Type and Resident Status. (NCES 2001-032). Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Education, National Center for Education Statistics, 2001.

- In 2001, 61 percent of 3- to 5-year olds living with two parents were read aloud to everyday by a family member, compared to 48% of children living in single- or no-parent families.
Source: Federal Interagency Forum on Child and Family Statistics. America's Children: Key National Indicators of Well-Being, 2002. Table ED1. Washington, DC: U.S. Government Printing Office, 2003.

- Kindergarteners who live with single-parents are over-represented in those lagging in health, social and emotional, and cognitive outcomes. Thirty-three percent of children who were behind in all three areas were living with single parents while only 22% were not lagging behind.
Source: Wertheimer, Richard and Tara Croan, et al. Attending Kindergarten and Already Behind: A Statistical Portrait of Vulnerable Young Children. Child Trends Research Brief. Publication #2003-20. Washington, DC: Child Trends, 2003.

- In two-parent families, children under the age of 13 spend an average of 1.77 hours engaged in activities with their fathers and 2.35 hours doing so with their mothers on a daily basis in 1997. Children in single parent families spent on .42 hours with their fathers and 1.26 hours with their mothers on daily basis.
Source: Lippman, Laura, et al. Indicators of Child, Family, and Community Connections. Office of the Assistant Secretary for Planning and Evaluation. Washington, DC: US Department of Health and Human Services, 2004.

- A study of 1330 children from the PSID showed that fathers who are involved on a personal level with their child schooling increases the likelihood of their child's achievement. When fathers assume a positive role in their child's education, students feel a positive impact.
Source: McBride, Brent A., Sarah K. Schoppe-Sullivan, and Moon-Ho Ho. "The mediating role of fathers' school involvement on student achievement." Applied Developmental Psychology 26 (2005): 201-216.

- Half of all children with highly involved fathers in two-parent families reported getting mostly A's through 12th grade, compared to 35.2% of children of nonresident father families.
Source: National Center for Education Statistics. The Condition of Education. NCES
1999022. Washington, DC: U.S. Dept. of Education, 1999: 76.

Our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy: Practical Advice for the Parents of a Pregnant Christian Single" has several chapters about the father of your daughter's baby: "Where Does The Baby's Father Belong In All This?", "Forgiving The Baby's Father", "Forgiving The Young Man's Parents", and "The Importance Of A Father."

Talk with your daughter about the issues revealed in the statistics above.

• Have you raised your pregnant daughter as a single mother yourself? If so, talk to your daughter about her thoughts and feelings of being raised without a father present. Does she think this may have contributed to her sexual activity?
• What are your daughter's plans for marriage? Does she hope to marry the baby's father? If not, what are her ideas for finding a spouse who will accept her child as his own?
• Is your daughter considering dropping out of school because of the pregnancy?
• What ideas does your daughter have for how she will spend more than 1.26 hours with her child each day?
• What male could currently provide a positive male influence on her child when the child goes to school?
• What are your daughter's dreams for a father figure for her child? How realistic are these dreams? What steps can she and your family take to have an actively involved father figure in the life of her child?
  

As you and your daughter talk about an involved father for her child, try to determine who will play this role. It may be the child's father. If the child's father will not be involved for whatever reason, who in your current family could play this crucial role? If no one is available or acceptable, spend some time considering an adoption plan where the child would have the advantages of a father as the child grows.

Fathers: Anti-Poverty and Anti-Incarceration

Yesterday was Father's Day, a day to honor them. When talking about pregnancy in the teen and college population we often focus solely on the pregnant young mother, neglecting the father. So let's spend this week looking at fathers a little bit, and think and talk about how the baby's father impacts your daughter, her child, and your family.

The National Fatherhood Initiative reports the following statistics:

Father Factor in Poverty

- Children in father-absent homes are five times more likely to be poor. In 2002, 7.8 percent of children in married-couple families were living in poverty, compared to 38.4 percent of children in female-householder families.
Source: U.S. Census Bureau, Children’s Living Arrangements and Characteristics: March 2002, P200-547, Table C8. Washington D.C.: GPO, 2003.

- During the year before their babies were born, 43% of unmarried mothers received welfare or food stamps, 21% received some type of housing subsidy, and 9% received another type of government transfer (unemployment insurance etc.). For women who have another child, the proportion who receive welfare or food stamps rises to 54%.
Source: McLanahan, Sara. The Fragile Families and Child Well-being Study: Baseline National Report. Princeton, NJ: Center for Research on Child Well-being, 2003: 13.

- A child with a nonresident father is 54 percent more likely to be poorer than his or her father.
Source: Sorenson, Elaine and Chava Zibman. “Getting to Know Poor Fathers Who Do Not Pay Child Support.” Social Service Review 75 (September 2001): 420-434.

- When compared by family structure, 45.9% of poor single-parent families reported material hardship compared to 38.6% of poor two parent families. For unpoor families who did not experience material hardship, 23.3% were single-parent families compared to 41.2% of two-parent families.
Source: Beverly, Sondra G., “Material hardship in the United States: Evidence from the Survey of Income and Program Participation.” Social Work Research 25 (September 2001): 143-151.

Father Factor in Incarceration

- Even after controlling for income, youths in father-absent households still had significantly higher odds of incarceration than those in mother-father families. Youths who never had a father in the household experienced the highest odds.
Source: Harper, Cynthia C. and Sara S. McLanahan. “Father Absence and Youth Incarceration.” Journal of Research on Adolescence 14 (September 2004): 369-397.

- A 2002 Department of Justice survey of 7,000 inmates revealed that 39% of jail inmates lived in mother-only households. Approximately forty-six percent of jail inmates in 2002 had a previously incarcerated family member. One-fifth experienced a father in prison or jail.
Source: James, Doris J. Profile of Jail Inmates, 2002. (NCJ 201932). Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report, Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, July 2004.

Our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy: Practical Advice for the Parents of a Pregnant Christian Single" has several chapters about the father of your daughter's baby: "Where Does The Baby's Father Belong In All This?", "Forgiving The Baby's Father", "Forgiving The Young Man's Parents", and "The Importance Of A Father."

Talk with your daughter about the issues revealed in the statistics above.

• What are her dreams about a present and involved father for her child?
  
• What qualities of a good father can the baby's father provide currently?
  
• If the baby's father is not a good candidate for an ongoing relationship, what male(s) can step in to provide a healthy father figure?

As you and your daughter talk about an involved father for her child, try to determine who will play this role. It may be the child's father. If the child's father will not be involved for whatever reason, who in your current family could play this crucial role? If no one is available or acceptable, spend some time considering an adoption plan where the child would have the advantages of a father as the child grows.